I don't think it is anyone's place but a BP or adoptive parent to spank a child and I don't believe in slapping at all (except I do think I'd slap my BD if she ever called me a really bad name when she gets older). I wouldn't even want my mother to spank my kids.

I've never touched my skids and I've been around 13 years. It's just not my place, nor do I want that responsibility.

That's just advice, not judgement.

Rules are different for skids no matter how much we don't like it. Because of the microscope we are under by the BM, we have to be very careful.

You did the right thing by filing for failure to comply. The holidays are special and this time can not be regained. I hope she ends up having to give up some of her C-mas time. It's just not right and the kids are the ones who get hurt the most. What a witch!!

Just PLEASE keep this away from the kids on your part. She'll probably rant and rave to the skids, but it does no good for either of you to put them in the midde. When they are older and can maybe rationalize it, they'll remember that you guys never put pressure on them and put them in adult situations.

At least that's what I'm hoping. We've never put the kids in the middle and I'm hoping it pays off in the end even though SD treats us like crap now because of parental alienation.

It didn't take me long into this relationship to realize why there are deadbeat dads. I'll never judge a deadbeat dad again without knowing the story. Some people are just not strong enough to put up with all that a BM can dish out. It is hard on everyone. Giving up seems like the best answer at times, but it's not.

I hope that you and BD are strong enough to push through. When the going gets really rough, just take a break from it, but don't give up. Like with anything, you can take it better at times than others. During those hard times, just remember that a few days later or even a week or two later, you'll be rejuvenated and able to better handle the stresses. Just realize upfront NOW that it will never end and it probably won't get better. Accept that now and you'll save yourself some pain.

Do realize though that you'll get stronger as you go along. One thing I am proud of and that gives me strength is that I've never done any of those things you shouldn't do like put the kids in the middle or tell them the truth about their mom. They're not ready for it. Maybe when their much older with life experience their Dad may tell them, but for now we both have more strength to put up with it all because we're proud of how we've handled what she dished out. We don't stoop to her level. Who'd want to go there? There might not be a cure!!

The way I've handled it better in the last four years is that I have as little contact with the ex as possible. Once the kids were teens, there was little need for communication because we just spoke with them about their schedules. DH deals with her regarding anything else and I live in my happy world most of the time pretending she doesn't exist. I only have to see her now at ball games and special events like graduations. I don't get near her nor look her way. It may seem juvenile, but let me tell you, when I first started this she was doing the be nice to us in front of people, giving BD gifts etc and then treating us like crap otherwise and I was not going to participate in that anymore.

I flat out told her in writing that it was a ridiculous game and I was no longer going to be a participant. If she couldn't give BD common courtesies that he deserves, then we weren't going to continue to accept her empty jestures.

She soon realized the gig was up and that she had no control over any part of the situation. I don't answer calls so she never calls at our home now. It's a breath of fresh air. I took away some of her control. The only words I'll ever have for her are "go f yourself" if she ever speaks to me again. She's tried to ruin my family and I've never hated someone so much in my life.

There has never been a productive conversation in our entire history so now even if it involves a marriage or grandchild, they'll never be a conversation that is necessary between the two of us. I absolutely dispise her for the distruction she has caused to my family and my relationships with skids. I've been nothing but giving and selfless with them and the thanks I get is manipulation.

I finally realized about 4 years ago that despite my wishes for an amicable relationship, it isn't possible with a master manipulator. My best and only choice is to be done with her for good. It's been the best choice I've made in 13 years of this mess.

I suggest you and DH consider those sort of options to retain your sanity instead of giving up on the skids. With a manipulative witch for a mother, they obviously need you even if they don't know it.