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When DH gets home…

Ghost22's picture

I just need to vent about something...

When DH gets home from work... SS14 lurks. He sits in his room solo all day, then pounces on DH like a 5 y/o girl (or a 35 year old woman) the moment he walks through door. It will literally be the only time I see SS all day- when he leaves his room waiting to pounce on DH at the end of the day.  

I told DH that SS just sits in his room all day long... not even sure what he does as the TV isn't on, the computer is downstairs, and I don't hear him taking to anyone on the phone. He just sits and waits for DH to get home. I'm talking a 9, even 10 hour day. Maybe he will leave to use the bathroom or get a snack- but then it's right back to his room. 

I offered to drive SS anywhere he wanted to go, meet up with friends (not that he really has any) ANYTHING and this kid just sits and waits for DH. It's absolutely maddening. 

SeeYouNever's picture

This is the opposite of when the stepmom hides in her room when the kids are around. It is a bit weird either way but would you rather he be attached to you? I'm sure if you left the house he would come out of his room more. He must be terrified of you! 

Ghost22's picture

We have a tiny house and he's definitely not terrified of me.. he's a recluse. I offer to drive him anywhere he wants to go, take him to meet up with peers, etc. He shuts me down and hunkers down in his room just waiting for DH. I'm not saying I want him attached to me- hell no- I'm saying it isn't healthy for anyone to spend all day isolating and actively choosing not to connect with peers (or anyone for that matter aside from his parents).

When it comes to his relationship with DH, another person said it beautifully, SS14 acts like a 5 y/o girl. It's just odd...

justmakingthebest's picture

Does he sleep? My SS (when he visits) stays up all night and sleeps all day. 

I do find it really weird and I don't have advice other than maybe next year make him volunteer as a camp counselor or something to get out of the house? 

Ghost22's picture

Thank you for your reply, yes he sleeps until about 11 but will then sit in his room until about 7PM. No tv, no friends, no interaction whatsoever... we signed him up for some camps that start in a few weeks so it will force him out a bit more.

Cover1W's picture

YSD15 does this too. She hates computers and cell phones and television. She reads, does math problems. But for 8 hours?!?!?! She'll sometimes leave her room for a 10 min trampoline session or to get a minimal amount of food, then she's back in her room.

I know teens get private but it's excessive. However I don't have to deal!

Ghost22's picture

I'm thrilled he's not attached to me- I just wish he were connected to others that way all of his stock wasn't in DH while he's with us.

Rags's picture

Time to stake out the boundaries.  When DH gets home, his time is yours. His time is not the teen's.  When DH gets home immediately grab DH and leave for a spouses dinner out of the house.  A 14yo can be home alone.

Give DH very limited Skid time either say 30mins every evening after DH gets home at a time you stipulate, or a couple of hours one day a week.

Mini wife SS needs to be put in his place and your DH needs clarity that his priority is you and your marriage. P>E>R>I>O>D>!

While minor children are the top marital responsibility they cannot be allowed to interfere in the marriage. Ever. Whether it is a marriage between their bioparents or a blended family marriage.


Ghost22's picture

Agreed, Rags... going to give this some more thought (logistically speaking) to develop a plan that doesn't necessarily involve DH, as he doesn't notice this as an issue the same way I do.



Sag_Mama's picture

I deal with a SD11 and it's the exact same thing. She doesn't do anything all day but watch anime and p0rn. I know this because she told me and I immediately told DH. He did nothing but say "I'd rather her watch it then do it" WTF! Anyways, while DH is at work for 12 hours she sits in her room on the laptop and doesn't eat or come out. As soon as DH gets home, she takes all of his time and he allows it. So I take our 2 daughters together and I find something fun for us to do. It's not gonna get better for us so I fill my children's lives with as much fun as possible and I have completely disengaged from SD

Ghost22's picture

I disengaged from SS, too. Our relationship isn't bad- it isn't great either- it just is... 

I think that's his issue he has with me- the sun doesn't rise and set on his ass- therefore I'm rendered useless