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SD19 - I'm Walking On Eggshells

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

SD19 has been home from college since before Christmas. Only a week to go. I avoid her like the plague. She is entitled and is a raging lunatic when anyone ASKS her to do something around the house. So, DH and I don't ask much of her, in order to keep it calm. Over the past two weeks, I have noticed the utensils with crud still on them when they come out of the dishwasher. I make sure to put these at SD19's place setting on the rare occasions we all sit down to dinner (maybe once a week).

The other week, I opened her bedroom door and saw Christmas wrapping paper, trash, water bottles, coffee mugs....everywhere. I have been going through DH lately and I tell HIM to check her room. He looked in there last night and told her to move things off of the floor so she could vacuum it this weekend. She whined in protest. Nothing happened.

Today, SD19 and DH are out at the movies and I peeked in her room. Anything that I pay for needs to be handled, in my opinion. That means food and utensils, mugs, etc. need to be cleaned and wrappers disposed of when you are done. Not a month later by DH when you are back at school. Upon looking in her room, there were a half dozen water bottles on the floor next to her laptop that we bought her for HS graduation. So glad she is taking care of it.

I took all of the water bottles, including one that was mostly full, and tossed them on her bed. I took the laptop and tossed it on her bed. I took a coffee mug that she had eaten ice cream with hot fudge on top from, and tossed it on her bed. THAT one has been in there for three weeks. There was a box of Cheez-Its on the floor, FULL, so I tossed that on her bed. I took two gift bags full of trash and Christmas paper and tossed them on her bed.

I have never done this before and I am pissed and nervous all at once. She comes home where we feed her and keep a roof over her head for free and then she ruins things that are SHARED things. Food, utensils. The laptop has a high dollar value on it and she treats it like crap.

SD19 is probably BPD and ODD but never went to therapy long enough for anything besides worrying about the size of her ass. DH is a Disney Dad and she doesn't listen to him. DH even paid her airfare last week so SD19 could GO to Disney and meet a friend for a few days. LOL When DH and SD19 get home, I think I will tell her that I put some things on her bed that need to be taken care of, and leave it at that.

Then WW3 will begin and DH MAY say that he told her about this before, but he won't be harsh enough. I have to remember that less is more with these narcissistic entitled SDs. I'll just keep repeating that she "needs to take care of those things." If she bitches then I'll tell her not to use anything from our kitchen because she doesn't take care of it, and that she can buy her own food. She will be throwing a full-on tantrum by then, DH will be pissed at me, and I will still be the bad guy, just because a 19yo brat can't clean up after herself.

Oh well. My house, my rules, chickadee. Any advice? My stomach is in my throat already.

~ Moon

Indigo's picture

Moon, good for you. I bet that your stomach is churning a bit anticipating conflict.

You help pay for utilities, mortgage, insurance, food ... someone purchased that silverware and the mugs ... Course you could have picked up everything on the floor, clothes, silverware etc and put them in black trashbags at the curb. Wasteful? Yup. Will it get the point across ? Maybe.

SO has hidden all of his everyday silverware and only uses plastic since SGD used to throw away the silverware rather than wash it.

Justme54's picture

It is one thing to NOT be a clean freak and be somewhat messy at times. However, adult skids being lazy, nasty PIGS is not cool. Send her ass to the curb! Tell her to find her own play pen to be a pig.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Thank you all. BM has been 6 feet under for two years, so there is nowhere else for SD19 (or SD13) to go. I have the joy of having them FT. SD19 is the type who will yell back at DH and I, and say she "doesn't have to do" this or that.

I think it's time I go Rambo on her if the situation calls for it. DH certainly won't do it. I would LOVE to tell her to stay at school or with her boyfriend over break. BTW, I didn't create this monster, DH did. I have refused to put forth the energy to try and fix her. It would be impossible. Today just might be my meltdown day.

