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Why do stepparents disown their stepchildren??

grace2009's picture

Hello,

I am in my late 20's, and about 3 years ago my parents divorced. My mother passed when I was little, and my dad remarried shortly after. My former stepmother raised me, and we had some tumultuous years, but towards the last few years they were married- it got better. They were married for almost 25 years before they divorced. The divorce really wasn't a surprise. They hadn't been getting along for a while, and they were harsh to each other. Well, right after I got married- my stepmother disowned me. I always tried to do the right thing. I had moved out of the country a few years ago, but I still kept in touch. During the divorce it was hard to talk to her because she was suffering ( as we all were), and she was negative. I called her right after my honeymoon, and she cut me off the phone. No explanation..nothing. It has been 4 years, and she hasn't spoken to me since. I gave up trying, and I even saw her a few times in public places when I visit my country, but she ignores me. This has hurt me horribly. My mother passed, and then this women comes along who I later grew to accept. She says I am like one of her own- then she disowns me.
I assessed if I did anything wrong, and I haven't. I honestly can't fathom this, and she won't talk to me to figure it out.
Can someone who maybe can understand this let me know maybe WHY. My thing is- how can anyone disown someone they helped raise and called their own. I wish I knew. I have forgiven her, and I pray for her a lot, but it still hurts. I feel so betrayed. I feel maybe she is projecting the rejection on me that she feels? Any comments? I would appreciate it!

Amazed's picture

it simply hurts her too much to be in touch with you. Some women are like that when there's a divorce or trauma like that in their life. They cut out everything that reminds them of that time even if they're cutting out a person they love very much. It sounds as though she's taking the "easy" way out by disconnecting herself from you but I bet it's hard for her no matter what road she takes. It is also possible she has given in to outside pressure to let you go because you aren't her biochild. She may have a lot of people in her life telling her you're no longer her business, you're no longer allowed to be part of her life,etc...It's weird what people will say sometimes in regard to stepmothers and their limitations.
I'm not taking up for her though. I think what she's doing is 100% wrong no matter what the reason. She raised you, your mother is gone, just because you are grown doesn't mean you don't need her anymore. I'm nearly 30 and still call my mother EVERYDAY.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you honey...hang in there and don't blame yourself at this point.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

grace2009's picture

Hi Barbie,

Not sure if you got my last posting. I am new to this, and I wonder if I am doing it right!?

I appreciate the response

do you honestly think she could have stopped loving me and never thinks about me? I just can't get how someone can be so heartless.

melanie's picture

I hate to say this, but stepmother's (at least me) start out with good intentions. Generally, it is unfortunately the fault of step children and ex-wives that new relationships don't work out. I think you need to take an honest look at whatever you did. You know deep down what you did to negatively impact your father and your stepmother's relationship. All, I can say is there is unreasonable expectations for step parents. You cannot win, so you just give up and right them off.

grace2009's picture

Barbie,

I just wanted to say thanks to your reply.

It makes perfect sense to me. It just kills me that she can disown me, but I feel it's easier cause I am not her own. I am not sure how one really does that though! I feel it's so heartless! and immature! I could easily disown my sister- who is her daugther, but I don't, and I am 30 year younger than my former stepmother.

I had a ?. I know you can't get in her mind, but you seem to have understanding of this. Do you feel that she has banished me from her mind forever? Could she possibly still love me and think about me?

Stick's picture

Honey, I absolutely think your SM could still love you and probably does think about you very often.

I am sure that she is hurting as well. And I'm also pretty positive that BBB is spot on... With both the fact that some women do need to cut themselves off from all relationships pertaining to another one that has passed ... And with the fact that your stepmom may have some people telling her to stay away, that you are your father's daughter and perhaps it would be in everyone's best interest if she had no contact.

She may not realize the pain she is causing you.

I have 4 questions for you:

1. How does your father feel about you wanting her in your life?

2. What does your sister (her daughter) say about all of this?

2. If you make contact and stepmom still cannot handle it how are you going to feel then?

3. Will you be able to move forward - no matter what stepmom's response is?

Children (whether bio or not) are often "collateral damage" in a divorce. They get hurt by the fallout between the two adults. I am sorry this is happening to you and it sounds like you would like to have your stepmom back in your life.

