Am I ungrateful and unreasonable?

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So every year on DH's birthday for the past several years, his daughter will phone our house and leave a message with SGS. SGS will sing happy birthday to DH and say some cute things, then DH's daughter will say Happy Birthday Dad before hanging up

Every year on my birthday there is no phone call, let alone birthday wishes

DH asked his daughter one time why she does this (seeing I've been in her life for over twenty years seeing her regularly for many including two years that she lived with us fulltime not to mention SGS calls me Grandma) and DH's daughter told him she does wish me Happy Birthday at the family events (there is always a birthday lunch or dinner held for DH's daughter, I'm included as our birthdays are just days apart)

DH and I spoke about this one time and I said that it was his daughter's way of saying that I was not family. That her family (blood) like DH receive the phone call from her and SGS, but me who is 'just DH's wife' is not considered to be her family therefore doesn't get the same treatment (although she expects me to be a grandmother to her son)

So this year DH phones his daughter, about a week ago, and tells her that my birthday is coming up and it would be nice if she had SGS would leave me a cute message too. I had no idea DH did this but he admitted it last night. So yesterday was the big 5-0, and DH takes me to a lovely place and we have a nice time, and when we come home there is a message on the voicemail from his daughter and SGS.

The message was adorable from SGS, with blatant coaching from DH's daughter saying to him to say who he was to me, tell me they will see me at the birthday lunch on the weekend, there will be cake etc.. etc...and then they hang up

Well DH is just thrilled to bits and expects me to be jumping up and down with joy. Well I gave him my honest thoughts on this

Instead I said to DH that it was a very cute message from SGS and that was nice. I also mentioned that his daughter herself did not wish me Happy Birthday, and considering she made the effort to call, and that it happened to be a big one/I just turned 50, I felt she should have wished me happy BD

DH gets really upset and says how I'm 'ungrateful'etc.. etc... and not only do I disagree with that, it really ticks me off

DH's daughter does not like me, has always been very bitter, jealous and revengeful. I will admit that was progress that she made the call as in the past she would have not done it at all. But, regardless of how much she dislikes me, she is turning 34 years old, I have been in her life for about 19 years including living with her full time at one point, have always been kind and decent to her. My opinion on this, is too bad if you don't like me, have the decency to show some common manners and respect to the person who is your SM, a good one who has been good to you, and grow up enough to say happy birthday to her on her milestone 50th birthday - especially considering you were on the phone with SGS on the very day you had him make the call

So maybe I'm 'ungrateful' but I get so tired of it all

Still I took the high-road and sent her a text thanking her for the message, wished her a good day on her birthday which is Friday, and said I would see them on Sunday

^^Exactly this. Echo, you're

^^Exactly this.

Echo, you're my girl crush this month. xoxo

I'm sorry but this is a

I'm sorry but this is a little ridiculous. You know that you don't mean anything to her, why is it so important to hear, "Happy Birthday" from her? I don't get it.

I have been in my SD24's life since she was was 5, it bothers me not.at.all that she doesn't call me on my birthday. Why would my birthday be important to her?

My dad has been married to his wife for 30 years, we have a decent relationship, she doesn't call me on my birthday and it has never bothered me, nor do I call her on hers (other than the month, I don't even know when it is).

This is a really trivial thing for an adult to be concerned about, in my opinion.

The only thing I agree with

The only thing I agree with you on Echo is that I would have rather heard nothing from DH's daughter, than a forced message where she STILL was disrespectful in not showing some common manners to a SM who has always been good to her.

And no I never complained to my DH about his daughter not calling me on my birthday. It was DH himself who went to her and asked her why she was treating me that way. That I had been her SM for many years and always good to her and now her son, and since she made such a big deal about calling our home - always at a time she knew I would be there too - and made such a big deal about wishing him happy birthday, why the double-standard for me?

You wrongly assumed Echo that I wanted the call or pushed it. No, I simply answered his question for him with the plain and simple facts: does not matter that I've been in her life for all those years, does not matter that I've always treated her well, she does not like me, nor consider me family, and therefore DH your daughter will not give me the same standard of treatment as you.

