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My Woes

Pushed Out's picture

Submitted by Pushed Out on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 5:18am

I am 40 years old and have been married to my current husband for three years. I have two bio children ages 18 and 16. I have three SC ages 20, 19 and 18. We all live together and have had our ups and downs. SC have been sabotaging our relationship from the beginning and my husband lets his children rule his life even though they are no longer children. Recently he told me he wants a divorce because he feels it will be better for everyone. This came out of left field six months ago and has been up and down since and I can tell when talking to him that this is not really what he wants at all but he is being stubburn and recently from the oldest SC I learned that they planned thier part in this entire mess. He said it was because they went from no women in the house for 14 yrs to me and that they didn't like all the little changes, example wrong mayo and stupid stuff like that.My SC are so jealous, disrespectful to me and so on but I have done nothing but tried to show them love and compassion. Ex Wife is still in the picture and she pushes them on and my husband does not see it. Sometimes I wonder why am i putting myself through all this but I truely love this man and do not want to live without him. My husband is a very quite man and allows them and anyone else to walk all over him. But I had finally found happiness with another human being and now I think I am going to lose all of that because of the entire your kids, my kids crap that within the last year started taking place and all the other stuff. We own a home together and he is living upstairs and I was living downstairs. I recently moved out for awhile hoping that space and me not being around would wake my husband up. My son left first about 8 months ago , then my daughter went to live with her father recently because SD is more of a dad than her BF and she said she can not handle the situation. SC and BM have managed to turn the entire house upside down and rule our lives. I have no clue where to go from here. I wish I had found this site alot sooner.

Comments

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 5:33am

When our children our small, we have to make the marriage a priority, because without the marriage, there is no stable family in which to raise the children. Sometimes this is tough, because the demands of small children are many and it is sometimes hard to find time for our spouses. But these "kids" are all adults, for God's sake! (Except the 16 yo.) My advice would be to see if you can get your husband to go on a vacation alone with you for a week or so to reconnect. Once you guys see how nice it is to live ALONE without five other adults interfering in your marriage, maybe you will come home and give them all the boot! Never let anyone push you out of your home. Reclaim your marital home for yourself and your husband and let the rest of them know that they are there at YOUR convenience, not THEIR convenience!

[Before some of you come down on me for not supporting the "children," I say yes, do support the children... support them by helping them find jobs and housing elsewhere. Support them by helping them get and then live their own lives.]

~ Anne ~

Candice's picture

Submitted by Candice on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 2:09pm

I'm truly sorry to hear about how you feel pushed out of your own home. I support Anne's advice, reclaim your marriage. Happy parents make happy babies, and I will keep restating that forever. My marriage comes first, long before my children, and they depend on it being that way.

The advice that I want to share with you, is for you to go to a counselor and seek their advice on how to handle your situation. It seems that your situation has gone so haywire, that I don't feel comfortable in advising you. I think your situation is a little over my head.

Once you go to a counselor, then maybe dh can join you. Men really don't like counseling, but trust me, if he really does want to stay married to you, he will show up. My dh did, and he is the worst at dragging feet.

If you truly want your man, do something about, find a counselor to help you!!!

Bobbi's picture

Submitted by Bobbi on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 2:45pm

I feel so bad for you Pushed Out. If you love this man and you are not ready to give up on your marriage, than you have nothing to lose by speaking with a therapist who has experience working with blended families.