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Stepdaughter No Longer Wants To See Her Bio Mom

Aphrodite3010's picture

This is gonna be a long one but here goes nothing. For the past two years we have had concerns about my stepdaughter's stepfather being inappropriate with her. There have been numerous red flags but the main one was him going behind our and the mother's back to pick up and drop off our daughter from school. We became extremely concerned about the activities and the constant text messages, sneaking around, lying and general 'hair raising on the back of your neck' feeling. We came to my stepdaughters mother but she ignored us and accused of us making up this stuff to hurt her, at this point all communication ceased. She went as far to instruct our daughter to lie to us and not discuss what happens at that household. Fast forward 2 years later my stepdaughter reported to CPS that she had been molested for over a year by her stepfather and raped for the previous 3-4 months. This has been a horrible roller coaster of interviews, physical examinations, court appearances, counseling and emotions. It hasn't even been a month since this all happened. Her father and I have done just about everything we could have at this point, she is seeing a counselor 2 times a week, has been tested for every STD and a pregnancy test too, have placed a restraining order on the stepfather and cooperated with investigators, CPS, counselors and lawyers constantly.

The most frustrating thing has been the bio mothers involvement in this process. My daughter stated the mother was in the home the whole time things happened, she drug her feet speaking to investigators for almost a month (which held up the investigation going to the DA's office) and has no respect for my daughter's feelings. At one point she had the nerve to tell her father and I if we were so concerned then we should have done something about it - she refuses to believe it has happened and anytime is confronted with it constantly refers to them as just allegations.

Today our daughter told us that her mother is still with the guy, even joking about how funny he is in front of her. He is not in the household when she isn't there but does not hide the fact she's with him. She is wearing her wedding ring and when my daughter asked about it was told she couldn't talk to her and it wasn't any of her business. My daughter made the decision to not return to her mothers house today because of everything, her mother didn't even bother to ask her why. I was so very proud of her because she was able to assert herself and tell her exactly why she didn't want to be with her, when she was questioned about the next time they'd see each other she simply replied she didn't know. I know this has been hard for her, she's only 15 and I can't imagine how she feels on the inside.

My main question is my husband and I are relocating our family to Nevada ASAP, he has a job offer down there and we obviously will be taking our daughter with us. We currently live in Montana, in order to move with her we have to notify the bio mom and agree to a modified parenting plan, which I'm sure will be a complete battle. Does anyone know how much leverage my daughters desires play in all of this? We'd like to modify the parenting plan to supervised visitation until the bio mom completes and/or is deemed capable enough to sufficiently parent. After that we would move to unsupervised visitation at the desires of our daughter. We've let her make the majority of the decisions when it comes to the visitation of her mother although we have openly shared our concerns, thoughts and feelings about the situation.

Advice? Help? Anything....?