What's she going to do? Hate me and run out the door? Mission accomplished! }:) And DH will stand there, calmly telling me not to look in her room. To which I will reply that the food we pay for is used by her, the dishes are never cleaned up. I know she will try to put that dried-up hot fudge ice cream coffee mug right in the dishwasher without scrubbing it. That crap won't come off. I have found spoons in the drawer with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup on them. I told DH that I would start putting away the dishes every time she is home from college. I can go to Costco and buy a case of paper plates and plastic utensils lol.

I told DH yesterday NOT to buy ice cream because she can't clean up after herself. Fucking pain my ass. Entitled, disrespectful skid! Get out of my house already! Yes, I know this entirely DH's fault, but I can only be quiet for so long.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

LOL Cat, I thought about that with the laptop, too. We have also paid for her cell phone since 2009. I put blocks on it this past summer and she got lost driving home from the beach. LOL she ripped through the dataplan and I locked her down. She still doesn't know why her phone didn't work. When DH was out of town, too. She is a spoiled imp and they will be home any minute. I just think it's a waste of time and energy dealing with these knuckleheads I married into. I have been reminding DH more lately of what an enabler he is. I asked him why he served SD13 veggies if he wasn't going to make her eat them? Why ask SD19 to vacuum her room and not follow through?

DH has had a great day at the movies with SD19 and SD13 has kept to herself in the house. I think they are pulling up now. I am going to tell her that her room needs to be cleaned of trash and food, and dishes need to be scrubbed before loading them into the dishwasher. I just lose my temper when she gets disrespectful. I have to remember to breathe and be firm.


Also, if I threw away everything that was on the floor, she would have nothing. She lives out of bags when she is here. I didn't touch her clothes because I didn't pay for any of them. But the food, water and kitchen items? THAT pisses me off.

Garage door just went up. I'm going in! }:) }:) }:)

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Ooh I did GOOD! She started throwing things and said I was talking behind her back. DH stood up for me and told her to act 19. He reminded her that he asked her the same thing yesterday, to clean her room, which she didn't, and she was not mean to him. I only pushed her door back open when she cussed at DH. More later. She's crying like a baby. Poor fee fees muss be huwt. I even picked up the hot fudge coffee mug and turned it upside down. The spoon was stuck in it. I also told her I touched nothing of hers except for the laptop. She's mad because I got glitter on her bed with a bag I put on there, and now she'll have to wash her sheets! :jawdrop: They haven't been washed since July. LOL She even said she couldn't take this anymore and she was going back to school early.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Lol now she's locking DH out of her room and he's trying to put light bulbs in her ceiling fan. She doesn't like sweeping wif the lights out.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Lol now she's locking DH out of her room and he's trying to put light bulbs in her ceiling fan. She doesn't like sweeping wif the lights out.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

We have keys so DH just let's himself in. She is a lazy, enabled dumbass who is acting like a 1st grader. DH asked why I just didn't ask her to straighten up. I reminded him that HE asked her that yesterday and she did ZERO. I reminded him that she doesn't like anyone asking her to do anything, so it has to come from him. He's the only one who can help.

DH and I are calmly talking and I don't care if she hears me. I told him that he made her the way she is, and if she doesn't change, she'll be here until she's 40. He said no to that, and I said so she'll move out someday and won't be able to do for herself. She'll be calling DH for everything.

I told him that she needs to knock it off or else. I reminded him that I remained very calm when I spoke to her. I told DH that if she doesn't change, then....I waved bye-bye. She will have to go somewhere else. I told him we put a roof over her head and take care if her and all we want is for her to throw HER trash out and clean what she messes up. He started making excuses for her and I cut him short. Told him to knock it off already and for her to grow up.

It was a calm conversation, he just doesn't want to hear SD19 bitch.

Oh well, DH, too late for that.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Is it bad to say that I feel victorious? Lol. I think it's because I don't care about her as much as I used to. SD19 is a shit, and she can continue being a shit, just not in my house.

She is still sulking in her room on her free phone and laptop. Little shit can stay in there. I told SD13 to steer clear of big sis because she wasn't happy with DH and I. Because we asked her to clean her room.

You know DH took all of the bottles and the dirty mug OFF of her bed before SD19 saw it all there? LMAO He said he didn't want her unmade bed to get dirty.

