Kscotch's picture

I only have one bio child, a daughter, generally well behaved and a great student. She got a call when she was 14 and we had a couple boys who texted inappropriate sex comments to her. We did regular phone check at that age and she was always punished for continuing to converse with guys who said these gross things to her. She never answered in a positive way to them but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted her to cut communication with boys who wanted to talk about sex.  My husband did a good job at contacting their parents, informing them of what was said and letting them know we didn't want their kid contacting our kid anymore and basically to stay away from our daughter. 

Fast forwards 5 years and we have a grown daughter who is a successful College sophomore and we have a new kid to raise our 15 year old nephew. 

When he came to us over a year ago, he had a broken phone with no cell service. He used this phone to work apps when he could connect to Wi-Fi. 

We immediately bought him a new phone with good service and have been paying for it ever since. 

I pay about $69 a month for his phone and it stays on my bedside table more than in his pocket. He says nasty things to girls, looks at porn, texts all day long during school (and he isn't making stellar grades or anything, barely passing a couple classes) has password protected apps hidden and of course has people (bad friends) as friends on apps so he can attempt to communicate in secret. God know what kind of pictures he's sending/asking for on snapchat. I've erased everything to factory setting on phone this last time and am not going to give it back until I can figure out some personal control safeguard. 

It is so weird being on the other side of this issue. I want to have sympathy, because.. hormones, and normal teenage "feelings" and all the questions I had at that age. I know it's normal to become interested in sex and according to my husband it's just worse for boys (OMG.. eye roll) 


I am sticking to my guns preaching SELF CONTROL and RESPECT for yourself and others. I truly believe it is so easy these days to say something over text it is making these teenaged boys so bold! I have read things he has said to his little girlfriend (at school) and it makes me cringe! Example (sorry) " I want to eat u out" "have you ever fingered yourself" etc..

The poor girls never respond with that language, always changing the subject or just saying "no" but they continue to text him.constantly. they do most of the talking and he responds with one or two word answers. The only time I see him text a full sentence he is talking about sex! 

He rides the bus with his current "girlfriend" and I know through snooping that they are kidding and light petting at school and on the bus! 

He is being punished but do I inform her parents? They are supposed to go to homecoming dance (closely supervised) and I just feel bad for these girls having to deal with this kid and I know from years ago expert with my own daughter it's not just him. 

Boys in my day (that I dealt with) would have NEVER had the balls to say that kind of junk out loud to me!! 

I need advice! What do I do?? Current situation No Phone and Closely supervised. But he has to go to school! 

Rags's picture

The anonymity of electronic communication has made kids stupid beyond measure. They don't have to learn to converse and the video game mentality has made them believe that any mistake they make they will just get a reset and to just keep playing.

I would tell this girls parents.  No need serving her up as a sacrifice to this pukeworthy punk and his pervy crap.   I would just cut your losses and keep his phone.  Give him one of those 4number emergency kid phones where he can push one of four preprogramed buttons that call you, his dad, 911 or your home phone. 

If he can't behave reasonably then box him in and deliver a miserable existance until he either launches or catches a clue. Whichever comes first. If he doesn't catch a clue before he launches in a few years then he can finish growing up on his own time and his own dime.

I get that teens, both male and female,  are discovering their sexuality and it is hormonally and emotionally intense for both boys and girls.  No more so for one than the other. 

Back in the day this was navigated with some discretion. Sneeking a PlayBoy or PentHouse out from under mom and dad's bed, repeatedly pausing and rewinding the VHS to catch a fleeting glimpse of a hot actresses/actors hot bits, sneeking out for a make out session with a neighborhood friend with benefits or a GF or BF, playing strip poker, spin the bottle or naked in the dark flashlight tag with the 3-4 years older hot baby sitter from up the street when you were not quite old enough to watch your 6yrs younger brother when mom and dad were out for date night..  

As digital connectivity has advanced the equivelent of that process now would be sneaking onto a porn site in private and sneeking out for a make out session with the neighborhood friend with benefits or a BF or GF.  The overt in your face "talk dirty to me" Q&A sessions are inappropriate for a 15yo. When he is in college or beyond then he and his future SOs can work out their intimate dynamics. But under your roof, you set and enforce the boundaries.  If you and DH keep having the parents of the focus of his affections remove their daughters from his radar screen eventually he will run out of possible young women to victimize, his reputation will proceed him and he won't get access to young women/victims until he launches.  I would also season the school administraition and his teachers to his behaviors.  Public humiliation is a great motivator for changed behaviors.

Good luck.

Survivingstephell's picture

The boys learn what they are taught in this country.  Do not fail any girl that he comes in contact with.  So unfair to put her in that situation knowing your nephew has little control.  

I don't see you on the "other side".  You are on the side of bringing up a man who respects women. As you brought up a woman who respects herself.   We need more of them and I wish you luck with yours.