I guess my DH didn't like that answer, because he knows it's true, so this year he took it upon himself without consulting me to call her. I told him last night I really wished he didn't do that but he did....although I know his heart was in the right place there and for THAT I'm 'grateful'

No Echo I did not "get precisely what I whined about" nor am I "beating her into submission" etc.. etc.. I did not ask DH to do that nor wanted him to. On both occasions he took it upon himself to do this on my behalf. Maybe because he's embarrassed that at 34 years old his daughter still doesn't have the maturity and decency of character to show the respect and gratitude to a human being who has never been anything but great to her.

I do appreciate your response Echo, but would really appreciate it, if you actually had your facts straight! Rather than assume you know it all and then state your opinions based on your total lack of knowledge, try asking a few questions or assume the good rather than the bad in someone. Thanks!

Right? If the skids don't

Right? If the skids don't wish me a Happy Birthday, I don't care. And I have a good relationship with the girls. As long as my DH remembers, I'm good.

Your SDs actions are a

Your SDs actions are a reflection on her and how she was raised. Your response to her calling you, but not actually saying HB, and making it an issue becomes a reflection on you. Don't let it. It's hard I know, and I am sure you have been very good to her, I don't doubt that for a second, but she obviously has issues and like other posters have said, she will never change. I will never forget one time when I was doing some estate planning stuff with my BFs attorney, and the subject of his daughter came up, he said, "you will never win". It was true. You can try and try to do the right things, but you will never "win", you will never come first. Try to release yourself from this reality and try to disconnect a bit; for your own well being and sanity.

I just had a conversation with my BF (we are not married and never will get married primarily because in a million years, I will never be his daughter's SM, I will not do it and in some ways it helps keep some distance and perspective psychologically for me). His daughter just came home from college today. She dropped her Dad at the house with her BM, but didn't come in to say hello to me or my 2 BSs, one of whom loves her. It registered as "it would have been nice had she come in to say hello", but I wasn't surprised for a second and I was relieved. Drama follows her. She just turned 21 and I have been in her life since she was 14. She has NEVER liked me no matter what I have done because I confirmed the dream/reality that her Mom and Dad are never getting back together. He definitely makes everything worse by butting in and getting involved, being hypersensitive if I don't say certain things or kiss her ass essentially. I won't do it! I have expended much emotional energy over the years trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Doesn't work. I treat her like I would any guest in my home. I do the absolute minimum. Enough to keep peace with my BF, but not over the top because 1) she won't care 2) she won't reciprocate.

I don't know how many times you have been on this blog, but be forewarned that some responses from people can be nasty and aren't worth responding to. You didn't "whine" as Echo said. You communicated how what happened made you feel. I wouldn't validate or justify some posts with a response. Just sayin'

One more thing...It was

One more thing...It was recently my 50th Bday. I did get a Happy Birthday! in a text from BFs daughter. That was all it said, but that was all I expected; lower the bar. You will feel better!

You have the gut feeling that

You have the gut feeling that she is not acknowledging you and you are correct. Perhaps it is something you have not wanted to accept but I think you are going to have to. I actually have a bio daughter that acts the same towards me and it is because she does not want to give me recognition. This is not about you though, this is about her and the way she feels. I can understand your hurt but it is also not fair to expect something from someone that they cannot give. She has to figure this out for herself. I think your husband was trying to support you by talking to his daughter but in a sense I think it could cause more issues than is good. She tried, by having her son call, she did not vice anything herself because she can't and you cannot control what she decides for herself. You can take it as a rejection or you can see that she made an attempt, be happy and accepting with what she did but I would not expect anything more. One thing I learned is that if you do not expect things from people you will not be as disappointed. I even used to prepare myself that I would not be acknowledged by my daughter and that prep helped me to find different things in my life that I wanted to do to make that day, or occasion special to me without expecting anything from others. I hope that makes sense. Don't take this personally at all.

I think the trivial thing

I think the trivial thing hereiam, is that my DH's daughter would take the time to call our home and have her son leave a message with her on the phone, and she couldn't bring herself to say it. Gee, how hard is it to say Happy 50th - since you're already on the freakin phone, for the very purpose of my birthaday?!

It is a deliberate act on her end to disrespect me, rubbed in my face each year when she leaves those messages for DH (every other call she makes to him is on his cell phone absolutely always, but ones like this she deliberately leaves on the home line, this was not lost on DH and even he admits she is trying to hurt and upset me by this)

And no it's not a trivial thing at all when this same person who she goes to great lengths to be an ass too, has never ever treated her that way.

