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StepAside-Glitter just blew away

steppedonstep's picture

Well, if I had posted yesterday I could have posted on Step Aside's thread about positive happenings. DH and I went on a cruise for Valentine's Day, had a wonderful time and never discussed the situation with SD. Then I spent a few days with my mother so I don't know if DH had contact with SD while I was gone. Anyway, our life was getting back on an even keel.

Today DH called me and said he heard from SD. They have buyers for their house. Here we go again. DH is so sad, can't bear to see them move (ten minutes away), wants them to buy adjacent property so princess can have her horses, etc. etc. etc. She has now disrupted three separate vacation trips of his by calling. She couldn't wait until he gets home tomorrow?

Anyway, it seems the property survey, sure enough, revealed that they built their outdoor firepit/retaining wall partly on our property and they are trying to figure out what to do about that and the driveway easement, etc. I just listened to DH and then calmly repeated what I have told him numerous times before. He asked her if she would be willing to come talk to me and she said she would. I told him it has been six months and if she felt any remorse for how she treated me she would have apologized a long time ago. I will wait and see if he brings it up again. I suppose if I refuse to sit down with her I will be blamed.

She told him today that when I asked her to take the horse back to her farm it was like I attacked her child because the horses are like children to her. She then told DH she was sure I would react the same way if someone attacked my DD. Really? She compared her horse to my DD? The same DD that her husband DID proposition and try to grope??? Yes, I do react when my DD is attacked and it is nothing like a relationship with a damn horse. They should be glad my daughter didn't call the police. I feel confident if we do have a face to face that I can remain calm, but I think she will lose her temper again and this time dad will be there.

If you are new here, it has to do with SD bringing a horse to live in our yard and wanting to bring more horses despite zoning laws and her husband threatening to take part of our land by adverse possession. Oh, and my DH going out to dinner with BM to celebrate SD's 40th birthday.

It was nice between DH and I while it lasted. Now I will gear up for the real estate transaction and his broken heart. I have a few things up my sleeve...

oldone's picture

Good - I hope what ever you have up your sleeve has ammunition in it. }:) }:)

From someone who spent today at the shooting range. I'm getting pretty good.

steppedonstep's picture

Thanks Oldone. That made me laugh. I predict I will be the last one standing. They just might not realize it for a long time.

Newimprvmodel's picture

Well stepped on, our husbands sound alike. My dh is still waiting for his little darling daughter to apologize to his wife. What did he say to her? "You don't have to do it right away, think about it". Hello?? Do you realize how stupid that is? It is like saying that 1. Your father really doesn't think you his angel did anything wrong to the overly sensitive wife.
Well, if daughter ever decides to give me an apology I will tell dh I get time to mull it over! Like twenty years!

Orange County Ca's picture

Well I hope you can get that fence moved. Once the new owners take over the property up to your side of the fence will belong to them.

omgsaveme's picture

StepAside you should write a book. Your posts got me through my darkest days before when I was posting on here before. Very smart woman with a lot of wisdom.

steppedonstep's picture

Thanks again, StepAside and other SMs. Don't pull out the party hats just yet, but DH said the potential buyers want to move in April so SD will have to go to temporary quarters while they build a house. I will be glad, but do feel sorry for my DH. This was his dream retirement property and he was always so proud to tell visitors that SD chose to live here. Hope the new neighbors do not intrude on our privacy. We live on a fairly large property, but houses are close (not how I would have planned it, but SD built before we were married). I'll let you know when I see the tail lights of the moving truck.

steppedonstep's picture

DH arranged a family meeting in two days. He has been talking about how he and I need to meet with SD and her husband and "get the family back to normal." (I didn't tell him I like the new 'normal'.) I didn't refuse or agree to meet. As I stated here before, I told DH if SD was sorry she would have apologized six months ago and would not still be making excuses.

In the meantime, I have been scurrying trying to get the property boundaries taken care of. DH wants to put his head in the sand. I have tried to stay calm with him and remind him that there is a real estate transaction pending and people need answers. Found out there is more problem with the property boundaries than we thought. This means DH and I have something SD and husband want/need and vice versa. Trying to impress on DH that this all needs to get done legally with i's dotted and t's crossed as property is being sold out of the family. (Not that family could be trusted either, apparently.)

Anyway, DH tells me tonight that he arranged for us to meet them day after tomorrow and he doesn't think we should discuss the property issues. I told him the property issue needs to be taken care of now and I agree - I don't think we should mix the 'family reunion meeting' with the real estate matters. Also, he set this meeting without confirming with me. I never said I would, or wouldn't, meet with her. Now what? She's agreed to come and I refuse? I said in an earlier post that I felt confident that I would remain calm and suspected she would lose her temper. I don't know now. I dread this meeting. I'm still really angry after all these months and I'll have to keep it under wraps if I want the property issue resolved in our favor.

