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My step daughter says she's hated me her whole life and called me a c@#@

Litay's picture

I lurk but rarely post. The last time I posted, my step daughter had hit my husband because he insisted she apply for financial aid. Three years have passed, and my now 21 year old step daughter's conduct has been disappointing but not horrible. Sure, she blew us off on a pre-booked vacation which cost us hundreds of dollars. She has not been there for her brother, our son. However, her antagonism towards me has now blown up, and I don't know what to do.

We were out to dinner the other night. When we came home, we noticed that she had called dozens of times when we were out. She lost her social security card and needed her birth certificate immediately to get a job. My husband called her back and apparently, while leaving a message, left his phone on, so she could then hear the conversation that my husband and I were having. I remember saying something like, it was too late for her to come over; we had to go to bed. I get p at 5; or son gets up even earlier. My husband apparently said she was "manic."

She texted my husband some days later and reported that I had made it seem like she was not very important. When I texted her to ask how she got that impression and to apologize if I said anything untoward (which I can't remember doing), she refused to tell me what she heard. She wrote that she had hated me for her whole life (I've known her since she was 2) and that I was a lying manipulative c@##. She wrote to her father the next day about how good it made her feel to send me these texts.

She states that she never wants to have anything to do with us again, except she wants her father to continue to pay for her car and her phone.

Is this it?

notasm3's picture

She's 21 not 2. And she's a toxic asshole. A normal person does not keep toxic adults in their life. So feel no guilt at your PERMANENT removal of her from your life.

Your DH is a stupid idiot moron with no brain if he continues to pay her bills.

Little Miss Guttermouth should be cut off at the knees. No more money. Block her phone calls, etc.

It's called a consequence.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You were just handed a Golden Ticket, you lucky thing!

Thanks to your SD's refreshing honesty, she now holds the role of Persecutor, placing you as the innocent Victim and your DH as the Rescuer. She has really shot herself in the foot, so make sure your DH knows how "sad and hurt" you are. Be his soft place to land, rock his world in the bedroom, don't make any negative comments about SD, and this will likely strengthen your relationship.

Hopefully, your DH will give his monster what she wants AND take his/your tainted money with him

Cadence's picture

YES! This poster gets it. For once, you can be the party your DH wants to protect if you play this right.

You're out of SD's life, because you're going to do what she wants. You're hurt by it, but will have to accept it.

Keep those lines set, and have a happy marriage. SD is toxic if she's kicking you when you're down, and there's no use in devoting any of your energy to her and her dramas.

Litay's picture

Thanks for the input. At first, I was crushed, but now a happy feeling has begun to perculate: a golden ticket indeed.

He'll probably keep paying. I wouldn't ask him to stop because that's not the kind of person I am. He did tell her that her comments were unacceptable, so there's that.

I happen to have late stage ovarian cancer, so she doesn't have a lot of time to make it right. I don't have time to waste on her, either.

sandye21's picture

"I happen to have late stage ovarian cancer, so she doesn't have a lot of time to make it right." Does she know this?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

That monster made those comments about a woman who's been in her family circle for almost her entire life AND IS BATTLING CANCER??

There must be something seriously disordered in her brain. And in your H's as well if he keeps funding THAT.

I send you every good wish, Litay. Keep up the fight.

Litay's picture

She knows about the cancer-diagnosed two years ago, in remission for a year, although my numbers are climbing. She has never once asked how I am doing. I feel like all of you are liberating me to focus on what's important and people who truly care about me. I've tried so hard with her for so long...it's incredibly freeing to be done.

sandye21's picture

The thought of your SD being so nasty to you, knowing about your cancer, and your DH still paying for her phone, etc., makes me cringe. Your SD is truly evil and does not deserve the time of day from you. Please take care of yourself and God bless. (((HUGS)))

notasm3's picture

FYI - One of my dear friends lived 20 more years after having stage 4 ovarian cancer. Yes she had treatment and complications along the way. But she had mostly good times. Good luck to you.

robin333's picture

I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I agree with all the others - your golden ticket has arrived and SD is a really nasty human. Hooray, you no longer have to deal with her.

And 21 is beyond the age of relying on parental financial support. If my kid ever treated DH like that or vice versa, all financial assistance would be gone. I'm not going to reward someone for treating me like crap.

Litay's picture

My husband says he is done with her, except I know he will keep paying some of her bills.

still learning's picture

((((Hugs)))) Litay Smile Yes you are done! Focus on yourself, your family, DH, your son and all of the loving and supportive people in your life. When people are "heavy," let them go.

What an terrible woman, though I did get a laugh out of the "I never want to see you again but please pay for my car and phone," line. That reminds me of a book called, "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager." I read this years ago when dealing with teenage DD.

misSTEP's picture

She states that she never wants to have anything to do with us again, except she wants her father to continue to pay for her car and her phone

And I want a 8 figure savings account! That doesn't mean it is going to happen. I sure hope that your DH feels like if she wants nothing to do with both of you, that includes the money part!

If your DH continues to pay for things for her despite her disrespect, she will realize that disrespect daddy and he does SQUAT about it! She will lose more respect for him and he will be nothing more than an ATM machine.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

"called me a c@#@" THAT would end it for me with that cretin and I would certainly make it very clear to your hubby. No one, no one should be called names like that by any one let alone a step.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Ditto. Congrats. I think you will be better off without the drama. It will take some time, but live your life and try not to think about the step shit. It has taken me almost 3 years and I feel free of my toxic SD now.

Litay's picture

Thank you all. I am practicing feeling relief and joy, not sadness.