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daughter is jealous when i am affectionate with my fiance

Confusedmomma's picture

Hi I am new here so let me just give a little background info
I have a four year old daughter from a previous relationship who sees her biological father maybe once every few months if that he is not very involved and we were never together after i had my daughter. I have currently been dating my fiance for three years two of those years we were in a long distance relationship in June he came back to ny and we have been seeing each other everyday my daughter loves him but is kinda having a love hate relationship with our relationship, She does not like it when we are affectionate with each other at all if we hug or kiss in from of her she gets furious and says we don't love her and we only love each other. I am very affectionate with my daughter and tell her i love all day lover my fiance also tells her how much he loves her and gives her attention. I don't really know what to do about this situation any advice is helpful!

SmileForMe's picture

I have this problem with my child and my husband. My child has a definite love/hate thing going on with my husband. It's hard to watch. I think children have a hard time deciding what to make of the other adult in the house that isn't their bioparent. You daughter obviously feels threatened by him which will hopefully resolve itself in time I think you're doing the right thing by being affectionate and caring. It's also important not to give her the reaction she desires when she's doing the whole, "you don't love me" thing...I think it's important to invite her into the hugs and snuggles just to include her but don't go overboard like some people do. Some people just stop hugging and kissing their spouse/BF in order to shower the child with all kinds of love and "what do you mean sweetie??OF COURSE we love you." If you stop hugging your BF just so you can coddle your daughter, she'll get used to that reaction and she'll abuse it as children tend to do with things that cause the reaction they were seeking.

"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*

buttercup123's picture

I wouldn't stop hugging and kissing your BF. It's good for your daughter to see love and affection, and not just towards herself. I would just tell her that she is very loved and that you have room in your heart for both her and your BF. Kids need to hear it over and over so never stop telling her.

Confusedmomma's picture

Thank you for your replies I will continue to tell her how much i love her and hug and kiss her but i will also still be affectionate with my bf hopefully she will get use to it. I do think she was using my reaction to the situation to make me feel bad and give her that extra attention.

buttercup123's picture

I'm sure she will get used to it. You are doing everything right. It has to pay off right?