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Aphrodite3010's picture

My 13 yo stepdaughter and her stepfather have an unnatural relationship. I'm not entirely sure of the extent but what I do know is the neighbor viewed her 'shaking her ass' at him, that there has been unauthorized alone time with the two of them and they're sneaking around. He will pick her up from school without our consent and bring her home and that there has been phone conversations that she has tried to hide. She lies right in front of him and he says nothing, the counselor my SD sees has said that there is something unhealthy with the relationship but my SD will not talk about him to her. SD claims they just chit chat, and that there is nothing to hide but I do not believe her at all as she lies all the time. I'm not entirely sure what else to do but document the supposed incident.

I am completely disgusted at the whole situation, and can only believe he doesnt stop her but encourages her inappropriate behavior bc he himself is being inappropriate. She has never seen him as a parental figure and he doesnt see her as his child which clearly shows that they have no normal parental boundaries.

What should I/we do? I'm at a loss....

Aphrodite3010's picture

He's disgusted, livid....shocked, not quite sure. He doesnt want the two of them to be around eachother but we can't keep her from going to her mothers house without BM involving the police.

Aphrodite3010's picture

DH tried to talk to BM about it and she didnt say anything. She literally just said 'ok', she says she was molested as a child so honestly I dont think she even knows what a relationship between an older man and a child should be like. The BM is a vile woman and there have been incidents that SD has been groomed by her (purchasing black lacy bras at 8, allowed to show bra off in shirts at BM's home, SD has requested lingerie to wear as pj's at BM's home) and with the exception of the last one, all have been permissable by BM. We try to converse as little as possible with BM because she offers no constructive criticism or help on any topic, ever.

LRP75's picture

Take SD to have a gynecological exam to see if she's been sexually active. If so, bets are on the SF and her having sex. (gag).

At that point, your DH might have grounds to keep her from her BMs house.

Poodle's picture

This happened to my SD now an adult. BM virtually groomed her for a relationship with MH's boyfriend. We did not know about it till it was too late. It ended up with an indecent assault which SD had not seen coming, which was then utilised by BM to get money off the boyfriend (they went to the police then BM persuaded SD to withdraw charges). Anyway what I learned from the situation is, it's your DH's child, if he has a suspicion then it's for him to protect her. If you only have a suspicion and you step in as a concerned member of the public as you might with any child, you will only get grief. Your evidence will fall apart and you will become scapegoated as the snitch. DH needs to speak to public child protection services and/or the school and they will have procedures for providing SD and BM with professional help, which is what is needed. He then steps out of line of fire. If he does the talking and it blows up in his face, you are not implicated. If he does nothing, you are implicated should anything come to light and seen as part of a circle of collusive adults. You have to draw the boundaries now before she starts bringing undesirables into your home as an adult.

ctnmom's picture

Totally agree with calling CPS. If ever there was a reason this was it. I have 2DDs and this made my skin crawl. Disregard all the BM drama for the moment and consider that a crime may be happening here.

Aphrodite3010's picture

We've called CPS before when BM was exposing SD to BM's molester, did they do anything? Nope, bc he's not a known offender they said there was nothing they could do, HUGE WASTE OF TIME!

He hasnt confronted SF bc he's honestly too scared he'll beat the crap out of him, its not out of lack of concern but more out of control. And knowing that the SF will just lie and deny the whole situation doesn't help matters.

alwaysanxious's picture

THIS. SO would confront sdad himself. I could already picture clearly how this would go.
Why is sdad allowed to take the kid out of school? Don't you have to have authorization?

Disneyfan's picture

I can't believe dad isn't doing anything.

DF would be in jail by now. He isn't one to do things the right way when it comes to protecting his girls. He's a firm believer in hood justice.

Aphrodite3010's picture

SD wont talk about SF to counselor, she suspects that its not a normal natural relationship but can't determine to what extent. The SF isnt taking the SD out of school but picking her up after school. I don't know if DH will talk to SF tonight bc SD goes with her BM this weekend, another thing that makes my skin crawl. If it were me something would have definitely already been said.

As far as CPS, I just feel like they won't do anything like they didnt do anything last time. You can't make them do their job so I dont know what to do about that.

3littlemonkeys's picture

Ooooh, kaaaay. This could be a problem.

Where does SD live primarily? Is her father involved in her life on a regular, consistent basis?
How does SF pick her up from school without "your" consent? I'd imagine that her mother thinks it's ok?

Why not get a text message recorder for SD's phone so you can view all of their text messages?

Aphrodite3010's picture

She lives with us and her dad is very involved, according to SD too involved. Shes told us she would rather live with her BM but who wouldnt when theres no rules, no boundaries, no expectations, its a total free for all at BM's house. SD is supposed to walk home from school and SF has been randomly showing up at the school and taking her home, school gets out at 3, she still comes home at 4, we live less than a mile away. The SF creeps me out hardcore right now...even on SD's days with BM, BM doesnt pick her up from school, SF ALWAYS does. SD is not allowed in ANYONES car without prior permission.

Of course her BM thinks its ok.....

The message recorder is a good idea, I'll look into it....

beyond pissed-off's picture

It is hardly unusual for molesters to "target" single women with children and marry them simply to get access to their children. I am not saying that this is the case here but I would definitely be concerned.

Aphrodite3010's picture

BM and SF have been married for over 10 years, DH contacted the police and the best they could tell us to do was confront them about it. We're also contacting the school and SD will have to be signed out by a parent, not a stepparent or anyone else.

As far as the flirtations, if you take the context of her SF out of the situation or the 20+ years age differnce, if she was sneaking around with some 15 year old and deleting phone calls and text messages I would assume the exact same thing. That they were fooling around, I'm not blind to the obvious.

mom2boys's picture

I would tap into the phone lines and have it recorded and see whats going on...she could be calling him... sorry i couldnt be of more help

Aphrodite3010's picture

Well DH and I confronted BM and SF and it went horrible! Both BM and SF excused the behavior as it was a game, that shaking her ass is called wagging her tail at him. He was all ready to defend himself and say he never has done anything inappropriate with her. CPS won't help us, they said unless she says that he touched her we can't do anything. The cops wont help us bc CPS hasn't been contacted, its so frustrating!!!! Apparently according to the system we're just suppose to let him touch her sexually and see how that goes. We're following up with SD's therapist in the morning bc she has disclosed that they play a game where she wakes him up and they wrestle, what award winning parenting here!!!

I'm so mad right now I'm sure my blood is literally boiling!!!

buterfly_2011's picture

Have you ever watched Dateline's to catch a preditor? If you can't seem to get any help with the school and CPS (which this floors me) then I'd be taking matters into my own hands. Her bio dad has the right to say SF can't pick her up from school. HE also has the right to remove his daughter from BM's home if she isn't there. I believe that's called first right of refusal. If the BM isn't home then BD gets his kid. Does she have a phone plan? Who is it through? BM OR BD? If it's bio dad I'd be getting online and seeing if this nasty man is calling her... and some cell phone companies offer the texts to view as well. I am floored at how you aren't getting any help. They tell kids to tell if they are being molested etc... yet here are two grown ass adults trying to get help for their daughter and getting the door shut because she hasn't been touched yet? On Dateline's to catch those nasty men they didn't have to touch those girls to get arrested! I am sorry for the lack of support you are getting. It's time to play magnum pi yourself and catch this creep!