I'm not sure what your relationship is with your step-parents or skids, but I know that for DH's daughter who lived with us full-time and wouldn't even so much as talk to her own mother, who I looked after and cared for and couldn't have done enough for, ya you know what? I DO expect her to show common maturity and decency and that includes not ignoring me on a milestone birthday. It's called being a GROWN-UP. I don't actually want to hear from her, and wish DH hadn't pushed it, but I still see where he was coming from and agree with him. She SHOULD show that small amount of respect for an adult who looked after her and treats her well

Doesn't mean she has to like me, but at this point in time, yes it's time to show a little maturity and grace.

Nothing irks me more than ungrateful jealous adult stepkids who have no reason whatsoever to mistreat the step parents who have done so much for them. I get there is jealousy and competitiveness. But we are all adults. Show some manners. Be a grown up already.

Your 50th and she couldn't

Your 50th and she couldn't get on the phone? Wow, I didn't realize it was our 50th. That is an important birthday and you deserved the recognition. I am sorry but your SD is purposely being awful....don't play her game, rise above the BS. Your husband can live in his delusional world, if that works for him, great!

I hope you had a big bash for yourself and you enjoyed it. If you have not celebrated then you need to do so and do it in a big way!!!

Happy belated birthday!!! Big big hugs!!

Yes moving_on, that is

Yes moving_on, that is something. There was some progress on her end

You're right. Everybody else

You're right. Everybody else is wrong.

I have a SM that I love. I might write happy birthday on her fb wall. Or not. I might call, but probably text.

I call my dad & sing happy birthday to his voice mail. I text my kids, nephew, brother & sister to remind them. I don't do that for my SM. And again, I love her. Everybody does.

Believe it not lady face, not

Believe it not lady face, not I've never complained to my DH about his daughter not calling me on my birthday. She never has. Nor on Mother's Day of course or anything else.

It was my DH - all on his own - who spoke with his daughter.

The first time he did it was after his own birthday when she yet again called our home - not his cell phone as usual - and left the big long birthday wishes for him.

Dh took it upon himself to speak with his daughter and ask her why the double-standard? And why by the way, would you make a point to call on the landline where you know we will both hear your message rather than my cell that only I hear, to do this? You can imagine by doing this it would seem to Disillusioned and I that you are trying to hurt her more than you are trying to wish me a happy BD message. I doubt those were his exact words to her but he did kindly send her a message along those lines

DH told me after the fact that he did it. He was shaking his head in confusion when she insisted that she does do the same for me, but at the birthday get togethers. So, I explained it quite plainly to DH

"DH, your daughter has a double-standard for us because she does not like me. She does not consider me her family"

I left it at that. It is the truth.

DH would not leave it alone. Instead, DH took it a step farther with her and asked her to do the same for me as she does for him. Again, DH did not tell me he did this, just went ahead on his own.

What I do appreciate is that he was trying to tell her in his own way to grow up. Show a little respect. At least at a minimum stop your games. Don't mistreat my wife, who you have no reason or right to treat like that

Sooooo, DH's daughter did make the call. Did have SGS leave me a message, And yes, that was cute. Yes I appreciate it. BUT it was not lost on me that she herself couldn't just suck it up and say hello on the call let alone Happy BD. It is immature. It is disrespectful.

Dh sadly was trying so hard to make things right, especially on my 50th, and instead of me jumping for joy I gave him my straight-forward opinion. I'm sure he doesn't like to hear it. But, I'm at the stage in my life (hey call it turning 50 ha ha!) that I have no tolerance any longer for people who act inappropriately to others, based on their own issues of insecurity. It is what it is and I don't care at this point who it offends, including those on this site bent on jumping all over others my opinion is show common decency and courtesy to the good people in your life. Save your anger and pettiness for your real enemies. You're allowed to feel jealous, your allowed to not like them, but no it's not acceptable that you act on that by mistreating them kind people. And if you do, then you are a person with a problem who frankly should be ashamed of yourself

My lack of appreciation

My lack of appreciation Ladyface was not for Echo's comment - I asked for opinions and I'm glad to hear them - it was for jumping to conclusions and therefor making accusations.....there is a lot of that on this site and frankly that's just stupid. Don't make assumptions and make something bigger than it is. Stick to facts and if you don't know them, than ask.

