Am I overreacting
I really need a male's perspective on this...
My husband has been having almost daily 2hour text conversations with his son's mother for about 2 weeks. It seems really excessive to me. Their son is only 2 and lives 5 hours away, so I completely understand that he has to communicate with her in order to know what is going on with his son. However, despite how much friendly chit chat they have, she does not actually allow my husband to spend any additional time beyond the one weekend per month that was court ordered. She only allows him to do one Skype chat per week. Anytime he ask to spend more time with him, it turns into an argument. But in the conversations she talks about how much their son needs him in his life. My husband is a teacher and has numerous weeklong breaks through out the year, she still will not let him have additional time during these breaks.
In the past, their conversation has progressed from friendly chitchat about their child to full on, "what kind of panties are you going to wear when I see you next time". When she found out that his motivation for pretending to want to rekindle their relationship was so he could see his son more, she refused to communicate with him at all for months. She has repeatedly made it known that she wants him to divorce me so they can raise their child together and is no where close to being over their relationship ending. Even though the conversation, right now, is strictly chit chat about what their son is doing at even given moment and pictures and videos of him, it bothers me. I feel very disrespected. I would love for her to send pictures and videos daily, but I don't see why they need to have conversations about how much he loves bacon or which one of their personalities he has or repeatedly over stating how their genes created such a cute little boy.
I feel like she's using their son as a pawn to get attention from my husband. And it pisses me off that he gives it to her. When she gets in her feelings or he reminds her that he is happily married, she refuses to send any pictures or communicate with him at all. As long as he gives her attention, she'll send pictures and videos daily, but she doesn't involve him in any decision making or let him actually be involved in their son's life. If they had an actual co-parenting relationship, I would be okay with more conversation, but at the moment, its just her and him chitchatting for hours about their son and in my opinion it doesn't benefit their son at all. Am I overreacting by expecting that he keeps conversation with her to a minimum, at least until she stops holding their son hostage.
NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. You are
NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. You are NOT overreacting. Honestly, when I read your post, I got sick to my stomach. You are right that she is using her small child as a pawn in some twisted game to get your husband back. But that is not your biggest problem. Your biggest problem is your hubby. He is ALLOWING her to do this, even playing the game right back with her. He needs to set up boundaries with her if he respects you. And those boundaries should limit phone conversations to something like, emergencies, illness, scheduling vistation, etc... There should be no talk about their past relationship or how the child resembles them each, etc, etc.. You could also limit the amount of time on phone calls to 15 minutes. Just a couple suggestions.
Here's the real kicker, if he refuses to set appropriate boundaries with her, and follow through with them, he is disrespecting you, and prioritizing his relationship with her over yours. Learn this early. Take care of this early. It will not change unless he allows it to. It took me 12 years to realize this. If I had earlier, I honestly don't think I would have stuck around for all the hell his BM put me through all those years.
Good luck! And be firm!
Thanks!
Thanks!
NO, not ok!! I had a somewhat
NO, not ok!!
I had a somewhat similar conversation with my DW back when we first started dating. She would argue with Bio about their daughter almost daily but the arguments were so trivial that it seemed like it was a game of negative flirting. It was via text and on the phone. I had to tell her that I understand that this is your DD's father but if you want to be in a relationship with me, than you need to stop having one with him. If your conversations with him don't consist strictly about the kid and within pickup & drop-off schedule, school events or relevant scenarios,I'm done!
It was the last time it happened, she started keeping it short, telling me everything they talked about(not that I told her to) and when he yelled at her she stuck up for herself and said, you can't talk to me like that and would hangup on him. I then had to explain that to him as well when he'd call back to yell again. Needless to say, it all stopped right there
Your DH is allowing his toxic
Your DH is allowing his toxic XW to play him. He needs to stop that crap immediately. If he doesn't knock it off immediately and permanantly I would call the locksmith to rekey the locks and put his idiot ass out on the curb.