Vacations: Always all together?
My wife has 4 kids from before (14,14,18, 20). Her ex pays no child support. She doesn't work. All of them live in our home all the time. I have a 6 yo daughter from previous marriage (shared custody). We have a 4 year old son together.
I have taken the whole crew on summer vacations (outer Banks, Jersey Shore, etc) over the years. It's always a disaster, as I'm sure you can imagine. And expensive, to boot.
My job is extraordinarily stressful. My home life is strained. I need vacations to re charge every 4-5 months.
My wife has always refused getaway offers for just us. She claims that "she won't be able to figure out how to get all the kids watched and taken care of". I am so burnt out right now and in dire need of a vacation this winter break. I just want to go with my two kids, and my wife. The SK's have rich grandparents who take them to Hawaii, Europe etc (just them). The mere fact that I brought this up has caused a major skirmish between my wife and me. She says she would never go on a vacation without her kids. And she thinks I am being a selfish ass for even considering going away alone with my kids. She has threatened to prevent me from taking our 4 year old son.
Is this insane? Am i being obtuse here, not seeing something obvious?
I support all four SK's
I support all four SK's because the bio dad is an abusive ass who pays nothing. The grandparents swoop in with fancy gifts and take the SK's on big trips. They contribute nothing to house expenses.
"I just want to go with my
"I just want to go with my two kids, and my wife."
No wonder she said no. When I started reading this was thinking the woman was nuts. Who doesn't want to go on an adult only vacation. But that isn't what you want. You want her to go on vacation with her STEPKID and leave her bio kids at home. I would never agree to that.
I would do an adult only vacation or a vacation with just the 4 year old and the two of you. There's no way in hell I would go on vacation with a minor step kid and leave my minor bios behind.
I also wouldn't give you a hard time about taking the kids alone.
It depends on the family. I
It depends on the family.
I still take my son (24)on vacations.(Not all) Spring break we went to Disney world with my sister's family. Next summer we're going on a cruise. Once he's married and has a family of his own, I plan to take them on vacations as well.
You're right. I'm too much of
You're right.
I'm too much of a control freak to let someone support me and mine.LOL But I still wouldn't go on a trip with my step kid and leave my bios home.
Well i HAVE taken herentire
Well i HAVE taken herentire crew on family trips. I'm just looking for 3-4 days in the Florida sun before I lose my mind. It's tough living with four adult sized kids who are not your own. Just need a break
Just take your two on the
Just take your two on the trip.
Why does your wife get the final say on this?
I can understand not wanting
I can understand not wanting to leave the 14s home with the 18 and 20. I'd be afraid that my house would turn into party central too.
However, I do think your wife should rethink. If it's ok for her bio kids to go off with their grandparents without their sibling, it should be ok for the sibling to go without them. Either the four of you go or you should be able to go with the 6 and the 4 year old. There are lots of places a 6 and a 4 year old will enjoy that the older kids won't.
If I were your wife I'd have no problem going when the older kids were off with the grandparents. I'd also look into getting someone to watch the 14s if we went while they were home.
Do you have any friends where
Do you have any friends where you could go on a men only long weekend?
Yeah, that's an idea.
Yeah, that's an idea.
Bottom line is that she won't
Bottom line is that she won't "allow" me to take our son and with me and my daughter on a short vacation aloneduring the holidays. And she won't go on vacation with me and my daughter and our son unless her kids come too. And yet she does things all the time just with her kids (including our son) without me being present. It's a bad deal. I don't have the energy to fight it.
I learned my lesson on an
I learned my lesson on an expensive family vacation GONE WRONG. I will never vacation with my SKs, only my daughter. I don't care if my spouse likes it or not. I am not spending my precious vacation time catering to SKs. I do that on a daily basis.
The only vacation I would
The only vacation I would ever go on with all the kids is Disneyland. We do weekend trips to the sand dunes every couple months. If there were ever a time my bio kids couldnt go to the dunes, I wouldnt go. SO parents foot the bill to take all siblings and their SO to Hawaii every year. SO mentioned taking his DD7 next year if her BM couldnt take her. I promptly said eff that. As far as Im concerned, its not a vacation when kids are there... Ever, even in paradise.