8 is way too old to be sleeping in the parents bed. There is something wrong here, especially if your BF is getting angry or defensive when you ask him to move his son to his own bed.

& why are you leaving the bed? This is his problem. He leaves the bedroom.

-___- :? :? :jawdrop: :sick:

No you are not off the mark and you have come to the right place. Some people have no problem with co-sleeping. Some parents actually like it. I don't. I believe children need to learn to sleep by themselves and need to be taught this early.

When I met my SS, he and DW were co-sleeping. DW admitted that it was a problem and that she was trying to work on it, but with her break-up, the moves, etc...It was difficult to ween SS off of co-sleeping and she agreed that this was something we needed to work on. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that the rules that DW and I tried to put in place for SS, were only being enforced by me.

Flash forward 6 years later and it is STILL a problem. No, DW and my SS don't co-sleep, but SS routinely pulls stunts to avoid going to bed. DW managed to ween SS off of co-sleeping, but there were days where she just couldn't be bothered (or was just too tired) to stay consistent with him and just slept with him. What would typically happen is that she would lay with him until he fell asleep and then she would come into bed with me. SS would wake up, realize he was alone and then creep into our bed and sleep with us! I put my foot down. I told DW and SS that there was no way I would allow SS to sleep in our bed. DW agreed that it was inappropriate and we both laid down the law.

That is when the midnight zombie calls started.

"Moooom?"

"Maaaaaaaaaawm?"

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWM?"

SS was always calling for his mother for one thing or another in the middle of the night; "I heard a strange noise!", "I can't sleep!", "I just remembered I have a book report due tomorrow."

My all time favorite excuse for waking us up in the middle of the night is "I can't sleep, my hair hurts!"

I got so irritated being woken up in the middle of the night like this that I stormed into SS's room, pointed at him and said "If you wake me up again, THE HOUSE BETTER BE ON FIRE!"

SS stopped calling for his Mom after that.

As you can see, weening children off of co-sleeping requires bucket-loads of patience, and most importantly CONSISTENCY!!! It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Yes the kid is going to be upset. Yes he is going to cry. DO. NOT. GIVE. UP!!! This applies to you and your BF. The moment you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. My DW still doesn't understand this concept (although she is trying) but your BF must be told that he is doing his child a huge disservice by letting him co-sleep. The longer he waits to correct this, the harder it will get. My SS is now 13 and he STILL wants to be tucked in at night. He's 13 but he has the mental maturity of a 6 year old. The only time he didn't want to be tucked in was because he was sneaking his iPhone into bed (that's a whole other story).

Yeah, I have run the gauntlet of bedtime antics, and while I have a wealth of experience on the subject, I fully admit my own failures on this subject which is why I have disengaged from my SS at bedtime. Past 10:30pm, I pretend he doesn't exist. If he comes out of his bedroom to me to ask me for something, I tell him to go see his mother.

I have two bios (4 and 2). The 2-year-old still cries in the middle of the night but she goes back to bed in her crib once I console her. My other kid? He sleeps peacefully throughout the night (no co-sleeping). Yes, I will lay down with him and read him a story, but I don't co-sleep with him. I find co-sleeping stunts a child's maturity and I will argue until I am blue in the face on how wrong it is.

OK, I have been there. Now, there are a couple of things. Honestly, with an intact family I see NOTHING wrong with this. However, with a divorced parent, sadly, things MUST be different. The BS about all should be the same is just that, BS. You deserve to sleep with your DH, he needs to put a stop to the co-sleeping immediately. You see, with divorced kids, they WANT to split you up and if you give them this power when they are 8, they will play it forever. With intact families this is different. Yes, I don't care what anyone says. Sleeping in the same bed as your BIO PARENTS is NOT the same as sleeping with your BIO parent and the new boyfriend or girlfriend and THEY should be your priority. Simple. He needs to get the kid out of the bed as soon as he can. I would say, like, IMMEDIATELY. He needs to find CDs, books, nightlights or whatever to get the kid to be on his own IMMEDIATELY.

I dealt with the co-sleeping bs when DH and I moved in together and he had SD (she was 2 at the time, she is 5 now). Before we moved in together, DH and SD slept together but here's the thing- when we moved in together, I flat out refused to have a kid in my bed. Nope, not happening. That kid was NEVER allowed in my bed and I would be damned if I left my own bed so that she can sleep with my husband (boyfriend at the time). You have got to stop giving in to this ridiculous behavior. Not to mention 8 years old is WAY too old to be co-sleeping. I am against co-sleeping but I could see why DH thought it was ok when SD was 2, but 8 freakin years old? That kid is in school all day without daddy, there's no reason in this world he needs to sleep with daddy. That's downright disturbing. Time to put an end to this!