If I were you... I would possibly consider writing a letter and mailing it to your stepmom. Let her know how you feel, how much you miss her in your life and how she has been a positive influence in your life when you were younger. Mail it, and then possibly follow up with your sister to see if she received it. Say whatever it is you need / want to say. I cannot guarantee she will respond, but at least you can rest assured that you will have let her know what you want her to know.

THE ONLY CAVEAT I would add to this is DON'T DO IT if you cannot handle a less than positive response from SM. If you are in limbo and just want to move forward, or to get closure, then this could be a good route for you. But if, for whatever reason - if your stepmom's anger toward your father somehow spills onto you and she lets it loose - if that will set you back or hurt you, then don't do it.

My thoughts and prayers for a good outcome on this are with you!

Best wishes...

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

grace2009's picture

Thank you for the reply!

I am almost 30, and I got married nearly 3 years ago. My dad has been married 8 times, and he is here and there. I choose to have him in my life, but if I didn't pursue him- he would probably not pursue me. Moving out of the country right before their divore hit the roof was one of the smartest things I ever did. I didn't know it was coming.....well maybe, but God knew I needed to be protected. My dad and I talk, but he handle emotions and deep conversations. I feel if I did want her back in my life- then it's up to me.

When the divorce happened- my sister cut me off too ( her daughter) One day I decided to text her, and she texted me right back. I guess she avoided me cause she doesn't like my dad, and she felt I would try to make her bother with him. I am the older sister. Now we talk, but we choose not to talk about him or her. We keep the focus on us.

When she cut me off ( my former stepmother) I did write a letter of release. I told her that I loved her, but only God can heal her, and that I won't be her doormat. She never wrote me back.
When I think about her- I get upset. Honestly, she caused more damage in my life than good. Anytime an event is not about her- she causes issues and sabotoges. She didn't come to my wedding cause she says she doesn't breathe the same air as my dad. I really don't want her back in life, but I am just so mad and shocked the she disowned me just like that! I feel she really did something very bad to me, and if I were her - I couldn't live with myself.

What I need to do is move on and just realize I have a husband now, and we have our own lives, but my heart is hurting and I just wish I could know if she still cared. She is truly a negative person (before the divorce and after) we had some good times, but I guess since my mother died- I crave that love that I just feel I should have. It's not fair.

Thank you for listening Smile

God Bless you

Stick's picture

After reading what you wrote,... and thinking that you know too, that your stepmom will not be a good presence to get back into your life.. then I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get some counseling and some help.

There's nothing wrong with you... but there is something you need to work out. I only suggest counseling because it's a full hour every week that you can just talk about you and your feelings, no matter what. Sometimes, we don't get that with our friends, or even on here!

I'm very very sorry that your stepmom did not "step up" and be the mom you needed.

And I personally think that you are going through a grieving process. Grieving again about your mom and what a hard loss that truly is, and then this other person that was there for part of your life. It is another "death". It's okay to grieve and it's okay to hurt. I'm sorry.

It is NOT FAIR. But... YOU will be okay. If you truly honestly need some older female love or companionship to replace that role of your mother.... you might want to consider volunteering at a home for the elderly or get involved in some kind of "meals on wheels" or something like that.

I'm so sorry for your pain. And I hope you get some counseling. Moving forward is hard and rejection (even though it's probably better for you!!) is hard as well. I hope that you can get some peace... and when you find yourself missing your stepmom, you may want to remind yourself of her negativity and how it's better that she is not in your life. It doesn't help fill the void... but the void may be better than the emotional effects of her drama.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and your husband. And hopefully someday you'll have a family of your own.

But please know... that life isn't always fair... but I do believe things happen for a reason. There's a saying that fits I think for you with this..

"God always answers our prayers. It's just that sometimes, the answer is NO." Smile

God Bless you sweetie!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

grace2009's picture

Hi Stick!

Yes, deep down I know that she is just bad news for me. I try to focus on my new family, and the fact that God took me out of a terrible place and time. I try to meditate on Psalm 27 vs. 10
"When my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will hold me close." I know one day God will use my pain for someone else's gain, and I am just trying to sort it all out in the meantime. Only He can heal me. I know this, and I know this pain is just part of being human.

My question to you is: do you think that most stepparents are bad or are there some good ones? I know that also some stepkids are bad too, and every situation is different, but I always seem to hear mainly negatives when it comes to blended families, and it makes me upset.

I was just looking for your input Smile

Have a lovely day!

