Skids refuse visits - how to support DH?
Forums:
My teen skids have stated they will no longer come stay with us. They still want to spend time with him, just not stay over night. Go to dinner, activities, etc. He wants to respect their wishes. Without getting into too much detail, of course it's my fault. My husband is depressed. Not treating me bad but sleeping on the couch. My question for those that have gone through this - how did you support your DH, or if you are the DH - what helped you? It's been a couple weeks and I don't know what to do.
Why is he sleeping on the couch?
Why is he sleeping on the couch? Is it to punish you because he thinks somehow the situation with his kids is your fault? If so, quit worrying about supporting him and start wondering why he isn't supporting you.
Are they giving a reason? If
Are they giving a reason? If so, what is it?
My SD pulled this too, and added a stack of devastating lies to bolster her refusal. I was DEVASTATED. So was DH. Luckily he knew she was lying. I offered to move out but he was having none of it. We went from 50/50 to 0 literally overnight.
I gave him space when he needed it, and was there right next to him when he needed it. Sometimes I had to ask directly what he needed from me in that moment - making it clear that I wouldn't get upset if space were his answer.
Sending love x
Did this affect the child
Did this affect the child support your DH pays? We are in the same boat with one teen SK who does not want to come over anymore (we live 35 mile away from BM and have the kids every weekend, 50/50 custody all the way).
How is it "your fault"? Are
How is it "your fault"? Are you asking for rules and structure in your home while he would allow a free for all? Is he blaming you as well?
A lot of questions to be answered before it's clear whether you should support him at all, or if he's part of the problem here (which is very likely).
Tell your man child of a
Tell your man child of a husband to man up and deal with the situation because these are his kids and he's supposed to be a parent, not a whiny kid who sulks every time there's a bump in the road.
Does he even understand that they are growing up and have their own lives??!
The main problem is him
The main problem is him punishing you. If he thinks you've caused this then he won't want your support.
Many skids start this crap as teenagers, it's not fun to hang out with dad anymore unless he's taking them out and spending money, hence the restaurant and going out visits are still on the table.
So, he's not treating you bad
So, he's not treating you bad but he's sleeping on the couch? In my house, sleeping on the couch is a very bold statement, and not a good one. This has been going on for a couple of weeks?
He wants to respect their wishes? What about respecting you? Sleeping on the couch is a big slap in the face. Has he actually talked to you about the situation?
They only want to be with him for fun stuff, not to really spend time with him. Unless you have been abusing them, they are using you as a scapegoat and your husband is obviously buying that it's your fault.
More details would really be helpful.
Unless you actually did
Unless you actually did something to the SKs, you don't need to support your DH through this until he stops punishing you for it.
"DH, I am sorry that this is painful for you, but I'm not going to tolerate being the bad guy for something I didn't do and I can't fix. If you want your kids to stay with you and they refuse unless you divorce me, then you have to decide if that is what you want to do. But not addressing your feelings and how you want to tackle this while disconnecting from me isn't the answer. I'll support whatever path you want to take, but the path you are currently on isn't one that I will stay with you long on."
I have no doubt that he is hurt, but that's where he has to decide who dictates his life: his kids or himself.