Enough with the head games
I am so tired of my ex and his new girl friend playing head games with my daughter. My daughter went for a visit at her dads when I called to say good night I hear the step mom tell my daughter I am on the phone but she says my first name to my daughter (my daughter was four at the time and is now five). My daughter answers the phone and begins to say hi using my first name. I was so hurt and mad. I told my daughter I am mama to her and she is to call me that. I could hear the step mom and dh in the back ground laughing. I have my maiden name now and my daughter has her dads last name and they love to point that out to my daughter all the time to her. She asked me if I could have the same last name as her because she wanted me to be the same as her. I told her its just a name and it doesn't change that I am her mother and she is my daughter. I am so tired of fixing these damaging comments they make to my daughter. I try so hard to leave my daughter out of our grown up issues and they just seem to want to drag her into it using her to get to me. My new husband, son, daughter and I went to get our pictures taken and when we went to the photo studio the lady told us we can't get the family package because so and so (stepmom) told us you were coming in and they already got the family package with my daughter, unless we wanted the family package without our daughter. Can you beleive the nerve. She went out of her way to tell this photo lab that we were coming in to get family pictures done. She works next door and the two companys have the same management. I was so upset I couldn't say anything. We booked an appointment elsewhere. My mom did not think this was right and was not going to let it go as I would have done. She called the management and told them what happened. I got a huge apolagy from the photo studio and an offer to come in for a free session. I was too upset with them to do that. I couldn't see myself smiling at this photographer after what happened. Like really this step mom need to stop concerning herself with me. I am happy for my ex and want him to be happy. I don't want to get in their business and I don't want them in mine. I wish it would just stop.
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wow, what crapp.....
the photo incident is very close to harrassment in my opinion. I don't know how you can fix how they use your name to your daughter, all I can say is to keep correcting your daughter - sooner or later the daughter will address you correctly on her own. your ex and gf are very immature, I am sorry you have to go through that crap.
this forum is good as it makes me sm more sensitive to bm, too bad your ex's gf couldn't check this stuff out and gain some compassion.
Yuck, sounds like a mess. I
Yuck, sounds like a mess. I wonder why she is so focused on you? It is weird. I really don't pay much attention to ss mom. I try and respect her ideas and concerns with her son but what she does on her time is none of my business nor does it interst me. I'm sorry you got a mean one. To bad you aren't the ex in my situation
We would get along great. I have experienced the last name thing but reversed. SS has her last name and she likes to point that out to him. I think it confuses him. He asked me when I first got pregnant what the new babies last name would be. I said same as our. And he said its not like mine. I really didn't know what to say. It almost feels like a division of who is more related or something..... I hope you find the peace that your deserve 
The whole point is....
The whole point is just enjoy your time with these children. My daughter loves everyone and there is no reason for this type of insecurity. I don't think they realize how good they have it having my daughter in their life. Thank you for your encouragement and the I put a stop to the name thing right away and my daughter knows not to call me by my first name again unless telling someone my name. I am lucky, my daughter is so concerned with how others feel and loves everyone and life to the fullest and that is why it bugs me so much that they would want to make things ugly for everyone.
Thank You...I would like to see a change
I would like to see a change in everyones attitude since my daughter has a new sibling by myself and a new sidling by my ex and his gf. When they get older I would like my daughter to be able to have her sister and her brother at her party's or even going out together. I maybe asking too much of them but I would like to see that for my daughter. I mentioned going to the park with all the kids to the sm and she agreed it would be a good idea and then changed her mind. I might just have to wait for the kids to grow up before my daughter can spend time with both her siblings together in one room. She loves them both very much.
my brother use to take lil sis
When my brother was getting his daughter, he used to take her little sister too. She wasn't his kid, but wanted to do it and the little sister really enjoyed it. But when she reached the rebelous age, she would tell her dad that she wished her sister's dad was her dad instead.
I could spit nails at that one.
Omg, The whole name thing. I always refer to their Mother as 'Mommy' or 'Mom'. How dare this bitch disrespect you like that? Trust me, I don't like this BM one bit, but what's right is right.
It costs about 500 bucks to do the legal name change.
And what the frig is she doing calling the photographer. Did I understand you right?????? Are you flipping kidding me???
And the photo place bought into this bullshit. That's insanity. Holy crap. This is an innocent little girl who's five.
Complete and utterly unacceptable adult behavior.
