I've already posted about my holiday issue. I'm hosting dinner for DH's family a couple of weeks before Christmas. DH has four married siblings - all lovely people. His parents are deceased.

DH asked if he could invite SS30 and his pregnant GF. I said no. We didn't fight about it, but DH was all pouty for a few days.

SS is an alcoholic with a long history of domestic violence and rages. I honestly do not think he would cause a scene at dinner - but I just do not want him in my life at all. Plus DH's siblings despise SS (for many good reasons).

But I just said no - I did not go on about SS being such a POS.

SS has never invited DH or myself to come over for anything. Now that was understandable when he was couch surfing at various drug dens. But's he's now supposedly cleaned up his act and is living a "normal" life with his GF.

When I was 30 (and even younger) I invited my family over for meals - it was usually something easy and cheap like spaghetti but I was still hospitable. I have many fond memories of living in tiny apartments and having my parents and maybe even a couple of aunts and uncles over for dinner.

Do what you want to do and what you will be comfortable with. This year I asked my husband if he was making plans with his side of the family....I don't do functions with his side of the family due to the support they have given my SSs and rejected me and my daughters. He was uncertain. The very next day we got an invitation from a friend that invited us to their house and we decided this is what we are going to do this year. We are not spending it with family, no separation, no hard feelings.

That your DH would continue a relationship with anyone who treated his bride the way SD has treated you would be a deal breaker for me were I you. His spawn or not, SD is toxic, evil, and should be destroyed. Figuratively of course, unless she oversteps and assaults you. In that case, her destruction should be literal.

Stick to your guns, do not interface with the toxic stepspawn and keep the message in front of your DH that until he gets her under control, she adjusts her behavior, and approaches you to apologize with humility and full accountability and acceptance of her past bullshit that she will never again have a place in your life in any way, shape, or form.

Do not discuss it with him... tell him.

Enjoy your holidays.

"Dh keeps telling me to let bygones be bygones, which I have, as much as possible, but that still doesn't mean I want to go to her house to have dinner.

Anybody else get grief from dh's who want everybody to be one big happy family at the holidays"

Yep, been there and it is not pleasant. I've been sick so DD is coming to do the turkey and the trim the tree open house for the neighbors the following Saturday (our neighbors have been so helpful to us with cleaning gutters, getting rid of tree stumps, etc.) DD dislikes Twit, and the feeling is very mutual so I don't think DH is even going to suggest getting together and she is not invited to the open house.

Christmas? I am not going anywhere near that friggin cretin. I use to host a big spread on Christmas Eve and we would all open gifts. After several years of getting carp, and I mean carp from the goodwill, garage sale, etc, including dirty stained napkins (because she just knows that I like nice linen) and an junky ashtray (and I don't smoke) and have her say "it's the thought that counts". As DD said, she bet she spend a lot of time thinking how nasty she could be with those thought that counts gifts. I told DH no more, I'm done. I refuse to spend money for a nice dinner, prime rib, nice wine, etc. and be treated like trash.

He can go see her if he wants, but I've been all done for a long time.

You know how we all bend over backwards trying to keep the peace, make things nice for our dh's adult children, etc.?

No, no I don't.

Avoiding shit should be a year round activity - not just saved for the holidays.

dup

Last night when out for skid(20) b-day meal at a restaurant, (the only reason I go to any outing at a restaurant that involves skid is for my MIL who is the nicest lady in the world and she has no idea what a brat her grandson is), DH mentions that we should host Christmas eve family get together this year even though it is his sister's turn this year.
I reminded him that it is his sister's turn this year and he got all hostile and defensive. I told him that I am working the 24th and it isn't a good idea, the other factor I did not bring up at the table and remind DH of is that I will not have skid over to dinner until I have a sincere heartfelt apology from him that I have been waiting for since early March.

If he goes ahead with inviting his everyone over and his son, I will be going out of town that night to my sister's for a couple of days.

I hate the holidays ever since I have became a step mom. Go figure.

husbands are always such cowardly suck ups who want us to put our dignity aside out of their own guilt so they can have a feel go moment.

if you want to go then go. otherwise stay at home and leave them to their time together.

"Anybody else get grief from dh's who want everybody to be one big happy family at the holidays?" Yup.

Last night ss26 and grandskids came over after 4 months of not seeing them; they live 10 mins away. DH brought up Thanksgiving plans and ss26 says he is busy the entire week having dinners and parties at diff family members/friends houses. DH said, "We'll just wait until you're free then we'll have our Thanksgiving." I have 2 boys here and thought how unfair it was for them to not have Thanksgiving. They'd go back to school from their break and still be waiting to have Thanksgiving. I piped in, "OR we can get together and have a 'left-over' dinner, whenever you're free." Dh looked lost, widdle skiddie was not jerking him around making him wait for that dribble of affection. Later I told DH that I have decided that we WOULD be having a Thanksgiving meal ON Thanksgiving at our home. If anyone wants to bring a dish and join us they can. Skids/DH are not going to wishy washy dictate when/if me and my children celebrate.

If family is really that important to ss's they'd make time for their own father in their "busy" holiday schedules. Sorry DH, the "one big happy family" dissolved long ago and I'm not gonna be jerked around.