Oh and by the way Ladyface,

Oh and by the way Ladyface, yes I did for many years call DH's daughter on her birthday. She never picked up nor every responded to the messages I left, nor ever acknowledged me on mine, but yes I did always do this.

I stopped a few years ago because she made it clear how little I meant to her, and it just seemed stupid to keep it up for someone who made it clear she was an enemy of mine

But, that does not change the fact her not acknowledging her own SM, who she lived with and looked after her and treated her well, is wrong. Wrong on so many levels. She has no reason to act like that, oh except she has 'some issues'

Still makes it wrong

Very well said AVR1962.

Very well said AVR1962. Totally agree with you. And BTW: so sorry to hear your daughter treats you that way!

Here's a thought : you

Here's a thought : you obviously think grandson's messages to DH and the one last night were cute. Is it possible that SD did that because she knows that you like grandson's messages? I have done things like that with my mom and sister when DD was younger.

well it's good you love your

well it's good you love your SM thisisnotmocking, that's nice! I'm sure she knows it too. And maybe based on the relationship you have with her, how you acknowledge her works just fine

I think in my DH's daughter's case, after all the many years I've been there for her and looked after her, even when BM moved her into our home fulltime and DH's daughter wouldn't even talk to her own mother....I really just think that at 34 years of age it's time to grown up. If you can't show a little gratitude to those who have done so much for you, at the very least stop mistreating them

No Ladyface I don't think you

No Ladyface I don't think you mistreated me. I think you're part of a group of bullies on this site that is more concerned with jumping all over people, than offering any valuable advice. Your entitled to your opinion of me of course, however much is it based on your wrong assumptions and need to voice them

OMG not the bully bs again

You think Ladyface is a

You think Ladyface is a bully????

Why do you care so much about a woman you know dislikes you, not wishing you a happy birthday?

It doesn't matter how nice you may have been to her. You can make her like you. To be honest, I think she's doing the right thing by not calling you. That's a hell of a lot better than being fake.

I have been in SSs life for

I have been in SSs life for about 15 years. He lived with us from when he was 15ish to 19ish. He does not call me on my birthday nor would I expect him to.

I do think you are being very childish about this. Let it go.

I will never be "grandma" to

I will never be "grandma" to my skids children. From the start I will be polite and oooh and ahhh over their lust nuggets but I will never babysit or do grandmotherly things for them. That's ALL on dh. I've just recently become a grandmother and have another on the way. My dh IS their grandfather because my kids have always treated him as they treat me. HIS kids can rely on their mother for that. I won't allow myself to become attached. And I will never complain or feel hurt by their slights. It's their loss cause imma AWSOME grandma

Grandma title/role is the

Grandma title/role is the BEST, isn't it?!

No, no one jumped all over me

No, no one jumped all over me at all Ladyface - guess I imagined that one!!

I could write a book not only on all the horrific crap from her over the years - but also on all the many things I've done for her - not just for the two years of full time hell, but for the or 17 years or so on top of that she went back and forth between house until becoming the "adult" that she is today

Good insights clervergirl 99

Wow gotta say anotherstep2

Wow gotta say anotherstep2 you totally, 100%, are bang-on. Yes, thank you, you said it so much better than 1! Yes, that is exactly how I feel about her, and the situation!

While I can't honestly say I would tell my DH I was wrong LOL, I did let him know that I sent her a thank you text for the message and that I did wish her a happy day on her birthday....I guess my comprise in this situation

So how did you possibly understand how I was feeling so incredibly well?!

I guess I'd look at what

I guess I'd look at what makes me happy.

Are you happy feeling hurt or slighted by SD? What can you do to spend less time with her? Is it correct that you already see her 1-2 times per year, in a group, and you don't have to sit and chat with her? In which case, I'd say, let the sleeping dog lie.

Are you happy feeling hurt or slighted by DH? Sounds like in his way, he tries to arrange things to be nice for you. But his way doesn't work for you. In fact, it backfires. Is this typical in your relationship, or is it because you are sensitive about SD?