I know this is a forum for step parents to vent, but I came upon this forum and felt that the "other side" needs to be offered. I am a divorced single mother with two kids. I have been co-sleeping with my kids (8 daughter and 6 son) since my divorce 5 years ago, which was traumatic for all concerned. I personally LOVE this peaceful time with my children, and so do they. Because I share custody, I find that we need this time to reconnect and sync up. I get to feel the sublime comfort of their presence, while also providing comfort and security. I am immediately available when nightmares or disturbances upset them, and studies show that this increases empathy and enhances personal connections with others. I am in a relationship now that is getting serious, and my BF is not happy with my co-sleeping choice, and so I am trying to find a compromise myself. But in reading the responses to your post, I find that step parents are very rigid on this, stating that something is WRONG with the bio parent or WRONG with a child, and that co-sleeping is WRONG. That makes me sad for the children in this world, with divorce on the rise, kids are ever aware of the fleeting connection between people, and I think this has a very deep and dovetailing consequence for our society as a whole. Firstly, I have done my research, and there is no evidence to support that co-sleeping is in ANY way harmful to a child's development. In traditional cultures all over the world, co-sleeping has been a common practice. Not only is it NOT damaging to the children, it is proven that co-sleeping has a long list of benefits for both the child and the parent(s) involved. A simple Google search can produce ample evidence to back me up here. Where it gets tricky is when a new BF/DH/GF/SM is introduced. While I appreciate my boyfriends view point, I also feel that my children are only little for a short time, and that time is important. Couples who live together that are full time parents may have more reason to ween the kids from the bed sooner, but creativity and making the most of your alone time (or creating a space for just the two of you) can often help you and your partner find compromise. Perhaps the step child needs to feel the connectivity of their parent in light of the emotional insecurity of the divorce and living in two separate homes. A child can't articulate their emotions and often, so it is important to have empathy for this child and not view him as "manipulative." He seeks comfort and reassurance, and if denied, the child may resort to more creative measures to get the attention they once received, whether it is good attention or bad. Behavioral issues arise in these cases, and then you have bigger problems on your hands. Your DH sounds like a very good man, and if I were you, I would do some further reading about this topic and also, for the love of all innocence, respect a child's desire to be near their parent. There are many psychological and physiological reasons why he needs and wants this. Soon he will be a teen and want nothing to do with mom or dad. Now is the time when bonds are formed and neuro-pathways are formed, even well into adolescence (our brains are ever changing). Beyond your own personal comfort or desires for intimacy, there is something very precious about co-sleeping (which isn't necessarily the same thing as bed-sharing). Step parents owe it to their partner to seek to understand why this irreplaceable time is so important for him/her when their child is young. You can't get that time back. Co-sleeping isn't for everyone, but the benefits far outweigh the negative consequences, as long as the adults in the situation can come to a compromise that works for everyone. I suggest that you and your partner talk to your step son together and explain how it's important for you two to have a special time alone, and get him to help you come to a solution that gives him some say in the matter. He would be less likely to buck or manipulate if he helps in the problem solving process (which is a far more important life skill than learning to sleep alone). Above all, anyone who says that a parent should put their relationship before their child is not giving much consideration to the parent and the child in that equation. If you feel neglected, expressing your feelings and working with your partner to find a resolution is paramount. We all need love and affection, and reassurance of such. That is what being in a relationship and being a parent is all about, and it is the reciprocity of those behaviors that create the strongest bonds.

Goal for the summer? This is an immediate thing not a goal for the summer thing. IMHO of course.

SO needs to put the kid in the guest room, tell him that is where he sleeps from now on. Tuck him in. And close the door and go to your shared bed. End of story.

If your bf can't fix this issue now, he will not be able to fix many other issues,,, ask him to solve it ,, if not walk out of this life .... 8 yo is too old

Upon further thought.... this is your BF's issue and would be a deal breaker for me were I you.

You do not belong in the guest room and the 8 year old boy does not belong in his father's bed! You need to have a discussion and change the arrangement asap. You two are a unit and there is no time like the present to straighten things out.