Stick's picture

I honestly don't think that most stepparents are bad. There are good ones and bad ones and average ones, just like there are for real parents.

I also don't think your stepmom's problem is a "step" problem. Rather, it's HER problem. The more I read about your stepmom, the more I think that is true. She is messed up, and that's true for her whether she is a parent, stepparent, or non-parent!! Does that make sense?

You can find negatives for just about anything, if you look hard enough. So don't feel that it is disproportionate (at least in my opinion) for step-families. A harder situation, yes... but worse than others... Not always.

I think step-families HAVE TO TRY HARDER in many ways. So maybe that's why you hear or see more of the negatives.

At this point, if I could... I would suggest not worrying about your stepmom. I understand that she is your only "mom" that you know... but if it's a bad relationship, it's a bad relationship. The fact that she is your "mom" should not make you try to stay. It's the "bond" and the "what should be" that might be holding you to this woman. She isn't "what should be"...

I'm sorry. I really wish you peace, and hope that you can come to terms with the fact that she probably won't ever be "what should be". Sad

Take care of yourself and your family. They are what's important for you right now!!

Best to you...

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

grace2009's picture

Hi there, and thanks for the reply.

My thing is- when I first met her I was very very young. My mother passed, and I was told many stories about things my dad did to my real mom. Horrible, ugly things. I was too young to seek the truth or form opinions, but I didn't want my stepmother at first, and she did try back then, BUT I was 5! When I was old enough to make choices and be an individual and not be scared of how anyone would react, I started to treat her nicely. When my dad was mean to her son- she was mean to me. The funny thing is- she use to hold over my head when I corrected people who called me their mom. I politely said she was my stepmother. At that time I was 8! She was livid when she heard me state that truth. She told me to my face she loved me as her own. I started calling her mom in my early 20s. She was the only mom I really knew- my mother passed when very young. Her reactions don't match up with what she proclaimed. I tried to keep it distant when I didn't know better. She pulled me in for more. Then she disowns me. That's what I didn't get.
She yelled at me and raged on me for me stating the facts, but in the end- she disowned me.

So, the truth is the truth. Blood is truly thicker than water.

I get what you are saying, and I appreciate the insight.

I think the only thing she needs to realize is- divorce just didn't hurt her- it hurt ALL of us.

Thank you so much Smile

have a good day!

grace2009's picture

Hi there, and thanks for the reply.

My thing is- when I first met her I was very very young. My mother passed, and I was told many stories about things my dad did to my real mom. Horrible, ugly things. I was too young to seek the truth or form opinions, but I didn't want my stepmother at first, and she did try back then, BUT I was 5! When I was old enough to make choices and be an individual and not be scared of how anyone would react, I started to treat her nicely. When my dad was mean to her son- she was mean to me. The funny thing is- she use to hold over my head when I corrected people who called me their mom. I politely said she was my stepmother. At that time I was 8! She was livid when she heard me state that truth. She told me to my face she loved me as her own. I started calling her mom in my early 20s. She was the only mom I really knew- my mother passed when very young. Her reactions don't match up with what she proclaimed. I tried to keep it distant when I didn't know better. She pulled me in for more. Then she disowns me. That's what I didn't get.
She yelled at me and raged on me for me stating the facts, but in the end- she disowned me.

So, the truth is the truth. Blood is truly thicker than water.

I get what you are saying, and I appreciate the insight.

I think the only thing she needs to realize is- divorce just didn't hurt her- it hurt ALL of us.

Thank you so much Smile

have a good day!

grace2009's picture

I guess a lot of this comes from my own self esteem. Why should I want someone in my life who is toxic? I really don't want her in my life anymore- I just maybe wish it had ended on a better note.
I think it's the rejection I am struggling with.

I called her a few days after my wedding a few years ago, and she rushed me off the phone. She was very rude and crude. This was about a year after the divorce too. So, I kept calling her and she wouldn't call me back. I felt something was funny. I honestly pursued her completely! I wrote her a letter of release. I could tell she was cutting me off from her patterns in the past. It was an open letter- saying I am always here, but I won't tolerate or rubbish like this. My husband said he felt it wasn't over yet. Then a few hours later- we ran into her in a store! It was confirmed. She basically ignored us, and she wouldn't look at us. She left and said to take care. That was over two years ago. There has been no contact, and from what I hear and can tell from others- she is still very angry at my dad, and she is still acting juvenile. We live in different countries, but her behavior is nuts!