Always choose the path that makes you happy. It doesn't sound like a great idea to be angry about SD calling or not calling, being involved in your life at all, since you can't control her anyway. If she's not in your face being a problem, I'd find a way to just forget about her. And about DH, he's trying to mend what he thinks is your broken heart. But he doesn't understand and he might never understand. Thank him for his band-aid, let your relationship with him remain close and loving, don't allow your frustration with SD to colour that.

IMHO, ofc.

Oh babybugged that's just it

Oh babybugged that's just it - she has a history of being downright hostile towards me (not polite) and tried so hard to destroy the relationship with DH and I that she actually gave him an ultimatum once - told him he had to chose between her or me. If you ever get a chance to read my earlier posts and the history with her, she is a nightmare person who has all but destroyed her mother's relationship with her SO, spent years playing the victim 'I'll walk out of your life card' with DH, told him publicly in front of a large crowd at her bridal party that he was "nothing but a piece of shit father"

DH's own father's friends refuse to come to any family events that she is at, as does BM's significant other

She the farthest thing from a loving an respectful child to DH, let alone a good stepkid! I could literally write a book about it all

I don't actually want a relationship with her any longer, there was a time I wanted that very much, but I guess my point is her behaviour is wrong. Period.

Not everyone one has to agree ha ha.

But my opinion is this: you can hate the ground good kind people are on, simply because your insecure, as much as you want. But that does not entitle you to be an ass to those same decent people.

DH's daughter is not a decent human being, and I don't expect her too. But I will not allow her to be a jerk to me any longer. I do have a say in that. And that includes not jumping up and down for joy when she makes a little effort for show for her father. Nope. Just not happening.

Right?? My DH forces the

Right?? My DH forces the skids to say happy birthday and happy Mother's Day and buy cards and shit.

Makes me nuts.

Right??? But because Medusa

Right??? But because Medusa has not been seen in almost 4 years, DH feels bad for them around Mother's Day.

Uh - what????? Like making them wish their SM "Happy Mother's Day" is gonna help with that at all?????

Last MD I told him nope. No more. Nuh-uh!!!

If she is so shitty why do

If she is so shitty why do you want her to say Happy Birthday or even care? I would cut my looses and move on down the road.

She is a full grown adult and doesn't probably give two shits about your opinion: "you can hate the ground good kind people are on, simply because your insecure, as much as you want. But that does not entitle you to be an ass to those same decent people"

She can be an ass to anyone she wants just like you can. Stop being nice to some one and expecting just because you are they will be to you.

I guess my whole point in

I guess my whole point in this is that as a step-child (I'm also one myself so I get it) it's true you didn't choose to have your step-parent in your life. It's understandable if you don't like or want them to be a part of it. It's even forgivable if you do some pretty awful things as a kid because you are miserable and lashing out

But, when you reach the full age of mature adult, and when you think to yourself that you didn't chose to have this person in your life, you never liked them, you didn't ask them to do anything for you however the fact remains there is no reason they shouldn't be with your parent. They are good for your parent. They are good for you. Yes, they have been good to you and for you. They are a kind and considerate person who has never done you any wrong. Don't you think it's time for you as the adult step child to say I need to at a minimum behave as a decent human being to them in return?

You don't have to like them, you don't have to call them on their birthday, etc... but you DO have to stop trying to rub that in their face! Stop being a nasty spiteful human being who gets off on hurting people who have been good to you, just because you're jealous of them! Just because everyone excuses your behaviour because you are the poor victim of divorce

Get over it already, grow up, and act with some decency!

You know, it's possible that

You know, it's possible that your SD believes that being decent means staying away from those you dislike. She may feel obligated to deal with you a few times a year (birthday lunch), but beyond that, she just isn't interested.

I guess my whole point in

Get over it already, grow up, and act with some class!

I guess my whole point in

Get over it already, grow up, and act with some class!

Oops - triplicate post!

It hurts to not be

It hurts to not be acknowledged by someone who certainly should at least say “happy birthday.”
I have always been generous with DH's son and daughter-in-law. Last year they visited us on vacation and DH told them where he took me for dinner for my birthday the night before. They did not even wish me a “happy birthday.” A complete stranger would have done so under the same circumstances. So I totally emphasize that it does hurt – lot.
Since then I have not only lowered my expectations but stopped being generous since it really doesn't matter so why try.

