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How to deal with "I don't like your rules, I want to go to mum's"?

confused2013's picture

Hi, I am looking for some advice and some examples if possible Smile

I have a ss11 and ss8 and a daughter with my partner who is 1yo. For the last 12 months, the step sons have been in our primary care, with their dad a stay at home father. They see their mum every second weekend and when she feels like taking them out for dinner during the week.

We have worked really hard to put structure and stability in their lives which was missing when they lived with their mother.

Last night ss11 had a pre-teen tantrum when he didn't get ice cream but his brother did because he didn't eat any vegetables and stormed to his room. He got on the phone with his mother and organised to go to her place the next day (a day earlier than agreed). He came and told his dad, who said there would be no early swap. After talking with his mother, she begrudgingly agreed.

SS11 denies he wanted to go to his mothers because he was upset and angry. He says he needs to spend more time with her. And that we are "keeping him from his mother" and making him very upset.

Does anyone have any suggestions what to do? I worry that if we start this now, it will never end "I don't like your rules, I will go to mums place".

Rags's picture

Since when does an 11yo get to dictate where they live or what a visitation schedule will be? They don't.

As for how to deal with it,.... share the facts. The facts are the CO that clearly outline the custody and visitation schedule. A CO is a legal document and the default is that Dad can not violate the CO and the 11yo has to comply with the CO too. SIt the SKid down and review the CO with him and let him know that poor behavior will not be tolerated and just because he throws a tantrum does not mean he gets to call mom much less go live with her.

Hold him accountable, discipline the bullshit behvior and don't tolerate the bullshit.

IMHO of course.