What would you do?
SS12 and SD 14
Both have refused to come over for a while. They say that they are afraid of me and my husband because we are "abusibe". They don't like rules and they don't like to have any sort of consequences for their behavior. Went to court, but nothing came of it. We have been very patient with them for 2 years, but their behavior is getting worse. They even act like they are afraid of their grandparents,my husband's (senior citizen) parents, but sometimes when they have gifts for them or they take them out they go with them. Anyway after court the other day my husband and I decided that we were just gonna stop fighting them and their mom and trying to get them to come spend time with their dad. No more entertaining their rudness, meaness, cussing, backtalk, lies and manipulation.
So this weekend we get a hand written letter in the mail (from mom). She needs my hisband tp sign their passport form because they are going on vacation. so now the kids who have refused to see my husband, and have been so mean to him(SD for a year SS for 4 months). have been calling and being sweet asking to please sign the paper. Mom even left $20 cash to take it to get notarized because they will not have time to do it and need it by monday!! wtf! it's just crazy to me. so my husband doesn't know if to sign it or not even though we decided to cut ties until they are ready to have a real relationship not just one that only benefits them.
what should we do?
personally I think that we should not be accommodating any of their bs. They are choosing to act they way they do and hurting their family. we decided to cut ties and communication and not getting what they want from my husband is just a natural consequence of their behavior.
Personally I would sign, and
Personally I would sign, and be done with it. I would then drop it back through their letterbox, WITH the $20, there is no way I would go and get it notarized or whatever. If they have time to go on holiday, they have time to go and get their passports sorted out.
I think the father's
I think the father's signature has to be notarized or else it's not valid. Otherwise what would stop her or any other parent from forging the signature.
O ok
He didnt read the form. Makes sense
Sign it... doesnt mean you
Sign it... doesnt mean you have to pay for OR in part a trip they are going on. But a few questions should be asked OF BM first.
To address what the kids are saying and doing:
Kids do not reject a parent unless Pathoparenting is present. That is their physical custodial parents doing.
NOT yours, NOT dads, NOT elderly Grandparents,,,, it is in your case BM's doing.
Lets look at it from this view; Foster Kids...even kids in foster care want to 'be' with mom and or dad. Doesnt matter they were removed from crack heads house OR what ever the case is...the kids still want to be with 'that' parent meth and all. So you see think logically not emotionally---THEIR version doesnt not make sense however it happens every day in family court and Pathogenic parenting parents get away with abusing their kids.
I have seen this example time and time again with kids in foster care. They dont care what mom or dad did, they just want to go back. Kids who were abused over and over and over AND over for a very long long time present differently. They most certainkly would ever dream of going back to abuser and would never want to take one red cent from their either.
Back to passport:
Let the kid get the passport...traveling is great. BUT I would want to know where they are going, how they are going to be supported and supervised while traveling and when is the return date. You should get photo copies of their airline tickets. Those are reasonable questions. IF you decide not to agree to the passport because you do NOT agree it is safe to allow a 12 and 14 year old to jet off to some remote place all in the name of a Mission trip, let BM take you to court. BM ha a duty to provide all info even IF she thinks she doesnt.
No info
My husband just knows that they are traveling abroad. No other information is given to him nor will it be given to him. They refuse to update him on anything because they say that it is none of his business. He will not be given any details or updates.
If that is the case I would
If that is the case I would NOT sign it. Let them take him back to court. Make sure he sends her an e-mail stating that he will sign it when the details and itenerary of the trip is provided to him- to include flight information.
Do you really want to go to
Do you really want to go to court over this?
You don't sign it and she can get a judge to override. When infront of the judge how well do you think it would go over for your partner to say "I wouldn't sign it because they refuse to see me. Figured I could punish them for it by refusing their vacation."
For that matter do you really think preventing them from going on a vacation with their mom will make them any more willing to come see him?
Right
Right, my husband has gone to court and he got another bad deal. We decided to cut ties for a while because this was a big stressor on his parents, him and our family. This means no communication unless it is an emergency and to the email that he made for her (a year ago) to use because she harrases him constantly. So now she comes to our house with 2 days notice that she needs this, with all sorts of rules and times and deadlines. I dont think it is right. The court wont go for the alienation thing and no matter what he does the kids dont want to see him right now. We are not trying to get him to come see him. We thing that her refusing to use the right communication, coming to our house without notice, and not reaching out before is a natural consequence. She knows the process, we dont do any of that to her and she constanly does it to us. Its creepy.
We went through the same
We went through the same thing with psycho BM. Emails only and for emergencies because she never left us alone....but when she needs something all rules are off......
Like a lot of unpleasant
Like a lot of unpleasant things.. this is probably one that should as quickly as possible be put behind you. Your DH can go to his bank (all of them should have notaries and will do this for free for account holders) and get the form signed and give it to his EX.
While it might be somewhat satisfying to think of the stress and worry that his refusal will cause, eventually, he would most likely be compelled to sign it anyway and that would probably result in more inconvenience to him than anything else.
I think
I think that he will decide to sign it once provided with the details about the kids stay and times of the trip. She has been harrasing him at work today calling the front office.