So, for me to even talk to her- would be something I tried a few years ago, and I really am not up to calling or writing her. It's in her hands. I just pray maybe one day we can have the closure we need. She has hurt me too deeply to ever be in each other's lives again. I just pray for her and wish her the best. She is very immature and scary to even try to talk to or reason.

Smile

grace2009's picture

Yes, rejection is so hard. People kill themselves over it and often get involved in destructive behaviors because of it!

I really am sorry your stepchildren are "brats". How old are they?
What causes them to be brats?

I feel too maybe out of pure hatred for my dad- she cut me off. When I was getting married a few years ago- she kept asking who was paying for this all? She would ask with anger, and then when she found out my dad did help with SOME ( he honestly never helped me with anything til my wedding time)- she would say WHY WHY? He doesn't help your sister ( her daughter), but he helps you. The whole time I was rejoicing over meeting the man of my dreams, and I just kept having to hear her WHYS? and jealousy fits. She did pay for my wedding dress, but she was holding back the $ to spite me. I couldn't even get married in my country because she was to pay half of the reception, and when it got really sticky with her- I just got married where I live now. Many of my friends and family there were mad at me, but I told them that I have much more peace where I live now, and I can't afford 2 weddings. She was very spiteful. She would go into my dad's place of business that he owns and destroy items while he was there and others too!

Honestly though....I guess we all have our situations. This is the first time I have talked about it to anyone in this detail. I just pray a lot and hope she is well.

Do you feel you carry a burden about your stepdaughters or does it really not bother you anymore?

Smile

grace2009's picture

My situation is very unique. I was always the blacksheep and was treated the worst out of the kids most times and ignored by my dad. My very frugal wedding was the FIRST TIME he ever paid for anything. My husband and I helped too and so did some other family members who I asked nicely. He always paid for things for my sisters, and even at one point my then stepmom complained everyone else had it better than me. She really complained when it was convenient.

Like I said, when I was getting married- it was a very hard time- and that is why I CHOSE to get married in the country I reside in.
My dad had walked out months before, and it was then for the first time ever- he stopped paying for things for my sister or anyone! He went into this deep depression I think, and no one could find him. I chose to find him and start to TRY to have a somewhat functional relationship wtih him, but it's still not what I would like, but I have removed expectations that I will ever have that normalcy with my dad. I love him where he is at. I chose to forgive him and her too, and I asked them to please forgive me if I ever did anything.

I get what you are saying, and most people on this site, but of course I can't relate to all of it. Not everyone shares the same walks, but I am not some high maintenance person. My wedding was one of the most economical weddings of all, and we cut corners and made things as we could.We did without a lot, but my husband and I focused on the love and the fact that God brought us together.
That's what counts on your wedding day!

So, it's sad to hear that there are some stepchildren and stepmothers that are just out of order! All I wanted was to love her and have it back. I don't need all the frills. I gave a lot to her too. Emotionally, and monetarily. A lot of was taken from me that shouldn't have, but God is restoring that, and I have seen it.
I never regret any of it.

It's sad to say, but I think you said it before, but she is 40+ years older than me, and she acts younger than me.

I have chosen to move on, and really just step out in faith and thank God I can start to find my peace with this now. I feel some of the posts/responses to what I wrote have helped.

Thank you for the insight, and God Bless.

Grace

grace2009's picture

Thanks for the compliment. Without God- I can't do anything. He really is my all. I will pray for you okay Step. It's sad when there actually are decent stepparents out there, and they are treated badly too. Of course, I know it's both ways Smile

Maybe some kids/ adults are so use to rejection that they reject stepparents in advance because they feel ultimately- they will be rejected in the end.

When my dad remarried for the 8th time- I was a little scared, but then I remembered! God took me out, and I am married now. No one can ever have that much control in my life again. It was a miracle to me! Truly. When my dad asked me if I liked his new wife- I said that she seems okay. Meaning- I don't know her that well, and I can't make an opinion, but what I see- she seems okay. I have been to hell and back with stepmothers- so I really can't open up and be the little innocent child I was once. I tread lightly, but I always show respect and love to all. I try. I really do.

