Here we go again SS playing same game....
Ok, so SS14 left 3weeks ago because he didn't like our dicipline,house rules, etc...he basically told us he hates it at our house to many rules,,Bio moms has none!!! anyway this seems to be a repeating pattern for him,,he leaves My HD calls him after a while then boom he comes back, but it's only for something,,,eg. birthday coming up, this time it's Christmas,,, and boy he doesn't want to miss out on that(as if hubby would). But mark my words as soon as Christmas is over boom he will pull same shit.....I did tell my HD this but you could guess that didn't go over well......Anyhow any idea's how to stop this?? or how to make HD realize what his son is doing and how smart he is.......help anything????
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at this point i wouldn't do
at this point i wouldn't do anything...leave it as is and let your husband realize/discover it himself. i wouldn't stress about it unless he is bugging you big time.
-happy mom
if your dh doesn't see this then there is a problem..
my 13 year old ss pulls the same thing. You must have some agreement with dh about setting boundaries. We have the same exact problem, bm has no rules, 13 year old delegates her life, he makes adult based decisions for himself, hates our house, despises having to live with us. He tries to come and go as he pleases, but we make every attempt to stop that.
We do openly communicate with bm, and usually she does agree with us on how to handle things, but, and the big BUT, she is incredibly unreliable. She makes one empty promise after another, and usually that ends up undermining us. She will promise she is going to discipline him, and ss just laughs at it, b/c she NEVER follows through with anything.
My ss only wants to be at our house for his bday and Christmas. We don't really go out of our way to contribute to spoiling him, and we also don't go out and buy everything on his #1 list either. We of course still buy him gifts, but, we buy him things we feel he deserves based on his age, and how he has behaved. He usually feels disappointed with our gifts to him (he thinks we are made of money, and he should have everything under the sun, even though he does NOT want to have a relationship with us, and even though his attitude is completely disrespectful).
The first stop for your situation is a discussion with dh, to see how he sees his son, and see if you two can come up with an agreement on how to set and enforce certain boundaries so that you are not reinforcing this disrespectful attitude.
There was one point recently, bm took ss back from us right before school started, and enrolled him in her school. At that point, I was done, and I asked my dh to be done with raising ss. We have continuously given 100% to raise a child, and bm is just one constant disaster after another, I will not have my front door as a revolving door for bm to throw her children through. If she couldn't pull her act together, we were just going to throw the towel in, or my dh was going to have to live somewhere else to help raise ss- I just couldn't take it anymore. One month after school started, bm asked us if he move back in 50/50. Of course we took him back, and thankfully things have been good. But I'm already fearing next year and what disaster bm has to create.