Why does it have to be so hard?
Just a little holiday venting. SD16 came over on Thanksgiving, even brought her boyfriend, and we had a really nice time. DH saw her once since then, when he went with her to her orthodontist app a couple weeks ago. SD had worn braces for 3 years, and they were ready to come off, however, the ortho told her he needed to use filler to fill in some spaces that would still exist. She was freaking out about this, she did not want the filler. 5 days before her appointment, she started calling and texting DH, saying the ortho was a quack (she used more colorful terms) and she wanted to go somewhere different. She was being pretty mean about it, like this was DH's fault. DH hadn't really been involved in the braces, other than paying for them. BM initiated them and then told DH after the fact, so he just left it to her. He did not know about the filler or even that she was getting her braces off, until she started harassing him about it. He wanted to help bc he loves her, so he tried to get in touch with the ortho to talk about what the plan was. They were never able to connect (which made SD madder,),so DH ended up going to the appt with her. Evidently she has been going to appointments by herself. The ortho explained the filler is due to the size of some of her teeth. Even though they are now where they should be, there was still space in a couple places because those teeth were not big enough to fill it. Ironically, after she started harassing DH, I looked up using filler after braces and found this as a reason, but nobody listens to me :) Anyway, after the ortho explained it she said she was fine with it, braces came off, filler added, and she was happy with her perfect smile. All was right with the world...
We are trying to figure out our Christmas plans. Supposedly this is supposed to be DH's Christmas Eve, as part of the currently non existent custody schedule. He tried to call and also texted SD a couple times last week to talk about it, with no response. I happened to run into her at a store yesterday, she actually got my attention to say hi, which surprised me. I said I hoped we would see her next week, and she said she was waiting to hear our plans. I didn't know DH had reached out to her, so I told her the couple things I did know regarding when we were seeing her grandma, and she said "oh, see, I didn't even know that, thanks". I came home and asked DH why he hadn't told her and he pulled out his phone and showed me his texts that hadn't been responded to. He was pretty annoyed. I told him to just text her what our plans were, invite her to stay over Christmas Eve, and have bfast and do our gifts Christmas morning. That way it's out there and she can't say he never told her. He did that....and her response a couple hours later was....."the dentist's office said they tried to call you twice to tell you my retainer is ready, but you didn't answer and now my teeth are growing apart" with a picture (they really are separating, wow), and some harrassment about that. He has no missed calls from the dentist's number and no messages. But besides that, she did not respond about Christmas plans.
Today he said she texted to ask what to get my son and myself. That started my warm fuzzy feeling again....awww, see she does care! So nice!. He told her a couple little things as ideas. A little bit later, she called him while we were in the car, his bluetooth was connected so she was on speaker. She asked if we had a dog bed for our dog. He said no, but we didn't need one bc our dog sleeps with us. She said, well, I am short on cash right now so I am going to get a dog bed as yours and Carrie's gift. He said no, really we don't need or want a dog bed, and she said, well too bad, that's what you are getting, bye!
So....she still hasn't bothered to comment on Christmas plans, and now apparently I am getting a dog bed for Christmas. I am really trying to warm up and I want things to get better, but it's really hard to want to have a relationship with someone who seems to have little thought or regard for your feelings. And just to clarify, it's not about "gifts". If she had shown up with a dog bed, I would have been ok with it, bc she knows we love our dog and probably thought it was a good idea. But now if that's what she brings, I can't pretend that, I know she just doesn't care and she was probably standing in front of cheap dog beds when she called. I don't expect anything in the first place and I would much rather that than receive something I said I didn't want. Assuming she even comes around for Christmas. Ugh. What makes it sting a little more for DH is that SS had told us he and SD were going shopping for BM and her boyfriend last weekend, and he also said SD bought him a copper frying pan for Christmas. So it would appear she is putting effort into everyone but DH (and me, but that's expected) which is crappy.
I can't figure out if she wants to be a part of us or not, it seems every time I start thinking maybee she does, something happens to make me think she just wants to keep us in our place. I don't know why this relationship is so difficult. I wish things were different but I am not sure how to get there.
Just needed to get this out, I do find it helps when I release this stuff, and with holiday stress, I need all the help I can get!