My sentiments exactly

My sentiments exactly 1StepForward2...sorry you've experience the same rudeness! Good idea to stop being so generous. They totally don't deserve your kindness!

That's good stepmeanie. I

That's good stepmeanie. I guess I don't really care either. It's more the principle. Just blows my mind how people can behave like such asses, when they have no reason to.

My YSD on the other hand made sure to call me, very sweet message as always. No drama. No arguing with DH. No involvement from DH. She has grown into a charming mature woman, has her head on straight, big heart and really tries to be kind.

No wonder both her parents, and her step-parents, just think she's the greatest and tell her so often.

Her and her sister are like night and day!

You basically just said it

You basically just said it yourself, some people are nice and some people aren't. If I don't like the way someone treats me I simply don't allow them to "treat" me anyway anymore.

Maybe one day she will see the error in her ways and maybe she won't, hold your head high knowing you did what you think is right but if I was you I would apologize to your DH who can't seem to win for losing with you.

Yes jmbinok, you've summed

Yes jmbinok, you've summed that up correctly unfortunately.

I've seen this same group gang up on people and jump all over them for things that were not even in their posts!

Today I had no problem speaking out. Why respond to someone's post when 1: all your criticisms are based on your wrong assumptions. 2: you attack the person themself rather than the issue they've raised 3: you depend on your little group to jump on the band-wagon and gang up on the person along with all the snide comments

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of the board

Most posters including myself welcome the advice, criticism and options of others. BUT this should be based on what was actually posted not on what was assumed or added from others, and it should be said in a way that isn't attacking the person themselves. Blunt is fine.

But as you said, best to ignore when possible. I did respond, but truly what certain ones have to say goes in one ear and out the other with me, I place zero value on it because I know where it comes from - not someone who is truly trying to understand or help!

YOU asked if you were being

YOU asked if you were being ungrateful and unreasonable.

YOU then told us some information.

WE then weighed in with our opinions.

Like Echo said - if you don't want our peaches, don't shake our trees...

Blunt enough for ya???

Newman?

I honestly think Stepped in

I honestly think Stepped in what that my DH should have stayed out of it. That was the one thing Echo said that I DO agree with LOL. i didn't ask DH to speak to his daughter about it, and I was perfectly used to her never calling and expected it. No problem. It would have been the same as usual and fine. And when she did call that was fine too. It was when DH expected me to jump for joy over it like him that I spoke my mind.

Yes maybe I should have told him that I appreciated his heart being in the right place and no I didn't do that. So thanks, I think you have a point there

I do hope he'll stay out of it in future, I told him last night that I wished he hadn't asked her to do that. I know he is trying to show me that he is sticking up for me and fine, feel free to do that when you witness her being inappropriate. But to call her in advance of my birthday and ask her to call etc.... just stirred up trouble and resulted in more heart ache for both of us

That is very true jmbinok!

That is very true jmbinok! Yes it's hard and for those with good intentions and big hearts I think that constant rejection and nastiness from others can get to you sometimes no matter how disengaged you are or how much you ignore it.

Thank you for the birthday wishes that's very nice!

I hope it gets better for you too

Happy Birthday On a side

Happy Birthday

On a side note, I think there are some SM's on this board that are cynical because they are, deep down, miserable in their life. Possibly due to being a SM?? I know being married to a man with children hardened me for a time and I became very opinionated and righteous. I got to a place where I couldn't stand myself. Then I disengaged! I've finally gotten to a place where none of it hurts anymore. And ultimately, that's the goal of disengagement. Letting go of the hurt and anger and finding joy again.

Good luck to you:)

If that were the case

If that were the case Diseneyfan than she wouldn't seek me out, just to be an ass. Recent example: sends me a text message inviting me to a 31Gifts party at her house, even tells me to bring my family and friends (of course, so we can all spend money on her - the same family and friends she treats like scum like me) but the next interaction with her is just mean and nasty, even though some of those same family and friends did buy product to help her out

It's not that she avoids me disney, she plots and looks for ways to hurt and humiliate. Anything to make me look bad.

The only avoiding happening is me avoiding any contact with her!

