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Sick of cooking for ungrateful ss

Miss Scarlet's picture

I am so fed up of cooking the family meals and 17 yr old ss never being appreciative, never saying thanks. What makes it worse is that my partner always thanks me and then asks ss if he enjoyed it, to which the reply is usually, it was ok! It's just beginning to really annoy me and I do not like sitting with ss at the table because he tries to provoke arguments. We have ss 50 percent of the time and I am thinking I should tell my partner to do the cooking when we have got him? The ss always makes a big fuss of how nice the meal is when his dad has made it, even if it is beans on toast. I just feel so resentful thinking what to cook, buying the stuff, making it and then have the ungrateful ss pulling his face. Advice please.

Azure's picture

Stop doing it. I did and never looked back. I got so tired of SD purposely wretching and puking up at the table over simple things like mashed potatoes or green beans. And her father never addressed it. I got tired of being the bad guy. So now I cook for myself and my 2 bios - I don't even cook for my husband anymore. I got tied of watching him dump salt and butter all over the food I prepare so he could tolerate it. They prefer boxed, frozed and canned garbage anyway. They can help each other treat their diabetes or hypertension one day. F that.

Miss Scarlet's picture

Thanks, you're all amazing. I hate upsetting my dh but am so full of resentment, I will have sandwiches when ss comes round and then I don't have to sit at the table either and look at him. Smile

Azure's picture

^^^THIS!

Even on nights that I make just easy hamburgers or something I STILL don't make anything for SD and DH. They burned their bridge. Most times I have dinner made and we are done before he even gets home from work!

sbm014's picture

I agree just stop. I stopped after SS blatantly lied to BM on the phone who was cooking saying "Daddy made it so good" and when I gave him a side eye he started crying saying I was mean. If you are going to tell BM who cooked and lie I don't need to do it...mind you all BM asked is what we were having no additional questions (She was on speaker phone). I told DH that I felt disrespected and I already do so much that I don't have to.

I also agree do not short yourself because your DH and SS are jerks. I would cook something nice for myself and leave them out and if asked tell them why. I am lucky though because my DH got the hint and will now cook anytime SS is here and even times that he isn't.

mph's picture

See, this answer is why this forum needs 'likes' like FB. Maybe it's due to my family not being total dicks, but I feel ya.

Generic's picture

That kid needs to knock off the theatrics. I know grown people who still do that and it's SO disgusting and rude.

mimi719's picture

UGH. This is, er...WAS...my life.

Oh wait. I changed it. I'm sitting here while DH cooks, cuz his boys are here tonight.

I'm happy to cook when they aren't here.

It's not worth my happiness.

weekendwidow's picture

I am definitely going to tell DH that he is in charge of meals every other weekend. I think he can handle 4 nights a month, I cook all of the other nights for DH and my Bios, now DH can pick up the slack.

I'll never forget the one night the turd (SS17) took a taste of something I made, took the salt and pepper and doused his food with it. Mind you, no one else needed extra seasoning. Then he looked at me and said, "You know, in some cultures, seasoning the food in front of the chef is considered an insult." And I said, "Yes, I do know that. Did YOU know that it's also considered an insult in my house.?" He's such an ass. From that point, I haven't cooked a blessed thing for him. I didn't even realize that until now. We always seem to go out or get pizza whenever he is here...

But I will be telling DH why I'm not cooking for SS any longer. It's on DH now.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I cook for DH...and if SD14 eats it, oh well. Most the time she will opt not to eat what I have fixed...she doesn't like healthy food! She will look at what is on the stove, make a face, and then make a sandwich...if she eats at all. Doesn't affect me at all anymore!

Mentalgirl48's picture

I NEVER EVER cook for those brats..once in a blue moon if I am off and I have the time to prepare something I will usually do it for DAD so that he comes home to a nice meal as he ALWAYS cooks...and if the brats like it they can have some too..LOL

Painter21's picture

After a 'discussion' with SS17 where his opinion about my place in the household became clear - i.e. me doing the cooking and cleaning was not worth his respect, because he unpacks the dishwasher now and then too so he does the same thing as me, and in fact I had to respect him, I flat out refused to cook for him after that. I just said to DH, I will cook for my own children but he can make his own if it's not a big deal to him. My resentfulness level went from out of control to about zero after that and I felt so much better than when I was slaving for someone who thinks that I'm his personal housekeeper. As I have been doing for the last ten years with no appreciation for my effort or time whatsoever.

Costello girl's picture

I had this situation this weekend. I made a lovely dinner and the skids (16 and 13 - won't eat anything apart from processed crap)ate one piece of chicken and 2 potatoes. Neither of them can use a knife and fork! Afterward SD 13 says in a really fake voice..."oh thank you , that was so delicious" so I told her I had spent all afternoon cooking and she had refused to try most of it which was rude. The stuck up little madam just laughed in my face. I tell DH who says "oh she was probably nervous"....Get a backbone and some balls and back me up once. So I have put my foot down and said I am not cooking or shopping for them again. The next day he was clearly waiting for me to prepare a meal but I just sat watching TV all day. In the end he took him to McDonald's on the way home.
I have put up with this picky eating, bad manners and crap for 3 years, I have completely disengaged due to DH never supporting me and being too soft to parent his kids. The only thing I did was cook and now I am not going there. Your kids, you feed them!

Nj23's picture

I refuse to cook for SDs.... SD17 made a comment once about "starting to notice a trend" with my dinners (crockpot, casseroles , etc), and that was it for me. DH cooks for them while they're with us, and shops for/ makes their lunches as well ( sad that H was still making SD17s lunch, but not my problem )

Ready for Freedom's picture

Yes, definitely stop cooking for your stepson. I stopped cooking for my stepkids about 6 months ago. It is the best feeling ever to not have to worry about what they might like or not like for dinner! I felt so guilty when I first stopped but I very quickly worked through that emotion as the emotion of grand relief came over me! "-)

Dogmom1321's picture

I have eventually stopped cooking for SD10 all together. At her age though, she is more than capable. We started with the basics. She can make herself a bowl of cereal. No need for me to wait on her hand and foot. If she doesn't like what's for dinner (baked chicken, veggies, pork chops, spaghetti, etc.) she can make something herself and clean up. She likes "kid food" still and will heat up chicken fingers or a corn dog. I've taught her how to make eggs and bacon for breakfast too, so she can help herself. It has been SO nice when she asks "Can I have ______?" Sure, pans are in the cabinet. Often times, she is so lazy, she will rethink if she REALLY wants something or not. This has been big. Also, we haven't told her yet, but we are expecting an "ours baby" in April. I totally don't expect her to help with the baby AT ALL, but she can definitely contribute to the household to make things easier for DH and I. 

Worriedmomtobe's picture

I would say... talk about this to your DH, tell him that you don't feel like cooking for everybody anymore because of SS' ungratefulness. Tell him you feel bad, you put so much effort and SS never even say a simple "thank you" to you. After explaining all that, making sure he understands specially how you feel, you can go ahead and say "so, honey that is the reason why I decided I won't be cooking anymore when He is here, please, you handle this from now on"