sharing a hotel room....
we are set to go to a family wedding next month with SD13.
we have a room that has a queen bed for us and a pull out couch for SD. i had thought that it was a "suite" meaning we'd have a door to our own room.
obviously fiance has shared hotels with his kid before. in fact, he usually always slept on the couch and let SD share the bed with her mother!! obviously that is not happening with us.
im kind of stressed about this because of the lack of privacy. SD has only even slept over at our house once. and i could close the door. now she's basically going to be in the same room.
part of me just wants to cancel the hotel and not even stay over.
fiance is of course fine with the hotel becuase its his kid, and he's used to it. odd thing is, if it were my niece or nephew or even a friend's child id be ok with it. the fact that its SD makes me super uncomfortable.
im also in general just dreading going with her because you never know if she will act up and ruin things. fiance has told me if she acts up her mother can come and get her at the hotel and take her home, btu i just dont even want to deal with it.
public situations with her make me nervous because she's so embarrassing with her rudeness, lack of table manners, etc. while the family knows she's not my kid, i hate to think that others at the weddng will think she's mine.
Just going to be honest with
Just going to be honest with you here. You are being very petty over this. It's a hotel room. It is not forever, it's what 1-2 nights?? No, you can't get it on with your FDH. There will be a bathroom with a door for all changing needs. Let this go and be the grown up.
I agree with the others who
I agree with the others who say that this is a non issue. This is ... a none issue.
One night maybe two. No big deal. You could even have some fun. Take a board game, order pizza at midnight. Watch PPV movies together.
No reason it has to be a tense experiences.
its not about the sex.... i
its not about the sex.... i would have said that in my original post but i honestly didnt think i had to.
its just the general sense of privacy...having my space violated. and again, this girl has only slept over at our house ONCE. so this hotel stay will be only the second time she's even spent a night with us separate room or not.
i like the ideas of doing something fun, but she will have no interest. she'll be glued to her device the entire night (probably during the wedding too as her father wont take it away from her).
due to my attempts at being disengaged i also have not spent any significant time around her other than Easter sunday for 5 months now.
My biggest worry would be
My biggest worry would be SD13 throwing a fit about sleeping on the couch, and DH insisting that you and her share the bed!! DH did that crap to me one time for one of BS19's football camps! We could only get a 2 double with a couch...the plan was that SD13 would sleep on the couch, as it was too short for BS19 to sleep on, and he couldn't be in pain the next day when he had to give his best performance at the camp of one of the colleges he was trying to go to. SD15 whined about it, so DH took the couch and told SD15 to share the bed with me! I was NOT happy, but I needed to sleep...so oh well. This bed was a queen, and SD15 managed to take over the whole bed!!! When I finally got tired of her constant moving...the kicking and the being hit in the face...I got up and tried to sleep in the chair. Problem is, I had no covers, because DH had taken the extra covers for the couch, and the room was freezing cold no matter how I tried to set the stupid A/C. Didn't sleep at all that night, hurt all over...yeah, everyone KNEW that I was not in a good mood the next day! I told DH right then and there...NEVER again! The next similar trip, SD15 slept on the couch! And, no, could not just spring for an adjoining room...at $100/night for anything that doesn't smell like mold or looks like you could rent by the hour, that gets way expensive way fast!
I don't know if I would
I don't know if I would really call being in the same hotel room a violation of your personal space. I think it will be okay. Just remember, its not for a week or anything like that. Or like another poster mentioned, spring for an upgraded room or two adjoining rooms.
"My biggest worry would be
"My biggest worry would be SD13 throwing a fit about sleeping on the couch, and DH insisting that you and her share the bed!!"
Bingo. Given the history of SD always being given the comfort of a bed over a couch/pull out when she traveled with her parents this is possible. Although she and i hate each other so she probably wouldnt ask in this instance. So instead, she will just whine, cry and beg to not stay over with us (like she does every weekened she is supposed to sleep over), cause a scene and ruin the weekend.
Fiance is planning on telling her that seh can go home in the event she pulls this, but that her mother will have to come to the hotel to get her. Mother of course will do that as she has to save/protect her daughter from her big, bad, mean dad.
The air mattress is a great
The air mattress is a great idea..in fact, make it her choice. "SD, would you rather sleep on the pull out couch or the air mattress?' Make sure that your bed is not an option.
We have gone on many
We have gone on many vacations (my husband and two step sons) The adjoining rooms have been great, but when that's not possible I seriously get annoyed being in a room with the two of them. They generally complain that we have the nicer sleeping arrangement etc, argue and fight, pull the curtains shut in the room (even when we are facing a beach), and overall act like little jerks. I completely understand what you mean. Then sharing a bathroom is a whole other story.
well, problem solved. we just
well, problem solved.
we just are not staying over and will make the drive back that night. its not far, only 20 miles, but of course we had wanted to drink and have FUN. but with SD coming we cant really drink anyway because her mother will file to have visitation removed when she hears we drank in front of SD (she's tried to remove visitation before for other BS reasons, lost big time, but still of course cost us time, money and stress).
Tell me about it!!! DH often
Tell me about it!!! DH often says that one of these times, we need to take SD15 on a cruise with us. I quickly point out that we never took either of my bios on a cruise, and the whole purpose of when we go on a cruise is to spend time with each other...get away from IT ALL! If DH wants to take the princess on a cruise, he needs to find the money himself, and he and the princess can go by themselves! I'm pretty sure if I were stuck on a boat for any length of time with that girl, she would end up overboard!
back when SD was acting
back when SD was acting normal we had considered taking her and a friend on a cruise with us.
now, i dont have any desire to take her anywhere, mostly because it wouldnt be worth the money. im not going to spend thousands so she can bury her face in her damn phone (which she would INSIST on taking and fiance wont say no) and text her mother all week. we also like to drink and party especially on cruises and i dont want to deal with a court filing upon return. that little d-bag would take photos of us drinking at every opportunity and send them home.
so, we just got back from a wonderful cruise and we are going again in december with no SD.
the other problem is SD is wishy washy. we'll spend the money then when departure day comes she will say "i dont wannnnna go" or "i'm not comfortable going" and it will be wasted money. no thanks.