What would you do? Meet and get it over with? Agree to meet but at a later date? Refuse to meet? Any tips on what I should/shouldn't say at this meeting? I know some of you have struggled with this issue of DH wanting a kiss and make up meeting. The happy glow from our recent cruise is fading...

forgotten wife's picture

I would tell him that you will not even entertain the thought of a meeting until the property issues are settled correctly and the sale is closed.

Too much going on for the meeting to have a chance.

LONGTIME SM's picture

Hire a bulldozer to come plow down the fence. Oops! Once it's down there are no property boundary issues. If they were stupid enough to build it on your propertyouts yours to do whatever you want.

steppedonstep's picture

Aaarghh! I just wrote a really long post and it disappeared. Horrible day. DH cancelled family meeting because there is drama over SD's real estate transaction. Miscommunication and she thought I was meddling and unloaded on DH to the point she made him cry. Unbelievable. He is the strongest person I have ever known. Too late to rewrite everything, but I did tell DH that she needs some meds and/or counseling because she is just irrational. I know that made him feel worse, but as someone here posted 'she's not right in the head'.

steppedonstep's picture

DH finally gets it, sadly. SD and husband house closing coming up in a few weeks. DH (with much urging from me) and I required the property lines be redrawn before new buyers move in. I have been making all the arrangements and DH and I have been paying all fees because, frankly, it is worth it to have the drama end. DH was out of town when the survey was done so he asked me to take pictures of the markers when SD was away. I sent him the pictures showing their fireplace/patio area was way over on our property. SD called him that night and told him the survey showed that NONE of it was on our property so now would Steppedon sign the release letter? He couldn't understand how she could misinterpret the boundary lines (hint-she was lying!). Later she told DH the real estate agent said it was only two feet over the line. The surveyor had to move the line 32 feet!

They found a new house and are stressed about the sale of this one. So DH gets a text from SD while he is on a business trip yesterday. She tells him that they have decided DH cannot go to granddaughter's big event next week (out of state) because his presence will cause conflict and might interfere with her competition. SD feels WE have created this mess, as she calls it.

DH showed me the message (where he is disinvited from Gkid event) and I told him I was sorry and just didn't know what else to say. I just stayed quiet for a while and then he started talking. He admitted what we all have known - SD is selfish, doesn't care about him, thinks I am a B, etc. etc. He even told me he bought her an overseas plane ticket last year because she wanted to go with friends and couldn't afford it. $1600 !!! He talked for quite a while and I truly feel sorry for him. He realizes that SD is turning Gkid against him, too, and he had a good relationship with Gkid and did many activities as she was growing up.He also admitted that she did this to SM#1 after she got older. He was a good father, I can't imagine why she treats him this way. He also said she is jealous of my DD and I and worried about her inheritance. Geesh! Don't bite the hand that feeds you then.

forgotten wife's picture

She encroached onto your property 32 feet?! OMG! The sense of entitlement is amazing! Doesn't that now make the patio and fireplace area yours, or is it too obviously a part of her house design? Will it have to be demolished?

steppedonstep's picture

We are not giving them anything. We are granting them enough land around the 'pit' to bring it within their yard and they have to grant us an equal amount on the other side of their property which will give us access to the back part of our property. Their house has been for sale for almost five months and this is the first offer they've had that I know of, so we're just trying to expedite the deal. It meant DH and I had to spend my birthday at a meeting to get town approval of the land swap, but hopefully next year this will be just a memory.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm done with them, but I will have to see what happens with DH. Before SD sent him the text last week and disinvited him from Gskid event, he told her we might move. He said she seemed surprised and asked where we would go. We really came here because he managed a job transfer so he could live near her and Gskid. He proposed to me as he was getting ready to move. He no longer works at that job. If it wasn't for the fact that we encouraged my DD and her DH to move here and we actually like where we live, we could move.

Just gritting my teeth and taking it one day at a time. Oh, and StepAside, I'm not totally letting him off the hook, but I know how much he is hurting and don't see a need to rub his nose in it right now. I'll see how everything shakes out in a couple of weeks after they move. I'd like to think I'm a better person than SD is, but I will not waste my 'golden ticket'.

steppedonstep's picture

I didn't snoop. DH texted me by mistake. There was a lot of discussion on another thread about snooping on DHs cell phone. I didn't, but this morning I received a text that DH sent to SD and Gskid wishing them a safe trip and saying he loved them both. He clicked on the wrong text thread and copied me.

I was so disappointed and angry that he has caved in AGAIN after SD was so hurtful and disinvited him from Gskid big out of town event this weekend. All the other grandparents are going. I might have just acted like I hadn't seen it, but I am so angry about working on their real estate mess every day. It is so time consuming, but will be worth it when they are gone. I asked DH "Did you mean to send this to me?" He said no. I told him she is going to continue to treat him badly if he continues to accept it. Left it at that. Wanted to tell him there is a difference between taking the high road and groveling. Same old, same old story that has been written on here hundreds of times.