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Update - Graduation

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

So their "Daddee Daughter" trip, as well as the graduation, has come and gone. DuH sent non stop photos of SD sunning herself on the beach and the two of them posed in front of every tourist attractions. I deleted them all. When he called the one time while on said vacation, I faked being happy to hear from him and had my toddler talk to him. We were on the way to daycare/work for me, so I had to get off rather quickly (2-3 minutes). DH felt I did not demontrate the appropriate amount of enthusiasm, and proceeded to turn off his phone the rest of vacation so that I couldn't get a hold of him. Then asked me what time I would be picking up him and SD from the airport. I informed him we had plans that day and that he would need to take a cab.  SMH.

Graduation at the winery was strained. BIL and SIL were cold and distant. I said a friendly hello and found a seat at the other end of the table. No love lost there. DH did invite everyone back to our home after. I decided not to argue on that one - I was too tired and just told him to make sure everyone was out by 9pm. He did, no drama. My mother did end up coming to help with the LOs. MIL made a comment about how great a father DH is... and unfortunately, dear old Mom responded with "Sure, when he has an audience!". MIL gave daggers eyes to Mom, Mom turned about three shades of red. They talked later - and my Mom apologized, and expressed how disappointed she was to see how little DH does around home or interacts with the kids. MIL admitted that her husband (DH's Dad) was the same and so she isn't surprised.

But the real update has to do with SD. She finally showed her you-know-what and it became clear to DH how much he's been used for money and vacations. They had a blow out fight that lasted the span of two days, and was rude to me. She is back with her mother now. I have not seen DH cry like that in a long time. Of the many things he said - "you were right, she's a user, she lies, and she's nice only when she wants something". When he proceeded with "how did she get that way?" my head nearly exploded. He really doesn't see his role in all of this, and will most likely revert when she comes tearfully crawling back.... right before she asks for more money or whatever else she needs."

She leaves for a summer program in a week. Comes back for two weeks in August, and then leaves for college. To say that I'm relieved is an understatement. We are moving the kids rooms around when she leaves in the Fall. He new room will have the shared bathroom, and I'm really looking forward to painting, and making it look like an actual guest room. I will always welcome SD for a visit, but I already stated to DH (after he stopped crying) that next summer, her moving home for an entire summer is not an option - and if he attempts it, I will be moving out. He didn't argue, and said that was probably for the best.

ITB2012's picture

I feel your pain.

Just recently my DH made a few statements about parenting things he had done while the skids were growing up. And my head nearly exploded, too. He had created a completely new reality for himself, and it wasn't how the things happened at all. I must have looked like my head had exploded with one of his stories and he actually caught it before I could go poker-faced since he asked why I looked like that. So I told him what really happened. And it was hard for him to argue because, though it meant he looked bad/misremembering, the reality was the skid looked really good.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's not only that DH doesn't pay attention to me, but that he doesn't pay attention wholesale and therefore his "memories" are skewed so he would totally be surprised by things just like your DH.

Sandybeaches's picture

Your  moms comment is the best!! 

While you must feel bad to see your DH's tears HE bought and paid for them!!!  I didn't see your other posts so I don't know th whole story BUT it sounds like he was choosing her and her using,  wicked behavior over you!!  It also looks like it didn't come without consequences and unfortunately he had to learn the hard way that you don't choose your bratty child over your wife!!

Glad he saw the light and painful yes but without that pain he probably would be headed to spring break next year!!

shamds's picture

Left you his wife at home with young kids??

this wouldn’t bean option for me. I’m lucky enough hubby wouldn’t dare to do it. 

The one time he suggested a family holiday with 3 skids was during our 4th wedding anniversary. I told him to go to hell. To take his precious 3 kids with ex and enjoy their silence... he refused to take them on holiday and said it was absolute torture spending time with them as they’re so alienated 

advice.only2's picture

Wow good for your mom for telling it like it is. I wish she would't have apologized, but I get it.

Tell your DH to dry his crododile tears because that's all they are. When SD comes prancing back for money or a trip DH will be there for her with bells on, and he will get kicked in the teeth again once she's done needing his wallet.

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

Yes, she's pretty funny, fiesty and spot on. She always has my back and is there for my LOs who adore her.

I think she apologized because she was concerned about me getting some backlash, which I appreciate. And I am glad that MIL didn't try to defend her son when they talked. There is some small comfort in that.

SD has been a nightmare for the past few days. She came back to our house; DH let her back in but asked that she help with some yardwork. She pitched a royal fit, told him off, and left with her friend. But DH is still throwing a joint party next weekend for her, and I'm sure she will be all sweet to Daddeeee with her guests there. I am not attending. It will be about 200 people, most of them teens. Enjoy, DH!