Will they ever be on their own?
Hi, I'm new to this site. Background info - when I married my husband his daughters were 3 and 5, and lived with their mother. We had them every other weekend plus once during the week. I don't have children of my own and have never tried to act as their mother. About four years ago my husband lost his job and once he couldn't pay child support the ex lost her house and the girls moved in with us -- one was a senior, the other a sophomore. The senior is now in her second year of college, always been a good student. The younger one is now a senior and I really don't know if she is going to graduate - has always gotten through each school year by the skin of her teeth, spends all of her time watching Anime (sp?), that is when she is not sleeping....she generally will come home from school, eat, go to sleep, get up, eat, go to bed. I don't know what the heck is going to happen to her when she is out of school - her father is still under the impression she will go to a community college but that means she will still be living with us. I'm sorry - I guess I just need to vent...he has had a good job now for quite some time, the bm is living in a house with her bf, I think the sd needs to live with her mother again! My husband knows how I feel, and while he really doesn't do much or pay attention to his daughter, he somehow thinks it is best she lives with us... I am so tired of it.... I'm in my early 50's and don't understand how someone in their teens can be so unmotivated and lazy! We get along just fine, I just can't relate to her, nor do I really want to? Thanks for listening.
i love this analogy.
i love this analogy.
I wish it was as easy as push
I wish it was as easy as push them out of the nest. My SS will soon be 19... in a week and my DH see absolutely not a damn thing wrong with him sitting around .... he works, but pays no rent or anything.
The point being, there is no way I can bring it up, I am just the SM. The cook, the cleaner, the banker the FT worker.
There is no way in hell I would be able to bring this up easily. I don't know how you can do it.
With my last step-daughter
With my last step-daughter who could not stand the sight of me I asked her at the beginning of the Senior school year where she planned on living when she graduated IF she didn't go to college. I had made it clear during her Junior year that full time college students (like her older sister) could stay until they graduated from college emphasizing "full time". I didn't mention it again after that but when she graduated she left after getting a roommate.
I've heard others telling of how they told step-kid what the plans were for the kids bedroom after they graduated. "I was thinking of making your room over into a guest/sewing/office/storage/etc room. What do you think?
You can go the full time college route. I.e. ask her "Do you plan to go to college full time or are you getting a job and moving out when you graduate"? Since you get along with her otherwise it can just be a comment in passing during a conversation at dinner or whatever.
Some kids won't leave unless pushed. My older step-daughter graduated from college and when she didn't have a job at the end of summer I confronted her directly. "Get a job at McDonalds if you have to but start contributing rent". She got a job and moved out within 2 months. Usually they figure if they're going to pay rent they might as well move out and get away from parental rules.
Tell Daddy that he's to collect rent but put it in a special account and the money can be given back when she gets married. It helps the pill to go down.