Stepdaughter driving me mad
I've been with my husband for almost 10 years, and been married for 6 years. When I got with my husband, his daughter was 3. I actually met his daughter first as he is friends with my sisters husband and they came to my nephews birthday. I helped my sister with all the kids, including SD at the time, dancing and playing with them.
About a week after the party, my now husband asked my sister if I was single and asked me out on a date. He then started inviting me out on days out with his daughter. I work Mon to Fri so I couldn't go when they went out through the week so she still had her daddy daughter time. Me and his step daughter got on so well then about 6 months into the relationship, she suddenly took a dislike to me and since then we've had a load of trouble.
We moved in together after 8 months and my step daughter used to stay over every weekend and one night through the week. That has now changed to once every 2 weeks.
When she was little her mum accused me of biting her and my stepdaughter didn't correct her, it wasn't until nursery confirmed that it was a kid at school that did it then I didn't even get a sorry. My husband stuck up for me but took my step daughter to a wacky warehouse. So needless to say, a few weeks later she told her mum I was hitting her, then asked when she could go to the wacky warehouse again. I've had 9 years now of her saying stuff about me to her mum, lying about me and accusing me of stuff. About a year ago, my step daughter even told my husband he had to pick between us both.
She's a little brat at home too for her mum, smashing people's cars and attacking them. Even my sister in law and mother in law have now told my husband he needs to start putting our relationship first. I think she's hell bent on breaking our marriage and I'm getting to the point where I say I've had enough.
Since she's turned 13, she's been even more awful, she's meant to be coming tonight and I just feel like crying. She was meant to come last weekend but cancelled and now because she's clicked her fingers, he's going running over there. I feel like I need longer to be prepared mentally. My husband and I are hoping to try for a baby next year and she's already said to him 'it better not be a girl' - why is he even telling her our plans in the first place?! I don't have any questions as such, I think I just need to rant as I've kept this all to myself for years. Whenever I've said anything, I've just been called the wicked step mother. Like I'm meant to just accept it all. I think he carries the guilt of not being with her when she was little and doesn't see that her being at ours puts me on edge as I never know what she's going to accuse me of next or say to me.
We have the same SD
I've also been threatened by my SD and definitely feel like she's out to hurt my relationship. She even asked her dad to propose to her like he did to ke for her birthday to make her feel special. Wacko.
I hate that it has to be this way, but I've made it clear that if DH doesn't advocate for me and our relationship, I'm gone. I don't deserve being treated that way and I don't have to accept it. And I won't. I've disinvited his daughter in planned trips after threats and made it clear that I won't spend time alone with her. I understand *to a degree* that children in divorces can be emotionally insecure and stuff but that's not an appropriate way to process that, and parents need to shut down than kind of behavior (while also being reassuring to the insecure kids). But DH'a guilt is HIS issue. He shouldn't be making you pay for his past choices or his guilt. That's his sh*t to handle. I was never a person who had ultimatums before this relationship, but I refuse to live in a home where I am physically or emotionally unsafe. Set a boundary about her behavior with you DH and if he lets it slide, follow through on whatever you say the consequences will be.
My SD was awful as well. We
My SD was awful as well. We got along so well and had a great relationship for the first few years. Then as soon as she turned 6 she just flipped to hating me because I broke up her parents (they split before she turned 1). However, she never lied about me the ways your SD is lying about you. I'm sorry you are going through this. It is terrible that you are being accused of such awful stuff.
I definitely think you should set boundaries with your husband and really limit time around her. I would be a little concerned about having a baby with the possibility of her harming it. She sounds very unhinged. The fact that she said it better not be a girl is very telling. My husband and I have had boys prior but when we had our daughter my SD flipped out. She said if we decided to go on to have the baby she was no longer going to be a part of the family since she couldn't be the only girl. Haven't heard from or seen her since. It was rough on my husband for awhile. Life just keeps getting better for me no more bullshit from a messed up teen girl. You never know you could get lucky lol!
This is really a DH problem
He is playing along with the craziness. He telling SD thing that he should not ( ie trying to have a baby) Look up Mimi wife. He's treating SD as a adult on a higher place then you. As in believing SD over you
They've made her the Queen
They've made her the Queen and they are her subjects. I'd straighten this out before you have kids - her false allegations could cost you custody of your own children is CPS gets involved. Personally I think it's time for your DH to take his visitation time somewhere other than your home.
Disengage. Don't do a damn
Disengage. Don't do a damn thing for her. If she bitches tell her "I don't do things for people that lie about me or are rude to me"
don't be in room alone with her.
check out of the responsibility.
You have a Disney Dad...
I have lived through this issue and it took almost 30 years for DAH(Dumb Azz Husband) to finally grow some balls and stand up to SD. If you want to read about your possible future, check out the adult Skid forum. You are in for a long rough road and you need to set major boundaries with SD and your DH. Read my blogs and see what can happen when the SD is older.
My OSD became hell on wheels
My OSD became hell on wheels at 13 too. I dislike her and she knows it. I do not interfere in her relationship with SO. But I certainly refuse so to spend even a minute with her.
I make myself indisposed when she comes around. Leaving her and SO to be together. This has served me well. I don't have to deal with her and her behavior and SO does!
Trust me when I tell you they are not any less hostile, dramatic or annoying when you are not around. The bonus is they don't have you to target or blame. Guess who became OSDs new target? Dear daddy and he didn't like it one bit.
The last time she was here was Christmas and only for 3 days. Her birthday is coming up and SO has not mentioned once wanting to see her or do anything for her birthday.
I can tell you the days of daddy guilt and gushing over his precious princess have disappeared. Forcing him to spend uninterrupted quality time with OSD was enough for him to figure out who the real problem is.
I also didn't hold back when he would complain about how OSD would behave and point out his faults as a parent.
He just had to get past his own guilt and realize kissing her butt in order to get her to come spend time with him wasn't worth the aggravation.
I have similar here, we got
I have similar here, we got along well until about 1-2 months after we got married. Her BM has never been involved in her life or ours but my MIL is almost as bad at times. She started telling MIL that I screamed at her and refused to help with her homework which was completely false as they had seen me helping on many occasions. She's now about to be 16 and it's never gotten better, she only speaks to me if she wants me to do something for her and she purposely makes sure to speak to everyone around me just to make sure I know she's being nasty. She has the maturity of a 12yr old but everyone babies her and never makes her take responsibility. She told my DH flat out she will never get along with me but had no legitimate reason for why. 7 years in and I can't wait til she's 18 and I don't have to be responsible for her. I'm the one who buys Christmas and Easter presents, schedule all appt, keep track of school registrations and everything but I am somehow still the evil one!