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They're not babies anymore! (A Rant)

mm86's picture

So I've been through "step parent hell" for the last year...We've gotten in so many fights over BM calling in the middle of the night, SD5's mini-wife syndrome, MIL hating me-you name it! We've had lots and lots of talks and set up boundaries so that I feel comfortable. For example, no kids allowed in our room PERIOD without permission, a strict early bedtime so that WE can spend time together as a couple, and I've given up babysitting his kids on top of watching my own because it was too much stress for me. The result? His SDs and my BD are like best friends/sisters and play together on the weekends when they're all here. DH and I have a new three month old baby boy who needs our constant love and attention..SD5 isn't nearly as clingy and following DH around like she used to...Everyone is happy but DH!

Last night he said he felt like he was "losing" his girls because they want to play with my BD-who is their age-rather than follow him from room to room and hang all over him. UGH!!!!!! I just want to smack him. I told him that school aged children should want to play with other children, not hang all over their parents 24/7! They aren't babies anymore. They don't need their dad's attention constantly--THANK GOD! We almost broke up over his daughter's mini wife syndrome it was so bad. We hardly ever fight now and our relationship has gotten so much better...Plus I've helped him stand up to BM so that he sees them on holidays and their birthdays, get to throw them birthday parties, etc. All things he never got to do before he met me. He had never even spent a Father's Day with his kids before me.

I'm just so pissed off that my efforts haven't been noticed or appreciated. He wants them to stay toddlers forever and still whines that he "never sees them" snd they "might as well not even be here" because they're having fun playing with my daughter and playing with the neighborhood kids outside. Isn't that normal???? I don't remember hanging all over my parents when I was 5, 6, 7, 8 years old. I remember playing outside with my friends. Oh and he's jealous because I get to see my kids every day...Yes it's such a joy, waking up at 6am to pack lunches, get them ready for school, take them to the bus stop, make them do their home work, get them fed, bathed and to bed on time...all while I'm taking care of a newborn. I pinch myself every day.

mm86's picture

I should also add that he's wonderful with the baby, lavishes tons of affection on him..to the point that when he comes home from work he doesn't put the baby down. But now he's saying he can't "spend time with the girls" because he has to take care of the baby. It's like he feels guilty about spending more time with the baby. I think it's perfectly normal and natural to focus on the INFANT more than the older children that can feed and entertain themselves. Is he still gonna act like this when they're 30 years old? Good lord..

Disneyfan's picture

Sometimes we rush in to fix "problems" that men don't view as problems.

I have to be honest, if I were a NCP, I would want to spend visits interacting with my kids.

Lisa33's picture

I agree, it is normal and healthy for kids to play with other kids, do not be worry