SS needs help, DH wanted him to move in ... I said no; so he left us.
Backstory: I've been with DH since 2008. SS was 2 at the time. It's always been rough. BM and her family spoiled SS rotten. At early age he would tell DH I was mean to him and didn't love him because I would treat him like my child and if he didn't do something he was yelled at or punished.
Fast forward to him being 12 and out of control at his mothers so I agreed to have him live with us. I purchased the home ( DH is not on it ). During that time he would make racist comments ie: Dad I know how you fucked up your life, you married an Asian; brought large knives ( nazi symbols, 1 was like a large eagle like claw shaped used to hit animals ) I was doing laundry and reached down and pulled out a blade. Thankfully our other children weren't helping at the time it could have sliced their fingers off. He began sending nudes to older men, searching for sugar daddy's on kik and other apps, and one night while his dad was at school (night school) he bucked at me and laughed in my face as I searched his room for more weapons after I said no more. He laughing made comments about he had more but didn't know where they were at the time. It sent chills up my spine. I told DH then that he had to go. I didn't feel safe for my self or my other children ( our daughters together who were 3 and 6) he was taking photos and sending them to older men; how did I know if he gave them our address or he didn't take a photo by a street sign or school items where men could find them. DH said I was being crazy and exaggerating. He didn't like that and I told him that SS could go or they both could but I needed to protect my daughters. SS lett the next day and DH left that following day he was gone for about a.week before he asked to come back.
Fast forward to beginning of this year: BM searched SS room and found 2 guns and drugs; and said he was calling the suicide hotlines. DH took off work and took SS to be evaluated; he was admitted for a few days. He laughed about it, no school TV and it was like a mini vacation. Didn't take anything seriously. In therapy only thing he could say was that DH chose me over him and BM chose her new bf over him. Then he gets out and maybe a month later ( last week ) we get a call from SS saying him and moms bf got into a fight and BM BF bodyslammed him. ( turns out he was suspended from bus last week and from school that week ) BM said she didn't agree with the BF putting hands on SS but that he was laughing in their faces when they tried to talk to him. DH had surgery that morning and now we get this call so I drive him over to BM house to see wtf is going on and SS is sliced from cutting up and down both arms .... DH solution is to bring him back to our house for a few days to chill. All good; bc I know DH will be home and SS will need to return to school before DH has school. Whelp I get home and nope he's decided to let him stay thru the weekend. I didn't agree because DH would have school Thursday night leaving me alone with my 2 girls and SS. We argue, so he says I'll find somewhere for us (DH/SS) to go. Next day I get message BM will pick him up by 330; I get home at 355; I sit at bus stop with little ones because I haven't heard he's been picked up . Finally around 415 I pull up and open house and SS is sitting down stairs playing a video game. BM doesn't show up for another 30 mins. I used bathroom and was getting ready to leave because I didn't wanna be there alone and she showed up. Friday afternoon rolls around and DH tries to argue that he wants SS to move back in with us ... I don't think he needs to be here he needs to be admitted to a 30 day evaluation for the help he needs. We didn't agree so DH packed up his belongings and told our daughters he was moving out for good and told me I told you that you wouldn't win over my kids.
It's Sunday and still no word from him. He has called our daughters cell and talked to them. Am I wrong for wanting to protect myself and our daughters?! I'm just sad, angry, like 12 years together, 9 year marriage all gone.