So I have two sds 16 and 13. The older SD16 when she was 13 she decided that summer she wouldn't show up. She told DH that she was grown and didn't have to come over anymore and if he wanted to see her, he needed to come there and take her somewhere. Well I told DH if he gave in to this latest shit show, it would continue. As far as I know, he just allowed her to just stay at her mom's and talk totally disrespectful to him. She told him I was a bitch, this was because I told every kid, to include my own, they weren't going to dress inappropriately and be disrespectful.

Last summer, both sd16 (was 15) and sd 13(was 12) showed their literal ass. Their clothes were showing everything to the point where the other adults (dhs cousins) continue to ask me if they had other clothes to put on because they were tired of seeing their tits and ass. It all came to a head on vacation and his sd16 stated I was the reason she wanted to kill herself. Now these kids only come over every other weekend or less. I don't talk to them because every time I have said anything to them, they go home to their BM and she bitchs at DH saying I upset them. It seriously could be as simple as can you shut the door behind you or here is your plate. So I stopped cooking, talking and interacting with them at all. 

Now it's the following year and sd16 shows up once every 4-6 weeks when she feels like it. SD13 has refused to come over since christmas, except one time where BM swears she made them come over and they cried not to come here. Mind you I don't tell them what to do, wear or anything while they are here. I essentially am just a shadow in my own home while they invade our normally calm home. SD13 doesn't respond to DH and she text him in february, that she was not coming over here period and he couldn't make her. This was the exact words from SD16 at that age. SD13 has also been rude to DH's mom, her grandma when they have come 2 hours to go to her softball games.

Instead of DH letting go and letting them do their thing. He will text and call reguarly, when they don't answer he calls BM to find out why and if they are "ok" as he states it. Now days before the SD or SDs come over DH becomes really rude, nasty and distant to me. He took SD16 to work with him on saturday. I said something about going to the gym (I go at least 5-6 times a week), he got an attitude and told me just go. I tried to find out when he wanted me to be back because it would be close to dinner time. His response was "just go and come whenever you want". This isn't DH he is always wanting us to be together for dinner and is usually a much better communicator.

He has allowed this situation to kill our relationship/marriage. I am wondering if my marriage is even worth saving. DH wants me to forget all they have done and to just be happy when they are here. WHAT??? I can't even talk in my own home without their drama. They don't bathe, brush their hair, brush their teeth or even acknowledge anyone but DH. They tell their half-sister our SD5 (mine and dh's) she is noisy, rude and she has nappy hair. She has curly red hair just like their DAD (DH). Actually our SD5 looks like DHs mini-me. 

I have engaged, disengaged, left my own home and now I am just a ghost. Nothing is good enough for any of them. DH on top of all this lies and hides money from me. Up until last december I paid his mortgage in full. DH swore he couldn't afford it. DH now make 20K more than me, gets bonuses reguarly and just got a raise this year. Our life is basically ones of someone who isn't working. I have to cover the car insurance, the food (all of it), all the animals, our daughters needs, my kids needs, and half the mortgage/ half our truck payment. I am completely broke, I mean that I have to ask him for $20 just to have gas to go to work. He will ask me where all my money went but when I ask him why he says he is broke, when he makes 20K more than me but doesn't pay more than I do, he will get mad and start yelling.

I am not proud I check behind him but my gut says, he isn't telling the truth. I checked his wallet, he had $400 in cash. I asked him how much he had on him that day, he said nothing. It misteriously disappeared a day later. We have separate accounts because my ex DH took all the money out and closed the account without my knowledge. BM doesn't work but SDs always have new phones, new name brand clothes and go out to eat, 2 of the 3 kids (1 isn't my husbands he says) are in softball. 

DHs parent's last year didn't come to our house, they don't visit our SD5. They only see SD5 the one day a week his mom was watching her for me to go to work. DHs parents went an hour away to BMs other kid school for grandparents day. DH saw this on FB but didn't say anything to me. I found the information, BM said they were her Gparents. So it seems there is alot of lying going around and I feel like I am being lied to just to stay around so DH, BM and SDs can have a better life. I pay almost everything for our life but BM and SDs have all kinds of things, and she lives off welfare and $720 a month. 

I was told to not worry about what "they" have, ok but what if it's because DH is doing for all of it but lying so he doesn't have to be confronted on it. DH will get his bonus, spend it then say "oh I told you I got it and I'm paying off my credit cards". DH has been "paying off his credit cards" for 5 years. DH has 22 credit cards, he only has access to them. Some of them have my name on them as a 2nd card holder but I am not allowed to have access to them. I can't use them and just say "hey I used X because of X". Nope!

I am not sure what to do here. I have tried everything. DH says we have 5 years and there will be no child support and things will be different but will it be. Or will he still lie and hide stuff, so he can have what he wants. DH spent $1500 on a tool box and didn't even discuss it with me. As a couple, should this not be a discussion at least?? Well apparently only my money is up for discussion. 

I am so tired of telling my kids (1 mine and 1 ours) no I can't get you a snack from the store because I literally don't have a dime in my account. I work every day. I pay bills, buy food, and get gas. Anything extra, like $4 for a pair of shorts for our SD5 and I'm broke.

I have hit an all time low on depression. I decided to get my CPT, which means school work online. DH says it is a waste of money and it will just not work out like the other things I have tried (photography, MLM). How is knowledge for a back up a waste of money? It's like $120 a month. I'm not expecting him to pay it, I am just cutting the food budget. 

thoughts? I am just all over the place and I am sorry.