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Validated & Definite Win! :)

Let_therebepeace's picture

A week or so ago I wrote about my Ss14, the manipulator/victim & how BM brought him home early from visitation due to his behavior. So, on Tuesday of last week (no school Monday, due to President's Day) he managed to get himself suspended. He had to stay home on Wednesday & a parent was required to come in for conferences with administration and teachers, before they would allow him back in school. *Side note here - DH has buried his head for 2 years instead of dealing with this kids growing issues.

School principal and I have worked together regarding Ss, up until I disengaged last year. However, the principal still keeps me informed on serious issues (like getting suspended!). When I got the call, I immediately advised the asst. principal that DH needed to be contacted & he needed to be informed "he" was required to bring Ss in for the conference. I attended the conference because the principal advised me I would want to hear what ALL Ss's teachers had to say. BOY OH BOY was I glad I did!

Each of the five teachers at some point or another made a statement that DH had already heard from me, repeatedly over the past two months. "Mr. Dh, Ss is manipulative" "Mr. Dh, Ss is an instigator in my classroom, but then blames everyone else" "Mr. Dh, Ss likes to play the victim act and has learned it gets him sympathy and out of trouble" "Mr. Dh, Ss lied straight to my face, and I have no use for liars" "Mr. Dh, if Ss doesn't turn himself around he will not succeed in life". Every one of the teachers talked about the disruptions caused in class, the blaming of other students...but more importantly they all said how much they enjoyed Wednesday while Ss was suspended because their classrooms were calm, peaceful & students stayed focused and on task. I felt so validated because I have not had any interactions with this year's group of teachers, yet they said all the things I've been saying.

Don't get the wrong idea, these teachers/administration have tried everything - just like I have, to help Ss succeed in school...but he does not want an education & at this point he is effecting the education of other students. Dh has received calls/emails/notes on report cards - basically begging for his help.

To see the look of embarrassment on Dh's face & the fear in Ss's eyes when he was sent to alternative school (the decision made by the school to deal with Ss behavior) was worth me missing the half morning at work. Then, when we went home, Dh took action and removed everything of Ss's from his bedroom - except his bed, pillow & blanket. He also took everything pertaining to Ss's favorite hobby, away from our house. Ss thinks everything was sold - but in truth it's at a friends until Dh sees a difference in Ss. I have big plans for this coming weekend, which Ss was supposed to go with us, but has been informed he will not be going. Dh did something finally & also stood by my decision not to take Ss this weekend.

Definite Win!

Let_therebepeace's picture

You misread...No where did I say a teacher said he "Not amount to anything in life" & for a teacher to be honest and say they have "no use for liars" I think is fair, teenager/child or adult. Funny, DH has used those very words when referring to BM. I am not in the habit of jumping on the "you hurt my baby's feelings, don't tell him the truth about his behavior - because I am raising a future asshole here" band wagon. I think that's the problem with today's youth... too many Mommies & Daddies trying to shield the children from reality. The reality is Ss is an asshole already because of BM & DH and I applaud these teachers for being brutally honest with Dh. It caused him to open his eyes. A lot more parents should do that before the school system has to deal with these brats.

Let_therebepeace's picture

There was no fear of them losing their jobs. Nothing they said was inappropriate or untrue. Too many people think that because it's a teacher they don't have a right to tell a parent the truth about how their kid behaves in the classroom. I disagree, I think if the teacher(s) has to deal with it, so should the parent(s).

Remember, in my post I said the "Principal and I have worked together regarding Ss for a while..." well, that means she knows the type of parents we are and that DH needed to hear the hard truths about what his child was doing/problems he was causing for the teachers & other students. Again, nothing was inappropriate or untrue just embarrassing for Dh because he knew I had already been telling him these things - a lot over the past two months but for the better part of the past two going on three years - and he had done nothing about his child's behavior. Now he was hearing it from the school system. If they were honest & let this continue, eventually Dh would have to hear it from a juvenile judge or worse have to sit in a court room and listen to his child be sentences for crimes. I say that because I have watched this child progress from simi-laziness to outright disrespect for anyone in an authoritative position. That includes me, BM, grandparents, teachers & administration. It has to stop somewhere & it's the parents responsibility to do what they can to stop their children while they are young enough. If not, they will be visiting the county jails/state prisons to see their child and it will not be the honest spoken teachers fault, it will be the child's parent(s) that allow the behavior to continue.

Let_therebepeace's picture

Oh I definitely am not gloating at home...that's why I am on this forum: to vent & to share victories that I otherwise would explode trying to hold in. I did inform Dh that I had noticed a difference in Ss's attitude (on day two of having nothing but necessitates) & that his decision to do what he did was making a difference. Thank You for reminding me to encourage him though, because that was the only thing I've said to Dh about it, since all this happened. I want him to continue parenting Ss, because it can only help Ss. To see my Dh doing his job as a parent was so uplifting! I need to tell him that, but of course not in those exact words.

Acratopotes's picture

I would pop some bubbly and celebrate for weeks....

This is not w in yet, you have to make sure now DH keeps his word and not return SS stuff back to him after 3 days, nor take him with you this week-end.

I've been here before... SO would decide to parent and step up to the apple box.. but first sign of distress or tears from little princess and it stops, these children know how to manipulate their parents.

Rags's picture

A definite win for this battle.... now lock in the victory and have the "friend" donate all of the Skid favorite crap to Goodwill then smile as you file your taxes next year and take the write off for donating SS's happiness. }:)

After a couple of school behavioral and poor performance events in his pre and early teens SS never again touched a video game or fantasy card game in our home. If he was screwing around when he was supposed to be focusing and working he sure as hell was not going to be screwing around when he was supposed to be screwing around.

As soon as he launched he immediately went back to gaming but he keeps it under control enough tha the does well in his career and personal live... for the most part.