We don't see my husbands SD who is 19 anymore
Well, where to start. I would like some advice in from an unbiased source who does not know me or my SD. I have asked friends for advice but they will always have my interests at heart, which may not be the best.
I met my husband 8 years ago and the SD at the same time. It was a chance meeting on a holiday.
I did not start to date him for at least 6 months as I had just come out of a relationship. When we did start a relationship I moved in a couple of months later. His daughter at the time was 11 and visited twice a week. This did not change. I fell pregnant soon into our relationship and the SD would soon no longer be an only child. Her Mother did not, and has not got any other children.
Both my SD's Dad and I spoke to her about 'the baby' and I emphasised that she was his first born and nothing would change that.
Everything seemed good until I discovered she was stealing my things, make up, hair brush, sunglasses. Things would go missing with no possible explanation and then I realised it was her. I located make up of mine in her school bag, however I did not remove this, nor did I say I had seen this.
My hairbrush is a large paddle brush and this was taken. I decided to call her Mother to explain that she had taken my brush. She passed this off as an accident! It was a large paddle brush and no way could this be a mistake.
As the years went by when she turned 13/14 she no longer wanted to come around. Mainly after she stole one of her Dad's old mobile phones. IT had a distinctive mark across it so when she turned up at our place asking her Dad for a charger for her 'new phone' I was furious to see she had stolen from her Dad! I told my husband that it was his and he asked her out right if it was his and she said 'no'. This continued. I picked her up from school and decided to have it out with her. I said I would like to give you an opportunity to confirm you have taken your Dad's phone as we have searched for it in the whole house and it cannot be found. After a long silent car journey she said she had taken it. I was glad that she confessed but said that she shouldnt steal, and especially disappointed as its from her own father. She said she just wanted a better phone. We had only just bought her a brand new one for xmas at the age of 14.
The relationship between SD and I is strange. When I see her, for example if she comes on a shopping trip, when it comes to dropping her off outside her Mum's I struggle to get her out of the car, but when she is not with us, it is difficult to get her to see us.
Just over a year ago she saw one of my husbands ex's. This is one that cheated on him and also tried to split me and my husband up. Might I just add, when I met my husband he had separated from this ex over a year ago, she had a boyfriend and he had had a few girlfriends in between.
We met up with his Daughter (aged 18) and she said she had seen her and the ex had friend requested her on facebook. My SD knows what she had done to her Dad and also that she tried to split us up. This ex was in my SD's life from roughly 5-10 so quite an impressionable age. Apparently it was the Daughters real Mother that told her to go and talk to her - might I add that the Mother HATED this ex girlfriend and she hated her. Subsequently they are now friends.
My SD had confirmed that her Mother always hates her Dad's girlfriends. She even came to a family party and started texting my husband saying 'why do you pick girls who look like me etc etc' She is fat and i am thin, we look nothing alike. The only similarity is blond hair. Anyway it is evident that she was jealous and so was the other ex which is why she started making up stuff to try to separate us but thankfully this never worked.
Anyway my SD's Dad told her not to get in touch with this ex but low and behold she did. She even started broadcasting how this ex had been there for her through thick and thin - they hadnt been in touch for years! Her Dad asked her to stop all contact with the ex but she declined and said no way.
My husband and I decided to get married and it was decided that we would not invite my SD. I saw her out and said that she needs to sort out things with her Dad. (Please note I am normally the one who initiates contact when there is a fall out but if I didnt speak to the SD so much perhaps there would be no falls out in the first place. I get irritated by her constantly lying. She lies for the sake of lying and its frustrating).
She did text and said sorry but we were due to get married the following week and my husband did not want her there as she had disrespected us both. I even called him the night before the wedding and said we could add an extra seat but he declined.
The wedding went on and we started seeing the SD again.
Then... she started to try and date a member of my family, one of whom she has never been interested in. IT was a week after a text argument we had had. Bit of a coincidence. Her Dad told her to end the relationship and she point blank refused.
After talking to my family the relationship came to an end, however my family suffered a self inflicted knife injury as a few days after the separation she was snogging a bloke in front of him. He asked to talk to her and she was but this other lad kept trying it on. The result the bloke punched my family member and SD just walked off and left them to it!
I was really angry with SD for trying to get involved with my family, especially as only a matter of months ago she had been seeing a boy for 2 weeks and said she was going to get pregnant. I explained she couldnt as she lived at home, she said thats ok as the babys father could come and see the baby at weekends and after work. She even confessed he does not want kids!! Thankfully they broke up but you can imagine how i felt when she started dating a family member. If they had kids together I would be related in 2 different ways, a step gran and via my family member! I felt sick to the stomach.
My SD is selfish and a liar. She is also, I believe, a cleptomanic.
The only thing is I do feel sorry for her as she was passed around all of her Mothers friends when she was a kid. She said she did not mind this. Her Mother is a selfish cow (not that I would tell SD this). Her Mother has also slated her Father despite him always paying large amount of maintenance and looking after and taking her on holidays! When her Mother found out I was pregnant she immediately arranged a christening and said I was allowed to come, even though SD wanted me to - she was 11 at the time,.
We now don't see my SD and my friends say it's for the best due to all the heartache she has caused in the past. All of the above is not an extensive list.
Should we forgive and forget and get in touch. My husband said I am not to contact her ( I am usually the one that does when there is a fall out) so I have to respect his wishes.
My SD ex boyfriend told me not to bother with her as she is really not interested in me or my husband.
What should I do? Should I try to convince my husband to want to see his daughter or just leave it and hope that our paths cross one day when she is older?