She love me, we get along GREAT but she wants me gone because I'm taking her dad away from her....
Brief outline of us:
I found the love of my life in one of my friends that I'd known since the 7th grade; we found each other a few years after I ended an abusive 18 year marriage with my sons father. We have one of the best relationships I've even seen, we are truly best friends and have so much in common that life is a blast every single day. We head to bed most nights at 8 just so we can laugh our buts off as we chat and hang out together and its been that way for over 2 years now. The best part is that our relationship is still getting better all the time.
I have one biological child who is almost 12 and he's just a great kid; he helps around the house, does his own laundry, plays sports, gets great grades and is really polite and outgoing. My son lives here most of the time and only sees his dad ever other weekend. My son LOVES his step dad and you would never know they weren't biological related. There is total love, respect and even a great friendship between these guys.
I also have 2 bonus kiddos that I love and enjoy who are here only on the weekends during the shackle year. My bonus son just turned 13 and my bonus daughter is about to turn 9; they do have different moms so its a little complicated. Our families all get along and we do our best to keep the peace between all the exes involved.
My bonus daughter has seen her mom go through men like tissues. This woman has 3 kids with 3 different men now and moves from house to house with and for men. She's not exactly classy to say the least; she is also a diagnosed sociopath but we balance dealing with her the best way possible. Each of her girls had their own daddy and the mom tries to control them all but since I'm here now she can't do that which has created some issues but my sweetheart has been good with creating better boundaries with her. I do however think her man hopping has added to my bonus daughters issues.
At first it was hard with my bonus daughter but we worked it all out and she truly does love me and misses me when she's not here and I feel the same way. We have fun together and we both really look forward to our time together.
The issue is this.... She loves me but she doesn't want me taking her dad from her. She tries so hard to interrupt everything, lay on him like she's his wife or lover, she cries to him about wanting it to go back to the old way when it was just them and she could sleep in bed with him at night. She wants me not to leave but she doesn't want me around her dad if she want his attention. He's a great dad and is setting healthy boundaries with her but she is getting so nasty to him all the time now. She demands full attention from someone at all times or she doesn't want to be here at our house at all. She gets mad at my son and her bio brother if they won't included her and do exactly what she wants them to do with her ALL the time, even demanding that they not be allowed to go to their friends homes because she'll have no one to play with and he doesn't want to be bored. Its fine when the boys are here or a friend is over but once she is "bored" she becomes a nightmare with her dad and tries to push me out of the room so its just the 2 of them. He spends one on one time with her every single week and not only do I support it but encourage it. He's gotten so scared of losing her that she does no chores, doesn't need to clean her room or do anything which is getting really old, the yelling and screaming is getting really old too.
She had another breakdown last night and her dad and I talked to her. She didn't like what we had on TV and we wouldn't force her brother to play with her because he had homework. She lost it! It was really hard for her to be open and talk through her hysterical tears but through the tears she said she just wants it to go back to the way it was when she had her dad all to herself but..... she still wants to live in my BIG house and keep the lifestyle that comes with us being a family (I have a large home near a gold course, I make good money and we live a nice life that her dad didn't have before me and her mom doesn't have at al)l. I told her that if she really needs some daddy time she can tell me and I'll do my best to help make it happen but she also has to accept that we are a family now and that just as much as (my son) misses time with only me because he now shares me with everyone, that she needs to find some peace with that too. I then again reassured her that I would always do my best, that I loved her and I wanted the best for her. Her dad reiterated the same thing but also reminded her that her version of daddy time was OK when she was little but that they need to find other ways now, ways that are more age appropriate and for the most part need to include the other family members (she wants us all gone, even the boys)
Sounds OK and all but this is really hurting me a lot because it comes up all the time. I am worried about her because I love her but I can't give anymore then I already am. She ditches her dad all the time for her friends and then wants me out of the picture when she has nothing better to do... He has driven to get her 3 times in the last 2 months (a 1.5 hour drive ONE WAY) and she has refused to go with him and asked him to pick her up the next day so he drives home and then goes back the next day per her request (NOT COOL!). If she doesn't like what we are doing and she asks or demands to go home...we have nipped that in the bud recently. She is a really materialistic child and wants, wants, wants all the time; she throws temper tantrums although we don't give in she doesn't really get in trouble.
I love my life, my sweetheart, and my family but I'm tied of hearing that this little girl doesn't want me around when she isn't fully entertained..... I fought so hard to keep my home after my own divorce. I don't like that I feel this way when I'm doing everything I know how to do except for leaving when she wants me to. Her dad is trying too but this still sucks!
I know this isn't the nightmare many of you life but I would love some advice if anyone has any.