My dad married the new wife ( not sure what to say LOL) a few months after he met her. There is a HUGE age difference. I asked him one question, " Dad, are you in love with love or her.?" He stammered and rushed me off the phone. After 8 marriages, and much pain and baggage on us all- I think I could ask that question with respect. So, did I ever get the answer? I think he honestly is bargaining or maybe did in the beginning. He always relates his good relationships with women to how I am to him or how my late mom was to him. He says she was his only soulmate. It's sad in many ways, but all I can do is wish them well. It's their marriage.

The new stepmom is only 15 years older than me. I don't really call her stepmom cause she is young, but legally- that's what she is. They have decided not to have kids. My dad is almost 70- not the best idea, and he works A LOT. So, I do stay guarded with her, but I show love. I send cards and emails and I call monthly. I also send her family bday cards as they come up. I noticed one thing though...when we visit.......they are all nice, but she NEVER returns my calls or emails or anything. I find it odd. It's like when I am in sight- we are noticed, but out of sight- we are forgotten. She is not mean or anything, but she keeps it cool too.
I don't do these things to get anything in return, but I feel if I call you to say hi and call me back- why can't you.

I have NO expectations of me and her- we are too close in age for that, but it's just mutual respect. Do you feel I can ask her nicely WHY she NEVER emails me or calls me?

Personally, my dad never does either. He says he doesn't do phones. If it weren't for me calling or writing- I would never hear a peep.

What do you think on my question in the 2nd to last paragraph?

Thanks Step

grace2009's picture

Thanks for the compliment. Without God- I can't do anything. He really is my all. I will pray for you okay Step. It's sad when there actually are decent stepparents out there, and they are treated badly too. Of course, I know it's both ways Smile

Maybe some kids/ adults are so use to rejection that they reject stepparents in advance because they feel ultimately- they will be rejected in the end.

When my dad remarried for the 8th time- I was a little scared, but then I remembered! God took me out, and I am married now. No one can ever have that much control in my life again. It was a miracle to me! Truly. When my dad asked me if I liked his new wife- I said that she seems okay. Meaning- I don't know her that well, and I can't make an opinion, but what I see- she seems okay. I have been to hell and back with stepmothers- so I really can't open up and be the little innocent child I was once. I tread lightly, but I always show respect and love to all. I try. I really do.

My dad married the new wife ( not sure what to say LOL) a few months after he met her. There is a HUGE age difference. I asked him one question, " Dad, are you in love with love or her.?" He stammered and rushed me off the phone. After 8 marriages, and much pain and baggage on us all- I think I could ask that question with respect. So, did I ever get the answer? I think he honestly is bargaining or maybe did in the beginning. He always relates his good relationships with women to how I am to him or how my late mom was to him. He says she was his only soulmate. It's sad in many ways, but all I can do is wish them well. It's their marriage.

The new stepmom is only 15 years older than me. I don't really call her stepmom cause she is young, but legally- that's what she is. They have decided not to have kids. My dad is almost 70- not the best idea, and he works A LOT. So, I do stay guarded with her, but I show love. I send cards and emails and I call monthly. I also send her family bday cards as they come up. I noticed one thing though...when we visit.......they are all nice, but she NEVER returns my calls or emails or anything. I find it odd. It's like when I am in sight- we are noticed, but out of sight- we are forgotten. She is not mean or anything, but she keeps it cool too.
I don't do these things to get anything in return, but I feel if I call you to say hi and call me back- why can't you.

I have NO expectations of me and her- we are too close in age for that, but it's just mutual respect. Do you feel I can ask her nicely WHY she NEVER emails me or calls me?

Personally, my dad never does either. He says he doesn't do phones. If it weren't for me calling or writing- I would never hear a peep.

What do you think on my question in the 2nd to last paragraph?

Thanks Step

LONGTIME SM's picture

but when you add a stepfamily into the mix things get blown out of proportion!

I've been reading your entries out of curiosity perhaps becuse I thought it may give some insight into how my own SD 32 and SS 35 (from whom I and my DH are estranged by their choice) thought.

However, there is no real clue regarding why your SM was to pay for 1/2 of the wedding and the wedding gown? Did she agree to do this to be nice? Maybe I have the timeline wrong but wasn't this after she left your father?

In my SS and SD's case the estrangement seems to be centered around money and what they feel they are entitleed to. They mistakenly believe that if they emotionally blackmail us that we will give them what they want.

