vent.

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

So DuH and I had friends over this past weekend. While I thought it was a nice visit. It turns out that while I was getting LOs to bed, our friends asked how everything was going. And DH proceeded to vent. About me! Not about his spoiled, entitled daugher with whom he has shouting matches daily. Not about his son who is lazy and does nothing to help. Not even about BM, who is DuH's usual verbal target. Heck, not even about his brother and sister-in-law who treat DuH like a punching bag and take jabs at me for not being "fun enough" every chance they get. Instead, it was about me. How I don't love his kids like my own and how we don't do enough all as one family.

The wife clued me in - she was pretty disgusted with him, and she did defend me. She knows us well, and knows how much I have done for DuH and both SS and SD. She knows how I try to include everyone. How I saw DuH through his depression and injuries after a car accident. How I am a good mom to our LOs. How I ensure that SD and SS are well taken care of and loved, even when they act out.  But most of all, he knows all the crap DuH pulls and his two-faced nature.

DuH has quite the nerve. As an example, we could spend all day together as a family of 6, but if I want to do something with LOs on Sunday morning, while the big kids are sleeping and on their phones, DuH gives me hell for it. If I show more affection to LOs (3 and 1) than I do SS and SD (14 and 18), he calls out my differences. We've been to therapy for this. Even the therapist has told him to chill out and that I am showing skids love and affection, but to not expect it to look the same as my infant/toddler bio child.

I know this is not going to last in the long run. I know that I have committed to staying until the LOs are a bit bigger. But boy does this rub salt in the wounds. What a schmuck.

 

 

notarelative's picture

If I show more affection to LOs (3 and 1) than I do SS and SD (14 and 18), he calls out my differences. 

I've never seen anyone, even in an intact family with only bios, treat a teenager and a toddler the same. Teens usually recoil in horror when treated (shown affection) like toddlers. 

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

I'm trying to remind myself that I have been a great stepmom. I have put up with a lot, forgiven a lot, empathized with both skids until I was blue in the face. This really isn't even a skid issue - this is a DuH issue.

I'm going to continue with the same amount of affection appropriate for their age groups. Teens will still get a hug at bedtime; LOs will still get cuddles, as much as they need. I'm also not going to rearrange my life according to DuH's unrealistic standards. If I want to take LOs to the park or a class on a Sunday morning, after having spent plenty of quality time with skids the day before, I'm going to enjoy my Sunday and not let Duh's neurotic controlling behavior spoil it.

And DuH, I'll be polite and kind but he can go *hug* himself from now on if he has an issue with my standards of affection.

I know I sound mad. I am. Glad to get this out here and not at home.

Siemprematahari's picture

I can't imagine how you can even look at your H the same again after he said all those things to friends. He has no appreciation for all that you do and have done for him and his kids.

A man like that does not deserve you.....

Alien's picture

OMG that’s horrible. That sounds nothing like a happy marriage and a loving husband. 

If I were you o would leave NOW whilenkids wont suffer as much as they would when they are 7 and 10 for example. 

my Ss was 3 when his mom and dad broke up and he doesn’t care at all right now and my sd was 8 and she cried herself to sleep because of it for a long time. 

Rags's picture

Staying in a toxic relationship for the kids is never a good idea.  Your LOs will see how he treats you and that will be part of their norm for the rest of their lives. 

For damned sure do not continue to serve yourself on the scraficial alture to this asshole and his toxic prior relationship breeding experiments and please, please, please do not expose your LOs to the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool any more than absolutely necessary.

Move on.

Take care of you and take care of your LOs.

And buy your friends a nice bottle of wine for the intel on your asshole DuH.

IMHO of course.