Yep, last weekend we texted
Yep, last weekend we texted to see if we could get her (we are the at the moms beckon call and never know when we get her - BS but he lets it happen)
Mom said yes, I told my son he was joining us because we were going out to dinner after we got her. We texted as we left and when we got there they weren't even home. We called and found out that another one of her baby daddies had her so we need to drive there.... then got called and they said that one of the sisters was driving her home.... we got to the moms again and I waited in the car for over 20 minutes and he came out without her. The mom and her best friend planned a slumber party and the kid was already there! my step dd freaked out and yelled at her ad, the friend yelled at my dh, the sister from another mister yelled at him nd then the mom didn't care! She promised she would drop her off to us the next day but then was too busy to drive to us so dh had to go get her and it took over 2 hours for that drive and then he did it again the next day to take her home. The mom won't drive and if he doesn't pick her up he doesn't get to see her. He's created and made it possible for these 2 to treat him this way. And yes, that was the 3rd time the mom wasn't there for us after plans were made and we drove.
I am putting my foot down and there will be no more BS. She WILL be going to her room and I will not be listening to any more tantrums. I refuse! If his son or my son acted that way they would be in SOOOOO much trouble!
Totally agreed! I keep
Totally agreed! I keep telling him that.... I won't deal with a teen like that and she won't be in my home creating drama PERIOD. I won't be dealing with this anymore. I love her so much and I don't want her to be a monster as she gets older. If he doesn't stop it or at the least let me say something then they will need to spend their time together away from the other kids and myself; we have a peaceful home and I want it to stay that way.
She will be just like her mom if he doesn't do something now! Her mom is a total freeloader and expects the world, especially men to provide and do everything for her plus give her the space and freedom she requires.... Shes been with 5 different men in 2 years and ALL are introduced to her kids because she has the guys help out financial pretty fast (sob stories...)
Google mini wife or search on
Google mini wife or search on here for it... You have a huge one in the making. The lying on him, touching him like a boyfriend will only get worse too.
She should not be calling the shots. Parenting plans are set by the courts because kids do not know any better. Follow it. If my kids didn't want to go to dads, I said sorry, I could get arrested if I don't comply. Takes it off the parent and onto the mean judge. Lol
Your husband will only end up being an ATM later. Trust me. SD16 is this way. Only calls when she demands (wants) something. Otherwise DH doesn't exist. These monsters of course exist because they were not in the proper place of child .. Not elevated higher than you or your husbands needs.
It needs to stop now. It will cause problems... Precious princess can do no wrong, nor is anything she does I'll intentioned, and why are you jealous? Your the adult.. You need to deal with it and not rock the boat.. Seen this a million times on here by guilty Disney dad with previous princAsses.. Even in their 20s and beyond.. She will still be calling the shots.
And I want a million dollars too, honey.. No one is giving it to me.
Totally agreed. I'm actually
Totally agreed. I'm actually hating with my father in law about it today; he is a child psychologist and familiar with how she's acting. DH is tired of it too but he needs to get over his fear. Both the boys are fed up and don't want to be subjected to her tantrums when they are expected to have appropriate behavior.
I never liked being called a
I never liked being called a step kid by my step dad. He wasn't nice and I promised myself that I would never be that person or marry someone like that. I do love her and I do have a great time with her unless she gets like this which is happening a lot lately. Its a flash back to how horrible she was when her dad & I first moved in together. Her mom was playing games with us and she was a part of those (the bich actually told her daughter that her dad had to sleep in bed with her and not me, plus no kissing and she had the nerve to send her laundry to MY house to be done once - it came back with a not threatening that the next time it happened that not a single thing would be . I almost left my DH because of it but he really did step up and change a lot. but now.... she loves me but she is acting like a little spoiled snot. I refuse to deal with that BS; it effects my son too and he doesn't want to be here when she's here lately.
I need to find a better way to talk to my DH about this because it just can't keep happening. I have decided today that I will not be tolerating this behavior in my home. Yes, it is now our home but I am the adult and this is ridiculous! If he can't control her behavior then she will be in her room or she will simply not be here.
Luckily he's almost as fed up as I am but his fear is getting in the way. He has taken my side on every single thing we have talked about if in the end I still said I wasn't OK with it and he and I are both on the same page with our relationship being the most important one. This is just something that has been getting worse lately and it needs to end. I'm also tired of feeling that if I defend my position in my home, my family or his life to her that I am competing with her. I have been clear from the beginning that I will not compete for his love or attention and if I ever need to then we have something much bigger to talk about and and that goes both ways.
