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What to do?!

MsMad's picture

Submitted by MsMad on Mon, 09/24/2018 - 4:12pm

Forums: 
Teenage Stepchildren

Hi,

 

i have been in this situation for 9 years.  Obviously, when my SD wS younger I didn’t have these issues.  

 

I livewith BD and SD15 now.  I work from home, so am here before and after school everyday - BD’s days off work are Thursday,Friday & Saturday therefore, I am alone with her a lot - and don’t like it!

 

she still takes things of mine.  When I ask if she has any of my missing items she denies it! Then 95% of time I fend them in her room, school bag, at her nan’s ...

 

she accuses me of borrowing her her dad without asking her..

 

i dont know how how to make my situation easier.

 

LOST

 

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 11/11/2018 - 4:29pm

Boundaries, consistent enforcement, escalating age appropriate consequences... ZERO TOLERANCE.  Bring the pain.  When she steals your stuff sit her down and show her what you found and where you found it.  Then take her door off her room.

Next time... take her cell phone, then shut off the internet, then start taking her favorite clothes (kids wearing humiliating clothes to school is a great tool), eventually you will find the magic mixture to force compliance with standards of reasonable behavior.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

MsMad's picture

Submitted by MsMad on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 4:18pm

Thank you for replying.  Would you still have the chat Even if I have gone looking for it amongst her stuff? 

I have shut the internet off but I can’t control her with her phone.  She sneaks it about and argues and gives me back chat refusing to hand it to me or hiding it.  Her dad (my partner) won’t appreciate me taking her clothes.

i don’t want it to cause friction in the house.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 5:36pm

Yes I would have the chat. Each and every time her chosen behavior deviates from your expected standards.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

As for the cell phone.... See below.  You can control whatever you what to control in  your home.  You may not be able to shut her phone off or physically confiscate it but you can sure make it non functional at home.  Implement now. When winter hits and she is  marching up the block to get a signal while freezing her ass off .... your message will be loud and clear.

https://www.thesignaljammer.com/

MsMad's picture

Submitted by MsMad on Tue, 10/02/2018 - 4:01am

Thank you. I’m in England and these devices are totally new to me, but I like the idea! Could you recommend what would be best for in my house and how these work?

thanks

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/03/2018 - 9:26am

I have no personal experience with them.  I have a friend who has one in the middle of his dinning table that is integrated into a pepper mill.  No cell phones or wireless devices work at the dining table.  That keeps his kids focused on interfacing with the family during meals.

I know that they have them that are supposed to block signals within the home. 

I would suggest an online researh effort paying particular attention to product reviews.

Let me know if it works for you and good luck.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 09/24/2018 - 7:22pm

She accused you of borrowing her dad without asking her?! 

Where is your husband in all of this? Is he disciplining his daughter? It shouldn't fall to you.

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Thu, 10/25/2018 - 5:32am

Ha! Ha! Ha!  That's hilarious.  Pretty much every underaged teen in the US thinks they have the right to chose and date whomever they want and without any kind of parenteral permission whatsoever.  But, dad, a man and an adult, is supposed to ask his child's permission or anyone dating dad is supposed to ask the child's permission to "borrow" dad?  Where does this come from?  And, what is worse, there are even many adult SKs who think the same.

MsMad's picture

Submitted by MsMad on Sun, 11/11/2018 - 4:15pm

He just laughs at her at makes sarcastic jokes about the whole thing.

 Am I being too petty and sensitive?!

MsMad's picture

Submitted by MsMad on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 4:23pm

My partner kind of laughed and sits quietly with the accusation of borrowing him.  I think it shows and underlying bitterness she needs sorting out though.  .

He does discipline sometimes, but I think she gets away with doing and saying what she wants when she wants and doesn’t get told no enough!

Java_Junkie's picture

Submitted by Java_Junkie on Thu, 10/25/2018 - 8:55am

I dunno... I'd be more the guy who sets a basket somewhere (weave a couple charging cables into the wicker sides), and everyone puts their devices in the basket, charge it if you want.

Dinner time? Put it in the basket.

Movie time? Put it in the basket.

Bed time? Put it in the basket.

Maybe more like, if you're home and it's NOT device time, it goes into the basket. Only exceptions are when the device is being used as the source of family income (i.e., my work phone) or when we're remaining open for emergency calls (i.e., DW and my phones because my folks have occasional medical emergencies and her ex sometimes needs to stop by on official kid business). As these kids get older and might need that leeway, the rule will be in place to cover that; until then, IN THE BASKET. Kids don't remove the device from the basket without ASKING first (and no backtalk or negotiation).

I'd say, too, till they get the self-discipline down, the repercussion is... taking it without asking or talking back (or any of that) will bring swift lock up of the device for 24 hours. NO EXCEPTIONS.

But I don't get to make the rules LOL...