Jo
she is the bm, the dh gf did this to her!
yeah
Little Jo
I wanted to change my daughters name to the same as mine but her dad refused to sign the papers and he has the right so I just dropped that subject and moved on. Whats a name and if she feels the need so badly to have the same name as me than she can do so when she is twelve. It doesn't bother me anymore. The sm works next door to the photo studio and knows the girls that work there. I think that is why she was able to convince them into doing something so ignorant. I felt like my privacy was invaded. I don't know if that makes sence but that is how I felt at the time.
How cruel!
You know, there are some biomoms out there that really make it hard on the good biomoms and then there are stepmoms like that who make us good ones look bad. Just goes to show it's not so much about bio or step, it's about mothers and pseudo-mothers... bottom line is that there are mean people holding both titles. I'm so sorry for this bad experience! No one with a true maternal bone in their body would've done that to another mother.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
New evil
I think that is great that your brothers ex allowed him to take both kids. I feel for that dad who was told by his daughter that she wished some else was her real dad instead. I would like to be able to get along with my ex and his gf so that we can meet up at different events without problems. I'm not saying I want to be their new best friend but I would like to be able to stand to be in the same room with them for the kids. I have a new family and so does my ex. The thing is my daughter has two split families she has to figure out how to balance. I just think if we attempted to do things together it would make her life alittle easier so she doesn't feel like the "middle man".
thank-you all
Anne
I completely agree. I know there are great fathers and not so great fathers and the same goes for bm, sm, sd. Its not the title its the person. Every situation is different because every person is different no matter who you are and what your title is.
Thanks for your support and comments.
I felt I got suckered
When my Daughter was 2 months old. her Bio father said the only way he could put her on his insurance was if she had his last name. So we changed the birth certificate. Which was REALLY funny when we were in court 6 months later and he was dening he was the Father.
Fast forward 16 years later and he has seen her 3 times since then, My daughter has two last names, Mine and his. When my Daughter found out my NEW BF(The guy I love with the 4 girls) and I are planning to get married, she said she wants to add his last name. And someday she will get married and add another last name. She told me "yeah, I wanna see how many last names I can rack up."
Jo
Too Funny
Little Jo, You sound like you have a real good humoured girl on your hands. I hope my daughter can see the good in difficult situations like yours did. People can be so tricky when they want something.
I don't quite understand who's bf your marrying hers or yours. You might want to edit your last comment.
Amazing how important
a last name can be to kids. When I got married the first time I wanted to keep my name, my ex flipped & told me not to show up unless I at least hyphenated. During that marriage he & his family never used my proper legal name. They pretended like it didn't exist. I went back to maiden name the day the divorce went through. When DH asked me to marry him,he expected that I would keep my name. I surprised him by insisting I wanted to have the same name as him & the boys. Mine was easy to say & spell, his gets mispronounced constantly. It pleased him & his kids that we were all going to have the same name. I think the kids would have had a hard time if mine wasn't the same as theirs. I know it makes it less confusing when I pick them up at ycare & school or when I sign off on homework.
that bothers me alittle
I have to say it does bother me alittle when they call from her school and refer me to Mrs. ex's last name. It would make things easier to all have the same last name but it is impossible since I have a new baby and my ex has a new baby. Just have to deal with it.
I hear you
DH wishes that the ex would have taken back her maiden name. I understand why she didn't, although if she were ever to get remarried I hope she takes new husbands name. She does go by MS now & I go by Mrs. ( something I never did before nor thought I would as a big liberal modern woman... go figure) I love being married!!! ( ok I think it has to do with the man I married LOL )
Lol...Sweetthing
I think it real does have to do with the man you married. When you find someone you just both click so well together enjoy every mement. I love to hear when someones life is going good in some parts of their lives even though other parts are not so good. I like where I am in life for the most part, so alittle disruption from the ex and the gf really only bothers me sometimes....lol. I can't have everything right!
When it's right it's right
It's funny but I have a hard time picturing my husband & his ex as a couple. I have seen pictures of them & the kids when they were married. They are smiling in the pics but they just don't seem like they belong together. They are just so different, even when I see her with her BF who she loves I can't see how her & DH were ever compatable. My DH is a very sensitive guy and she is so hard. He is very cuddly and warm and she is like one of the guys, physically & emotionally. I am her polar opposite, I am girly and curvy and a snuggler & a hugger. I know that sometimes my guy just needs unconditional love and needs to feel special.
Trust me, my guy can be a handful at times ( who isn't) but he is perfect for me. ( I know I am sickningly in love )