Teenager making the Visitation rules
Need some input, SD 16 is dictating to Bio dad (bd)that she is not coming during court ordered visit because she was caught breaking a house rule she doesnt want to face the him or any possible punishment (only thing she has ever received is a "talk") BM (bio mom)not enforcing and doesnt want to get involved. she does not coparent or have rules so SD is hiding out for lack of a better way to explain. BD is devestated doesnt want to give up and longs for her love. Its no secret she doesnt like to visit and makes everyones life as misreable as hers when she is here. How can i help my DH deal with his heartbreak and move beyond and get some normalcy back into our house where we also have 2 young children under 6. every week there is a similar upheavel there is daily drama, texts, swearing, disrespect not only us but our other 2 children as well.
If your DH has a CO'd
If your DH has a CO'd visitation schedule then the only thing preventing SD visiting is his lack of balls. When she refuses to visit he needs to file a contempt motion against BM for failure to surrender the child for the CO'd visitation. See how quick BM drags the Skid to Dad's house for visitation with a contempt order hanging over her head.
My DH goes through the same
My DH goes through the same thing. Our OSS and MSS are very rude manipulative brats. They feel they can be as nasty and disrespectful as they want and nothing will ever happen to them from DH. Of course they only act like that via text or phone call. If DH tries to get onto them or punish them, they just ghost him out. They refuse to see or talk to him. For a long time DH was crushed and broken hearted. He would practically beg on his hands and knees for them to please like him, come see him, forgive him. Then he started to open his eyes and see they were playing him. The only time he hears from them now is when they want something. He sees it now and it no longer gets to him. It took YEARS. He now says he prefers when they don't come over because they make him uncomfortable in his own home (kind of like they did me for the past 5 years). DH no longer gets sad or hurt when they don't come by. Sadly, there isn't much your DH can do to forcefully make the kid come.
He just needs to get thicker skin and understand he raised a selfish brat who the BM will have to deal with since she won't come over anymore.
Do the dad's ever come to the
Do the dad's ever come to the point to where they see what their kids are doing? My BF teens are passive aggressive toward him. THey make excuses to not come out. They live 3 hours away and BM has to drive them out here. I know he gets upset when they don't call him like they are supposed to. All I can do is just hold his hand but I hate how they manipulate him. And he told me I would just have to accept how they treat him. (Ain't gonna happen.) When they do come out the daughter does try to spend time with dad but the son locks himself in his room. We agreed that I should not come around when the kids are out because his son hates me so much (I put up boundaries with him before he knew I was dating his dad) and his daughter used to like me but now is a loof to me. My BF's mom (their grandma) doesn't even care if they come out. She doesn't want anything to do with them. And he doesn't seem to care that they treat the two women in his life like dirt. As long as they are not yelling or physically doing anything. But ignoring and talking bad about us is still disrespectful and unacceptable to me. Their BM thinks everything they do is wonderful (So does dad).
but it hurts to see how they hurt him so much and are passive-aggressive in their actions. Do you really think my BF will finally see through it all? He only sees them every other weekend if they don't back out.
Your post gives me some hope that things will get better and that he just needs to work it out himself.
The only way you can help DH
The only way you can help DH is by making sure you and the other kids keeps him busy over week-ends with relaxing stuff... yes there will be times he will be distant, but simply ignore it and just go on normally...
DH will have to realize all on his own that his first daughter is a cow....