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SD15 has a big attitude...hubby doesn't see it...

Manda's picture

15 year old step-daughter has a HUGE attitude and I can't deal with it. I find excuses to get out of the house when we have the kids because she is unbearable. If she was my own kid, I would have smacked her already. The way she talks to everyone is disgusting. And she is lazy beyond lazy! She doesn't pick up after herself, her room is digusting and it pisses me off. I refuse to pick up after her mess....so instead of her father telling her to pick up after herself he does it. It's like she's a little princess and doesn't do anything to earn the title. How do I deal? The past couple of weeks I've made sure that when she is here I make plans with family or friends...but DH is getting a hint I think. I wish the kids would be with their skank of a mother more than us!

bronxmom's picture

I share your pain. I have been dating bf for almost five years. Most people would be living together but I can't stand his SD. Same as yours. When I met her she was sixteen, she is 21 now and still the same and all he does is make excuses like he did five years ago. Not one redeeming quality in her. She looks like a runway model when she leave the house, except her room and bathroom are a total pig sty. I am sure the bathrooms in Times Square are cleaner than hers. Toilet paper rolls empty just left on the floor as if she has some sort of cleaning service on hand to pick up after her. I just wish his family and neighbors who think she is a "shining star" could see the real person I have had the pleasure of sometimes living with. She once left her dirty dishes (I refuse to clean up after her) in the sink for the entire labor day weekend. She once talked back to bf and I sat there watching him just take it and I wanted to say get some "XXXX" and stand up to her. But nothing, ever to this day and she is 21 and still running the show. Just writing all this makes me so angry. We have broken up twice because I just can't take it and honestly I wrote in here and the response was to basically run. I do the same thing make excuses to not wanting to be at his house. I work a part time job on the weekends and my co-workers call it my "temple of solice" . All I can say is that if she is anything like my SD its not going to change even when she gets older...Its hard to try to talk to our SO's when the think that the sun shines on the precious little "girls" I have basically given up. You have a different situation in that you are married. Someone suggested to my to try "therapy" and I would have it he wasn't so clueless about her. It's just not worth it to me but it may help for you. Even it at first you just go yourself to vent. Good luck!!

pete1972's picture

I know where you're coming from... I keep hoping it will get easier and SD will grow up but no sign of it yet. Just seems to be getting worse. I have no advice for you Manda. All I can say is that you are not alone.
It helps being on here and knowing that other people are experiencing the same things but to be honest I have never found an answer. Just feel like running away and it makes me very sad to think that I wouldn't even be missed... Sad

Jsmom's picture

Baby steps here do work. But, for me it had to be a drastic meltdown in front of DH and then a complete disengaging from SD. Well it all worked out for me, she lives with BM and we have no relationship with her. I didn't want that for DH, but honestly nothing was going to work with SD and when she sued us to live with BM it made the drama and arguments leave my house. DH didn't fight it, and actually made her leave before the case got to court. She was pure evil after she sued us...

alwaysanxious's picture

Join the teenage SD party. Its a great place to be :sick:

Right now, SD16's room has empty drink cans, large dust balls and kleenex under her bed, and a bowl of sunflower seed shells. I'm sure it could be worse, but its messy and gross when you see it. Her father will clean up after her. I'm disengaged, so I say nothing. I shut the door and don't look at it.

Interestingly, SO shut the door this time to her room. Normally he keeps the doors open. Hmmm
We will see if he cleans this last mess up. He has a busy week. Even though I'm disengaged I am tempted to tell him he is not to clean her room. She must do it.

As far as the attitude... I'm right there with you. Dirty looks, rude responses to everything I say. Oh and the huffing. I have thought about asking her if she needs an inhaler.

I literally ignore her. If she speaks to me properly I respond to her. Otherwise, I don't look at her, I don't talk to her, nothing. I don't laugh at her stupid jokes or goofing off. I act as though she isn't in the room.

She did speak to me a few times this weekend. I stayed very neutral. Short answers on point, nothing extra.

You are doing good staying out. The other thing you need to do is make sure she realizes this is your home. I stay in the common areas and that makes HER go to HER room to stay away from me. Instead of me being away or hiding. Its my house. I don't have to do that. Invite people over when she is there too. Smile

dalhia's picture

im in a similar situation and im alsoo going to the movies a lot lately!! i get out of hte house and try not to pay that much attention to the attitute, the mess, the bla bla. im working really hard at putting the energy on me (my work, my hobbies, chats with friends, takea massage when i have $$, do my nails, take a long walk, etc), on my husband (spend good times with him (tell bad jokes, watch a very scary movie, take him out for dinner etc) and i also put my energy on my bioson...simply trying ot be the best mom in the world. when i manage to concentrate on all this, i find that im less upset at mad dark SD12 because im spending my energy i na BETTER way. just keep my distance fro mthe bad, and get closer to the good...it helps, it is not the solution but life gets better that way