Their weddings were also made into powerplay events. SD asked her BD not to attend her wedding becuse her BM would not attend if he did. We actually hosted SS wedding at an out of town location, rented the event location, paid for and decorated the place, hosted the wedding party the night before and even purchased the wedding and grooms cakes since the bride could not afford to do so. However, this was not good enough. I drove 12 hours to get there with a 4 and 8 year old in tow - SS now 35's half sisters - my BDs - who SS did not ask to walk in the wedding. MIL tried to make a scene over this in the middle of the wedding and I told her to MYOB it as I did not want to ruin SS's wedding day over something that I felt was trivial! I had already explained to my young BDs that they would not be inlcuded in the bridal party and had bought them their own flowers to carry so that they too could feel special and would not cause a scene. I even arranged to have a catering company go into SS and his new bride's honeymoon condo and decorate it with flowers and candles and stock the refrigerator with food and champagne. However, despite all of this SS was angry at BD saying he did not do
enough!!!

While I don't know what exactly happened in your situation, the events above did not endear me to my step kids in the least!

grace2009's picture

Thanks for the reply.

Sorry, but I really have no idea what all your abbreviations mean. I am new to this site, and I came here to gather some insight. Smile

The divorce occured at the same time I was getting married. It was a hard time for us ALL.

I asked my then stepmom, if she would be willing to pay for the dress or help me. It was my way of asking her to be involved, and I truly wanted her there, but realizing her immaturity- it was best she wasn't. She did agree to pay, but it was never in a cheerful way. I would have appreciated an honest NO from her then to be some people pleaser trying to be nice but mean at the same time.

I grew up working at a very young age and getting most things in my life because of my own work ethic. I don't come from a spoiled background- nor did I ever manipulate.

Sorry, all those sad events happened to you as described in your post. They are very unappreciative. I showed more love towards my then stepmom then her own kids ever did.

No one is obligated to love anyone, pay for anything or do anything they don't want to. It's all choice, but like I said- she could have said no in the beginning rather drag me along in pain.

I do appreciate your insight. Have a good day Smile

cyberwoman's picture

Even before I became a SM I felt there was much more to the Cinderella story. My college roommate was a SD and would not miss a chance to bash her SM and talk crap about her. As much as I liked my roomie, I always thought that her story was one sided. She despised her SM so much that had she been Mother Theresa she would still hate her and would NEVER -or even attempt to - see things from her (SM) perspective. Later on it became a sport for her to play the victim. I am not saying that you are like my roommate, only pointing out that there are always two sides to a story. Do you ever wonder how your SM sees the situation?

Step-Mom 101's picture

grace2009,
I feel your pain but in the opposite direction. My husband and I married and his children were overseas with their Mom. 2yrs later while my husband was in Iraq his ex wife sent their boys (ages 7-9)to live with me. She had never met me in person and sent them on a one-way plane ticket from a state 20 hours away. (They have been here ever since 10 yrs later now)
My husband spent the first 4yr in Iraq so I basically had them alone. My family loves them like they were my bio-children and helped me a lot, especially my younger brother who was a single man. I love them like my own and do for them like my own. From primary school-High School-College. Through sports, PTA, Baseball Mom, sickness, surgery,Church,VBS,Vacations, etc;. My husband's family also lives in another state and I made sure to take the boys to see his family even when my husband was not home.I have always considered them my son's and the word "step" has never been in our vocabulary.
My middle son is off in college. We provided him a place to live, have him a truck, pay his insurance, cell phone, etc;. I also, carry him on my insurance at work.
Now he has found himself a girlfriend and recently, decided to move in with her and her family. Against mine and my husbands wishes.
Because i don't agree with this move he refuses to talk to me via telephone, text, and has blocked me on social media.
However; his biomother, thinks it's ok for him to live with this girl. So, now in his eyes, she is "Super Mom" and I'm the "Evil Step Mom"
The woman who loves him, cared for him when he had chickenpox,went to every band recital, every baseball game,made sure he had his homework and graduate High School with a 3.4 (was a 3.8 til senioritis got him) The woman who comforted him, feed him, loved him, unconditionally he wants nothing to do with because I don't agree with his lifestyle.
I shared all that to say....Grace2009 You must learn to love her still, cherrish the memories you have, but focus on the people that are in your life now. If you dont, it will drive you insane. And one day, like I know my son will, she will contact you. But if not that will be okay too.
God Speed to you sweet young lady.