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Unmotivated, Lazy, and almost Failing

bitsnpieces15's picture

Ok, my SS 17 failed his freshman year, lied to Dad about online school and doesn't have any intention on getting a job. Bio-mom doesn't seem to care. It is driving me nuts. I want go for custody on him or put him in military type school to teach him some respect and the value of hard work. Dad doesn't want to intervene because of added stress on us. I really can't get past the idea that no one wants to hold this kid accountable. I have worked very hard over the years to help provide things for both him and his mother, and it doesn't appear that he is going to at least get a high school diploma!!!

If he would get a job and earn money then I would see some potential. His question to me was "why?" I want to hang out and be a kid! He stated he enjoyed sleeping until afternoon and hanging with friends... Based on his grades I think that is all he is doing. What the heck?!? You expect to be treated like an adult, but forego any responsibility even school work!!! We just got access to his transcripts and current grades... Better but no where near what this kid is capable and much is repeated coursework in online format!

Do I keep pressing husband about trying to get this kid straightened out? Or should I let the parents (or lack of parents) make this decision?

He, my husband, does not do this with our children. He is very engaged!

twoviewpoints's picture

You can't care more than the parents do.

" Dad doesn't want to intervene because of added stress on us."

This right here says it all. Dad doesn't want to involve himself. With parents with attitudes like his, it's not a total stretch to think the kid is doomed.

bitsnpieces15's picture

I know I shouldn't. I also see the burden he is going to become. *sigh* it is like watching a slow moving trainwreck

pinklady's picture

Same thing happening with my 3 SS's ages 14-18. I wouldn't press the issue since neither parent would be backing you up. If you do and the kid doesn't improve, you'll be the only one upset that nothing changed. It's hard to sit back and let things happen, but in the end not much we can do.

Rags's picture

Unfortunately you can't push Mil school or a job for SS unless your DH agrees and unless BM will agree then DH will have to have physical custody.

My dad, my younger brother, and Me are all Military School graduates. It works well for many families. It sure did for mine.

My bride and I went with Military boarding school for my SS for his Jr. and Sr. years of HS. We could go that route without SpermIdiot agreement because my wife had sole legal and physical custody. The first year was an amazing success... He went from a sophomore year that he barely passed to a Jr. year where he lost 40Lbs, was an honor student, an honor level Cadet, and a multiple sport letterman. His second Military School year was going great until the SpermIdiot hacked the school fire wall and he and the Skid ended up Wowing all night nearly every night and SS ended up being comatose in class every day. He ended up failing most of his classes the first semester of his Sr. year and rather than risk paying for another two semesters we brought him home at Christmas and forced him to finish HS at our local HS where he knew no one. We moved a couple of weeks after dropping him off at boarding school so bringing him home was far more difficult on him than if we had been in his former school district.

The experience scared the shit out of him so much that he finished his Sr. year on time and with honors. He was lonely, he was scared shitless of his mom, and he was scared shitless that we would drop him off at the homeless camp under the elevated interstate in Philly if he did not graduate on time. We did not alleviate those fears and in fact amplified them to make the point that he had no choice but to step up or step out.

He has done great since that Sr. year crisis. He is doing very well in his 6 year and continuing USAF career.

Acratopotes's picture

SS is 17 - neither his parents care.... why should you..

just make it crystal clear that SS will not move in with you, ever.... and you will not support him financially.

then disengage,