Exactly! Only reason she even landed at our house was because she was kicked out of BM's for her repeated crap! Lying, alcohol, pot, skipping school, sneaking out, etc. Of course, one who may new to this saga should realize that we did not kick her out! Yes, I wanted her out of my house never to return, but she was not kicked out! DH only recently started stepping up to the plate...and he wasn't even full there yet. Over the last two years, this girl has been a disruption in my home, and a strain on my marriage! Lying, manipulation, total lack of respect for me and my home, issues with alcohol and pot during visits with BM, sneaking out, stealing...while DH would only give one talk after another. However, when DH starts coming down on her, and she has to face actual punishment...SD is the one who ran to BM with lies about everyone in DH's family to the point BM is calling DH cussing and saying she is taking HHB back and there is nothing DH can do about it! In the time since, HHB has been a total b***h to DH unless she needs something...all the while doing whatever she wants without consequence, even when she drives a friend's car without a license and crashes into a parked car!

So as anyone can see, having this train wreck out of my house is not only for my sanity, but to protect me and mine legally and financially! I firmly believe this is only the beginning...two run ins with cops within a month? Running around like she is 18-19 instead of being 2 months from 16? I'm thinking it is only a matter of time before the girl ends up preggers or in jail...neither of which I will be a party to!

I agree...someone has to stand up and be a parent; however, that has to happen early on. I don't think any step parent should be forced to deal with the bull so many of us here have dealt with or are dealing with, and be told we have no say in the matter! I seriously got tired of DH telling me I needed to try to bond with his daughter...and yes, it is HIS daughter! As steps, we truly have the right to accept these kids or not! If the kid treats me with respect, and if DH backs me and discusses matters with me that go on in my own house, then yes, I will claim the child. But when you allow your child treats me like crap, and you just stand there and make excuses for her later...when you refuse to discipline her and tell me that my suggestions are too harsh or get on to me when I tell her to pick up her crap, etc...don't come to me later and try to tell me I need to try to be the girl's new best bud! I'm a parent...not a friend! If you want me to do fun things with the child, you also have to let me have say and back me when said child acts inappropriately!

And I think some people don't get that! They see things the same way the Disney parents do...these "poor" children are victims of divorce and need to be felt sorry for. But like I started out with, if someone doesn't step up and be a parent early on, otherwise you get left with a teen who thinks they run the world, and NO ONE is going to tell them different! I don't know your situation right now, but that is where we are! BM never parented, and DH waited too long to start parenting. Now, they are left with a 15-year-old who is running the show! Sad thing is, at this point, you kinda have to let them fall in their face and learn they aren't in control.

Along with a step, I have two bios...daughter 23 and son 20. I can tell you that my bios went through a hell more than SD! I was an abused spouse while married to my ex...my kids had to witness that crap! They later had to deal with daddy completely turning his back on them. I never used any of that crap to excuse their behavior! If they were out of line, I called them on it! There were spankings, removal of privs, etc. SD always had both parents active on her life...at her beck and call! The girl has never recieved a swat, and went her whole life with no real consequences! There are always excuses made...she doesn't think well of herself, etc. Difference? I'm still very close to my bios...as adults they thank me for actually parenting by them, as they both know they went through periods of being brats. BD23 works two jobs and pays her bills living completely on her own. BS20 is in college. They both tell me about folks they went to high school with always complaining about life being too hard...an entitlement attitude really bothers my bios! SD I never see living like them...she is very entitled!!! Before the car accident? She thought dear daddy had to pay for her to get her license and buy her a car just because she was turning 16! While living with us, non-essentials such as make-up, electronics, etc. were expected...but if you asked her to do a single chore or clean after herself...how dare you! I seriously lost count of the number of devices she has been through the last 3 years...phones, tablets, laptops, iPods...broken and replacement expected! Sad the number of kids who are the same way out there!

"Reason I first told hubby if she moves out again she's not coming back is to teach this kid that you can not run away from your problems, and there's always consequences for deeds, either good or bad, she needs to understand this to make sure she's a productive adult."

Exactly THIS ^^^^^^

When DH told me that HHB was moving out...that everyone here was too hard on her and made her feel two inches tall (BM's words to DH)...I told him basically the same thing. HHB needs to learn to quit running from her trouble...when she gets into trouble, she needs to be made to live with the consequences...take your lumps and move on! I told him no more revolving door! When DH told me about the car wreck, the first words out of my mouth were, "She's not coming back here!" Luckily, DH agreed! I think he is finally seeing the train wreck this kid is, and realized we dodged a major bullet! I'm also pretty sure he is enjoying not having all that extra work of cleaning up after HHB because she refuses to, playing Mr. Taxi Driver, and actually being able to have an adult life without HHB dictating his life for him! He also enjoys sleeping without second guessing every noise he hears at night. Oh, and let's not forget the old saying, "Happy wife, happy life!" LOL...me being in a good mood always makes his life easier.