You are here

trail of pain

workinthruthetoughstuff's picture

My SD just turned 16. After living with us for 6 years w/o seeing BM, she chose to move. She had a rough year prior to this (entered high school, lost & changed many friends, first love who cheated on her, slipping grades, moodiness, lying, unhappiness with our rules and expectations). After moving she started telling (everyone but us) how she has an eating disorder, was sneaking around, doing drugs, drinking, having sex, etc. Now she and BM have labeled her with so many disorders I can't even begin list them all. With all the attention she is now getting from BM her stories have taken on a life of their own. Plus she is getting rewarded with everything she could possibly ever want - BM is trying to make up for years of absence.
Through it all I am sad and I miss her. I miss the girl she was before she became a teenager. It is so hard to try to parent someone else's child, and when they turn on you it cuts really deep. I keep hoping that this new chapter of her life will be a fresh start and get her to a happier place, but it would have been great if she could have done it without leaving such a trail of pain (and blame) on her way out.

seaglass1's picture

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I too mothered my step-daughter from age 4 to 17. BM was either not available or when available was a friend, not a mother.A good friend of mine is a neuro-psychologist.She often reminded me that genes have more influence, than I recognized. Also, children just want to be recognized by their bio mother, even if that means they throw us, who loved them and nurtured them, under the bus. Being a stepmother is a thankless job. As recent posters reminded me, we have to know we have done everything we could and we did the right thing.What a gift to offer a child our love and time.How sad that what we get in return is incredible pain. You did the right thing by your SD.Unfortunately,it will more than likely get worse as time goes on, given her age and the circumstances.Hope for the the best, but expect the worse. Please always hold in your heart this is not a reflection on you.Try to disengage, and focus on other things in your life. Allow time to grieve. It is a death, as I'm sure you had planned on an ongoing relationship with your SD.Best wishes and prayers sent your way.