Whats so sad is that he wants to be a strong male role model for her because he doesn't want her to be like her mom BUT he's enabling her to become like her mom by letting her manipulate him and her brothers.
Your SO (not married, right?)
Your SO (not married, right?) needs to lawyer up and get a very detailed parenting plan in place. A structured schedules would eliminate a lot of headaches, provided your guy is willing to hold BM accountable to it. The threat of contempt charges is a good way to keep a ratchet BM in line.
Thank you, I really liked
Thank you, I really liked what you said. I agree totally!
Lucky DH & I are always on the same page for the most part once we sit down and talk which we did night before last. He always has my back even if he pushes back a little at first. This behavior WILL be changing as of this weekend; its been escalating over the last month & will NOT be tolerated at all anymore. Clear consequences will be laid out and we will be holding to them. DH is good once he gets out of panic mode and he won't let anything come between us, that includes the kids.
I think the hardest part for him is not seeing her but he understands that he can't let her push him. She actually tried to refuse coming with us this past Saturday because she was having fun and wanted us to come back later that night but DH refused. She was a grumpy at first but when he didn't engage with her and told her he wouldn't until she was in a better mood it stopped. Then again... Sunday came and she was fighting over the TV, her brother getting invited someplace which would make her bored and her refusal to shower.... those behaviors will stop this next week LOL
Ha....hmmmmmm. First,
Ha....hmmmmmm. First, congratulations on a pretty solid blended family foundation. Now, both you and your SO need to stop being the beck-and-call bitches to the toxic manipultive whims of a 12yo. She is 12. She does not tell daddy or his bride what to do, she does what she is told when she is told to do it or she gets her ass spanked.
Lather, rinse, repeat. Quit letting this little crotch nugget play you. Step up, be the adults and stop letting her play you.
You do realize that to fix this you will have to destroy the toxic wombed incubator of this evil spawn don't you? Get SO to court. Get a fixed visitation schedule, and nail BM's toxic ass to the wall. If she so much as thinks about not delivering the kid to DH for his court ordered visitation time she gets nailed with a contempt suit. Her serial breeding and pecker buddies would be parraded in court, put into the public record, and all of her spawn would know the facts of their whore mother's slut ways if she was in my blended family territory.
No quarter, zero tolerance, bring the pain. SD-12, her toxic, BM and and all of the common womb crotch dropping half sibs should all see what accountability for toxic behavior looks like.
Have fun destroying the whore BM and giving the toxic Step Spawn clarity.
I would were I you. }:)
HaHa, LOVE IT! On a
HaHa, LOVE IT!
On a positive note DH and I have always been able to talk about this stuff & he always has my back even if he pushes back a little at first. The changes so far have been great but because his DS (my SD) was so hard at first we still have more to do but there has been headway. We talked night before last in detail about how to fix the situation and take it to the next level. He was in total agreement on what needs to happen although we differ slightly on the chores but he's willing to do what needs to be done. He even agreed that if we don't make headway on it quickly that its time to get her into some therapy and maybe even do a few family sessions to help us get on the path the we as a couple want our family to be on. He is as concerned as I am and he knows he needs to get over the fear especially since he's not willing to hurt his own goals for our family which are a huge deal to him.
For the most part we have done really well in blending our families. We seem to hit these weird parts every 6 months or so and then its time for a new growth phase which does ruffles one of the kids feathers. The youngest seems to give the most push back because of her moms influence and the issues they have in that home. Yes, I generally refer to her in my head as a f.ing whore a lot LOL - I keep it to myself because I never want my SD to hear me say that. She is the worst mother I've met and it bothers me so much that she's not doing whats in the best interest of her daughter. I had a horrible husband, he was just as bad to our son as he was to me and after 2 years of him not seeing our son after we divorced, I filed for child support and suddenly I had a custody battle. I spent over 120K to ensure my son had what the child and family investigator, my son and I felt was in our sons best interest and it breaks my heart that ANY child would not have what I fought for my son to have "STABILITY, love, a home, &someone there for him". My SD does not have that at all. Her mom is too busy with men, drinking and her odd tattoo obsession. Its normal for DS to not see her mom till the middle of the night and everyone else raises this little girl.
My DH is finishing some advanced schooling and once its done he will deal with this woman in court. His step mom is one of the top family law attorney in Denver and his dad has a triple PHD as a child phycologist. We reached out to his dad for a little advice on this too. His dad flipped out when we told him that SD lays all over dad; my DH did talk to SD and told her that it needs to stop and that he's too old for it and they need to find a different way to spend time together since she's not a baby anymore.
I will not bow down to a stubborn 9 year old and luckily after the talk the other night I know I have full support and someone else to take the lead on fixing this situation too