I told him she hadn't washed her sheets since the summer. I also said I didn't want to hear about bugs in her room. She still hasn't cleaned up the bottles or mug. They are still on her floor where DH put them.

She "just can't take this anymore " and is feeling traumatized by the idea of cleaning. I told DH I didn't know what she couldn't take anymore. I never talk to her much and when I do, I'm pleasant.

~ Moon

winefrenzy's picture

I am in complete agreement that this is a situation that would piss me off, but. . .some of the passive agressive tendencies on the part of the adults need to stop as well. This sermon is for me too, because I have been known to do it as well. Putting dirty silverware at her place, putting stuff on her bed, etc just screams immaturity. Clearly and calmly tell her that she can go as soon as her room is cleaned up. If she wants to go to the store or over to a friend's house or whatever, she doesnt leave until it's done

Just wondering since I will have a college bound stepdaughter soon, have you considered making her room an office/sewing room/guest room this year? I think Iit sends a huge message to kids that you are moving on with your life just as they are.

Good luck to you and lots of strength!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I can't do shit because DH has her back. I have slowly been working on DH for the past 6 months. I am getting my house back and speaking up for what is mine. If it rocks the boat, well fuck you. I work FT and have a shit load of health problems. But I do the right thing. I need to do right by myself.

DH said we would talk later. I am going to insist on House Rules for Princess for summer break. Or any other break.

I will make her life hell and make sure she launches. To hear her say "I cant take this anymore," when no one has asked SHIT of her is just pathetic.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Princess still hasn't removed the trash from her room.

Such drama.

I keep giggling to myself because she kept saying, "I just want someone to be nice to me," over and over. I wonder if her newly purchased sorority sisters are seeing her true colors?

DH and I were both calm with her on two different occasions this weekend when asking her to clean her room.

I recorded the audio yesterday and you can hear her mewling back to DH from the other side of the house! I'm going to stop being weak and speak up more. I handled yesterday with grace in the face of a snotty skid. I'll tell DH that if she stays here this summer, she needs to go to therapy for her "Woe is me" syndrome and anger issues.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Oh believe me, we keep the door shut, but for once DH asked her to clean her room. He had stopped to ask her something and commented on her sty. The funny part was DH saying he didn't want her bed to get dirty, so he put the bottles on the floor lol! Then SD19 started bitching that we got GLITTER all over her bed from a gift bag Bwahahaha! I put the bag right side up on the bed. Not my problem if you had glitter all in the bottom of it. Gosh! Maybe you'll wash your sheets now, SD19! DH told her to knock it off after the glitter problem.

What really disturbs me is SD19 throwing something across the room. I think it was the box of Cheez-Its that I put in her bed. She is a horse's ass. I hope she's miserable at what she's become. She's slowly losing ground with DH as he sees how ridiculous and self-absorbed she is. The skid needs serious help but heaven forbid if I bring up THAT topic again!

Heh-heh }:)

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Well if she had thrown her glitter shit out on Friday when the trash was collected, we wouldn't have that problem, now would we?

She tried to defend herself and said she had cleaned her room the first time when DH asked on Saturday. She proceeded to hold up a trash bag for a kitchen can, full of paper. I was thinking to myself, "Wow, SD19, it's GREAT that you put paper in three or four different bags in your ROOM, but could you take it the fuck downstairs so that it might actually make it's way to the curb?"

DH asked later why I had to bring anything up and I reminded him that if we waited until NEXT weekend, when she was going back to school, it would never get done. DH shut up after that one.

I went out today and did my own thing. When I got home, the SDs were out. I looked in SD19's room.

IT'S PERFECTLY CLEAN. You could hold an aerobics class in there. Not one thing out on her floor. It's all tucked away neatly in the corner by her closet.

Damn, I hope she isn't permanently scarred by the unGodly request that DH and I made of her! LOL }:) }:) }:) }:)

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Believe me, notasm, I gave DH a taste of what was to come. I told him we were going to make House Rules for summer. You know, since she's only 19 and has such trouble figuring out what is expected of a normal human being. I told DH I'm not living like this anymore.

~ Moon