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SD too attached to BM?

Lwallaceak's picture

My SD is 12 years old. In the school year we have every other weekend and in the summer 2 weeks/2 weeks. This has been the arrangement since she was 5 or 6 years old. I've been in the picture for 5 years now and we have had a few times where she misses her mom during the summer but nothing crazy. But this summer has been AWFUL! She can't go more than 2 days without needing to talk to her mom, text, cuddle a stuffed bear with her moms perfume ect...
Her mom has told her she is in the "crying age" where girls just need their moms. She also texts my SD almost everyday saying "missing you!" The phone is new as of this summer so we are sort of stumbling our way through it.
So I guess my question is, is all of this healthy behavior? My parents sent me on a two week trip when I was 10 and I never cried for my mom. My SD also goes to camp every summer for a week and doesn't cry while she is there.
Any tips or thoughts?
Thanks!!

Rags's picture

Yep I have a suggested solution. When she walks in the door to your house her phone gets locked up until she leaves. That solves the problem.

End of issue.

We gave the SKid a phone in 8th grade because it was convenient for us. We could call him and tell him were we would pick him up instead of having to chase all through the school looking for him after sports or band practice. When we started noticing huge phone bills and a zombie kid in the AM we took his phone every evening after school and gave it back when he left to catch the bus in the AM on school days.

You and dad be the adults and step up. When in your home you make the rules.

Take the phone.

IMHO of course.

Lwallaceak's picture

We are going to be taking the phone next time she comes. At her moms, she lives in a place that has no cell service so it is useless to us to communicate with her but she is constantly on it here talking to her mom. She has access to the home phone any time she wants as well as having an email address. She isn't cut off from her mom in the slightest but we really don't see a good reason to have a constant reminder of her mom.
I totally get that some kids mature at different rates and she might be one of those kids who gains independence slower. But this is the first summer we've had this problem! She has been used to the 2 weeks/2 weeks since she was six. She also goes to camp every summer for a week and she doesn't cry there. But she told us this last week that even in the school year when she is here every other weekend she misses her mom by Saturday.
Her mom doesn't help at all! Tells her that she is in her "crying age" and that a soon as she starts her period we'll have to change the visitation so my SD is with her when she is on it "because a stepmom can't take the place of a mommy". BM lets my SD call the shots as far as visitation goes. When my husband said no she needed to come for our weekend once and my SD was crying about it, BM took a video of her and posted it on YouTube so we could see "how we were affecting her". In the video she was disparaging my husband and telling my SD he was being unreasonable(for us not wanting to lose our weekend which happened to be over my hubby's birthday and we were going camping).
I do appreciate all the advice and thoughts. My SD's situation is tough and since the family I grew up in is intact, I know I can't truly understand. We really just want her to be happy when she is here like she used to be.