new here
Hi all. I am new here. I have been lurking and reading posts and decided it was time for me to join the conversations. I have 4 kids--2 are my bio kids, BS is 8 and BD is almost 7. I have 2 SK, SS is 8 and SD is 6. DH and I have been married for a year and a half. BM is a WACKJOB and thinks she is mom of the year. SS has Aspergers and is super angry and violent (imagine that when he grows up he will shoot up a school or something--I'm not even kidding), and BM doesn't think he needs therapy or anything--just to have chill time with his Legos (this woman is on crack, and it's not the good stuff, clearly). Both SS and SD are not smart (SD can't read or write) and that causes issues at school because they become defiant when they don't want to do work--they are frequently in the in-school suspension room or sent home. my BS and BD are not behavior problems, and do well in school. we never have any issues like with the SK.
I really need support and a place to vent because I feel like I'm in HELL when the SK are around. I DREAD weekends, and am finding it really really hard to like either of them. The super awesome part is that I get to be with them ALL SUMMER and DH goes to work and I get to stay home w them. It's pure torture. I hated my life last summer and felt like I wasn't being a good parent to my bio kids. No one wants us around when SK are with us--not my family, not my friends, because their behavior is SO awful. DH kind of gets it but makes me feel guilty when I say I want to do things w my own kids, not w his. I can't stand these 2. They are horrible and mean and disrespectful. I wish they would be w BM all the time. It's like heaven when they aren't around.
I need support--not for someone to tell me it will get better because at this point I think I will just be stuck in misery until they are 18, so feel free to post stories or any advice (if that's possible) that could help me make it through this!
thanks! I look forward to reading more! 
Will it get better? Probably
Will it get better? Probably not. Can you do anything about it? Maybe, but that would require some work on your part. Disengaging has seemed to work for many of us on this site. For a long while, when things were unbearable for me, I used to "coincidentally" always have a "thing" to attend at a girlfriends house. Or I'd get up early Saturday and go get my hair done, then I'd go get a pedicure, then I'd get a manicure, then I'd grab lunch, then I'd go window shopping. I managed to escape the weekends for, I'd like to say, a good 6 months or so. It made my life more bearable. I'd get home, throw on some headphones and read. Tuning out the chaos and the noise and the constant "Daaaaaddddyyyyyy!" I am now in my 13th year of SMism and it is much more tolerable. I'm down to just one Skid who comes EOW and who is not as big a pain in the ass as she was before. If I were you, I'd look into free summer camps or activities that you can sign those kids up for. Or else you will absolutely go postal.
I don't know if it will get
I don't know if it will get better for you. I can say that it seems like if you could get DH and BM to medicate SS at least, things would at least be better. What does the school say other than punishing them? Do they want to see the kids on something or counseling? Have you talked to anyone and expressed your concerns?
I would LOVE to be able to
I would LOVE to be able to escape "accidentally" every weekend, but DH whines and complains about me going ANYWHERE without him and causes issues between us. He has zero friends and his family sucks, so I am his only entertainment. It's annoying and draining. Plus, if I take my kids and go somewhere then I am "alienating" him and his kids. Sounds fun, huh?! I would love to do free camps but SS has such poor social skills and behavior that I would probably be able to take him somewhere for 20 minutes and get a call to go pick him up because he hurt another kid. We would have to put him in an autism specific summer camp and that starts at $1000 a month. Yeah like we have that kind of money laying around...
As for meds, he is on 54mg of ritalin right when he wakes up and then 10mg 2x a day. We upped his meds this summer because he is so out of control. School doesn't do anything. They think that his 20 minutes/week social skills class is enough. Yeah right. They might think differently if he did something super horrible. Last week he was in ISS for chasing kids around w a screwdriver, saying he was going to kill them. DH would like for them to be in counseling but he's lazy and won't be proactive and find a counselor, etc. I used to do everything like find counselors and call insurance and I stopped because I was doing everything (maybe that's the beginning of my disengaging??). I have only talked to my family and friends, and our social worker at school. I'm sure I should go talk to a counselor but my nights are ridiculously crazy and I don't know when I could fit it in!!
I would LOVE to be able to
I would LOVE to be able to escape "accidentally" every weekend, but DH whines and complains about me going ANYWHERE without him and causes issues between us. He has zero friends and his family sucks, so I am his only entertainment. It's annoying and draining. Plus, if I take my kids and go somewhere then I am "alienating" him and his kids. Sounds fun, huh?! I would love to do free camps but SS has such poor social skills and behavior that I would probably be able to take him somewhere for 20 minutes and get a call to go pick him up because he hurt another kid. We would have to put him in an autism specific summer camp and that starts at $1000 a month. Yeah like we have that kind of money laying around...
As for meds, he is on 54mg of ritalin right when he wakes up and then 10mg 2x a day. We upped his meds this summer because he is so out of control. School doesn't do anything. They think that his 20 minutes/week social skills class is enough. Yeah right. They might think differently if he did something super horrible. Last week he was in ISS for chasing kids around w a screwdriver, saying he was going to kill them. DH would like for them to be in counseling but he's lazy and won't be proactive and find a counselor, etc. I used to do everything like find counselors and call insurance and I stopped because I was doing everything (maybe that's the beginning of my disengaging??). I have only talked to my family and friends, and our social worker at school. I'm sure I should go talk to a counselor but my nights are ridiculously crazy and I don't know when I could fit it in!!