Ugh. The only thing I've

Ugh. The only thing I've ever learned that helps at all is that I need to have no expectations. Because SS isn't a mind reader, and what seems like the most common sense good manners to me, well, they aren't so obvious to him. So, whatever. There is just no END of things to let go of as a SM. As long as I don't think it is purposely hurtful, I try to deal with it internally or vent to friends. I suppose if it is purposely hurtful, and maybe it is, then you just have to very carefully pick your battles. It's just not easy!!!

She doesn't like you. That

She doesn't like you. That doesn't mean she won't use/take advantage of you if you allow her to.

I would think her trying to take advantage of you and your family would be the issue, not her ignoring your birthday.

Yes Disneyfan, the issue

Yes Disneyfan, the issue really is that she is just behaving generally in a really unacceptable way. I could care less that she doesn't like me. That I actually take as a compliment and I don't take it personally either. I think a lot of good people behave in really shitty ways in the step situation, they're not necessarily bad people, it just tends to sometimes bring out the worst in people

I don't care that she ignored my birthday. I would have preferred sooooo much that DH did not involve himself, and that she had never called. I wouldn't be having this discussion at all

I guess the real issue isn't her at all. It's my DH and his need to see me thrilled to pieces that she called. And when he didn't get that reaction from me, but an honest one instead, then he snapped. Because I didn't agree she was just being wonderful. No DH, she is manipulative and walks all over you and tries to walk over me, that is not wonderful and you won't ever hear me saying it is.

So my milestone birthday was marked once again, with an argument over DH's daughter. Just like so many other occasions that should be happy and joyful, not dealing with the behavior from DH or his adult brat

Thanks ItsGrowingOld, and

Thanks ItsGrowingOld, and good advise

I'm really glad you hung in

I'm really glad you hung in for the SM's who can relate to what you are feeling.
It happens too often on this site that the first response is nasty and bullying and then others chime in and slap each other on the back for being bullies.

Let the SM's who can relate respond. This site is for SUPPORT. Every once in awhile admin steps in to remind everyone. It may be time for that again.

You are not being silly or ridiculous. It is common courtesy to wish someone a happy birthday, especially if you are her father's wife. If she chooses not too, you know what to expect (or not) and can just step way back. It sometimes takes us awhile to accept what is and move on.

I see some possible hope in

I see some possible hope in the SGS calling. Even with no good wishes of happy birthday from SD... the child is learning how to treat family and those involved in his little world. That is a positive.

You've mentioned before SGS's father is accepting and kind. Perhaps in spite of SD her son will grow up to not treat people poorly.

When you see SGS, I'd thank him personally for his kind birthday wishes. There's hope for the kid.

Thanks 1StepForward2, you

Thanks 1StepForward2, you summed that up so simply thanks for making me feel better!

Yes twoviewpoints, most

Yes twoviewpoints, most definitely will give that child a hug

Wow sosickofit, you are right

Wow sosickofit, you are right on. And good for you for not kissing your SD's ass...I know how these DH's love for us to do that, when it so is not fair or acceptable under the circumstances.

And thanks for the tips regarding certain posters ha ha. Yup, got it. I get that they have some issues, and not worth worrying about LOL!

Thanks AVR1962

(No subject)

My sentiments exactly

My sentiments exactly stepmeanie, thanks!!!

I know this is a little off

I know this is a little off topic, but my SO used to line up mine (2) and our (1) children to wish his other kids and relatives a happy birthday each an everyone of them. Then when his kids phoned, just accidentally, on mine, my childs, or our childs birthday, for money, he wouldn't even remind them it was their birthday. Used to hurt, doesn't anymore. I do not celebrate any of their birthdays anymore.

Ya that's not right

Ya that's not right CravingNormality :jawdrop:

I used to go out of my way for my DH's sister and daughter's birthdays, Christmas, etc..too. His sister and eldest daughter wouldn't so much as respond when I said hello to them most of the time, let alone even so much as acknowledge me on any of those events

I no longer bother to do much of anything, they have made it clear they're enemies of mine, why would I fall over backwards for them like their friends? So much less stress that way!

Good for you for getting wise

I'd be giving that SO of

I'd be giving that SO of yours a good smack Sally

You are here

Am I ungrateful and unreasonable?