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Sick and tired of being sacrificed at the altar of my step daughters feelings!!

talgar123's picture

I have done my absolute hardest to be a provider for my step daughter since marrying last July. Gone out of my way to do and say the right things. In spite of my SD15 being incredibly lazy, no work ethic, no self respect, and worst of all, completely molly-coddled by her mum!! So I find myself in a position where any comment or suggestion regarding my SD even if completely justified, just gets met with instant defensive behaviour from my wife. This to the point that my own needs and feelings are 'thrown under the bus' every single time and I'm sacrificed at the altar of my SD on every level. My issues include my SD expecting every to be done for her, not lifting a hand in any way to help in the home, invasion of my privacy by entering my and my wife's bedroom without permission (the ONLY place I have left to myself if I want privacy), the complete over indulging by her mum, the money my wife seems to just take it upon herself to spend on her (we both bring incomes in to the house), her complete lack of manners, her disrespectful behaviour towards her mother, and I could go on! But if I bring up any of these legitimate points because they are causing me hurt, or impacting on the environment I also have to live in, I am always considered in the wrong and met with immediate defensive reaction from my wife. I am at my wits end - how I'm the he'll do I deal with this????

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The bedroom has to be a hard limit. There absolutely has to be a place you can go to decompress and, well, disengage to, if your wife won't let you have any say in what goes on with SD.  

Siemprematahari's picture

I would start by separating finances, stop supporting SD- she has her mother and hopefully her dad is around. Disengage, put a lock in your bedroom door, and have a serious sit down with your wife. If you're not able to communicate with her what type of marriage do you really have?

Did you see any of these red flags prior to marrying and living with your wife?