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Trying to bring 3 Teenagers together

just me 2010's picture

I will try to keep this as short as I can.

My 18 year old daughter who just started her senior year in HS and her best friend who is 17 and a senior decided to fix her dad and I up with each other. Prior to this happening my daughters friend and I were very close and she would come to me and talk and told me how much she cared for me. Her dad and I both told them no and we asked them if they realized what they were doing.

Well long and short after literally being tricked into meeting one another, we hit it off. After 12 years of being a single mom, I found the guy who was everything I could imagine in his thoughtfullness, caring, gentleness, humor...everything. So as the relationship is progressing. I thought the boys which I have 2 and he has 1 would be the ones to have issues. Well its not, its the girls.

His daughter is hateful about everything. Last week they were outside working in the yard, and I was inside and was doing some dishes in the sink and she absolutely freaked out and started crying hysterically and yelling that I was not her mom and that was not my place. Then we tried to work our way through everything, and thought we were on the other side of it. When she starts posting all these things on her facebook negative and just being rude. About my kids, about me asking her if she minded to take my car and go pick up my daughter "her best friend" from work as she had been in an accident the day before and couldn't drive. Instead of telling me she didn't want to she took to facebook and just vented about being used.

I can't figure this girl out. Her Mom left about a year and half ago. She walked out and pushed her daughter away. She has tried to repair things and even lived with her mom for awhile before moving back in with her dad. When we come over to the house she gets defensive of everything. Even when we went shopping one day she freaked out because I picked up the wrong sour cream and said "thats not the way we do it at our house".

She doesn't understand that my children have rules they follow, we have issues but our issues are not broadcast to the world. Example I am not liking a situation in my daughters life, so I called her and said tomorrow night, no one else just you and I one on one. That is how I deal with my children. Being single for 12 years you learn that dealing with teenagers you do it in the calmest easiest ways possible.

Unfortunately this girl is not allowing that. I don't know what to do.... I don't want to loose my relationship but its becoming strained. After being against love for so long, to finally find it, yet it seems it won't work.

I told him last night, I can't see us getting married and moving in his house, because I wouldn't be a guest there and it supposed to be my home. I wouldn't allow my kids to feel like guest in a home either or be treated like outsiders.

What to do??