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dirtybiology's picture

Okay so doing a little reading and remembered something my mom said yesterday.

I was talking to her about how I'm worried about what it will be like when SS7 is a teenager and I have my own kids and will want to give them different things because they're mine and I have them 100% of the time.

I think something I mentioned was providing a car to kids and having them on my auto insurance. I don't want to do any of that for SS but I do for my future bios.

She said that wasn't right I need to treat them all equally. I don't want any negative comments about my mom because she doesn't understand she's been married to my dad for 26 years. She's just trying to offer the advice that she thinks is best.

But honestly, I WILL love my bios more. I sometimes already love my fricking dog more than SS. Not because he's not a great kid, he's just not mine. I don't have the emotional attachment for him like I will for my bios, or my dog lol.

What's a good way to explain this to people who don't understand? I don't want to lie or fake feeling something that I don't.

dirtybiology's picture

I feel like I need to give my partner a full disclaimer that I hope he doesn't expect me to treat them all equally because lately I've really been struggling with the blended idea. I hope it's just a phase.

dirtybiology's picture

We have 50/50.. I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't want that experience to happen to my SS. I do not want to deprive him of anything, ever.

dirtybiology's picture

Hahah we must have the same schedule. Wake up, cuddle dog, work, home, cuddle dog, sleep.

dirtybiology's picture

The dog thing comes from me cuddling my dog at night and my SO always gets upset and says well you don't see SS7 in here cuddling us.

And I did not intend the treated equally thing to sound that way. I spend my own money on SS7 regularly without asking for compensation. Right now he is the only kid in my home and I treat him like my own. But I worry that my feelings may change with my spending habits when I eventually have my own.

Like a cell phone or car.. I will want to provide hide for my kids but not necessarily for SS because I won't see it or be aware of how it's taken care of for half the time.

dirtybiology's picture

I really appreciate your point of view. I didn't even think of it that way and in no way want my kids to resent one another. Thank you for sharing your story. I think what I need to focus on is that I want SS and bios to have the same opportunities but I don't want to be 100% financially or emotionally responsible for SS's. So I need to communicate this to my SO. That way he knows I am supportive but do not want it to fall on me.

dirtybiology's picture

Oh! And I forgot to say that I think SO is jealous of my dog so he tries any and all arguments to halt my puppy cuddling.

Rags's picture

There is nothing wrong with providing differently for different children. It happens in intact initial families all of the time. It is often the case that the resources available during the early years of elder children are fewer than the resources available during the early and all years of younger children.

Do not sweat any differences in support or in how you raise your own children compared to how your Skids are supported and raised.

As for your mom, she is naive. That is neither good nor bad it is just a fact of your mom's perspective.

Take care of yourself and raise your children as insulated from the poor choices of your DH's prior spawning practices as possible. If your DH can't be and equity life partner to you and be as diligent about protecting his youngest children from the toxic facts of he existence of his elder children then I suggest you consider being far more selective with who you choose to meld your gene pool with.

IMHO of course.

AquiousTransmissionsOverADistantHorizon's picture

Dont feel bad about your comments, they were ok.
Im starting to see that this forum has some over sensitive people in it, and they are generally bio parents themselves.

Just so you dont feel alone, I feel the same way.

Now yes its true the dogs are no more biologically mine, but they will not stab me in the back, need very little to be happy, and are generally happy, and full of gratitude 95% of the time.

I didnt bother reading many of the other comments that were back to you but a BIO is different also, I know it would be different for me because its BLOOD! and of my genes

Dont beat yourself up to much