SD problems
This is my first time posting here so let me give some background. I've been married to H for about 7 yrs and we get along fine. I have two kids from previous marriages and he has 2 kids from 1 previous marriage. My 17 yr old bio D lives with us FT and to her H is DAD. My 10 yr old bio S is here PT and to him H is DAD and he don't want to be over at his bio dads all time cause of his SM.
Now 15 yr old SS doesn't live with us anymore cause honestly he wasn't happy here and wanted to be back where we used to live (one county over) so he lives with my MIL FT and visits us and his bio mom occasionally as he has a full schedule with extracurricular activities. We had issues with him also cause he has issues with taking orders from women other than MIL. Basically get more results from asking him to do things than telling him. We have an even relationship with him with very little issues.
The one we have ALOT of problems with right now is my 13 yr old SD. She lived with her bio mom (same month as SS) until 2018 when DSS removes her due to so many problems and her threats of suicide. Only reason she wasn't committed was because we took her in and promised to monitor her. Things were fine for awhile even though bio mom kept stating the problem was SD was looking for attention and that we would see soon enough.
SD gradually started pushing the boundaries and began not doing chores, being rude, and being blantant in her disrespect. We honestly were nervous to discipline due to DSS being involved but have now gotten past that fear.
She constantly back talks, she won't leave things alone, she refuses to see anyone for counseling. I have appointment next Thursday set up that she is going to regardless of how she feels. We had a huge blow up other night and it came down to me basically telling her if she didn't like the rules then she could carry her butt back to her momma and I was done dealing with the attitude and drama. I told H I would NOT make him choose between us but Inwas distancing myself from her for my own peace of mind. Yes I was childish I guess and blocked her on FB and messenger cause I didn't want to see her drama posts or receive any messages other than what I had to deal with at home. She has realized this and now we had big blow up tonight, while H is at a sleep study, and was told that it's my issue and that obviously I'm the one with problem.
Y'all I am at my witts end. Idk what to do. I literally dread coming home cause of her. I work 2 jobs to make ends meet. H is disabled. I have nowhere else to turn. H is supportive and honestly is fed up also and ready to beat her butt every time she starts in. I cringe just seeing her come in my door or when I get home.
Advice much appreciated!!
Welcome to the site!
In my opinion you are handling things well, although you may be privately tearing your hair out. You are not being childish in not wanting to view drama laden social media posts, blocking is sensible. If your DH and you are on the same page with regard to SD, that is another positive. Like you, I distanced myself from my two SDs - it was years before I found this site and realised it had a name - ie disengagement. How does your DH respond to his daughter's bad behaviour?
Thank you!
He gets on her for the behavior as well and she acts same way but says it's all my fault for how the household treats her because I am the one that points out when she is in the wrong. I get on all the kids when they are in wrong but because she CONSTANTLY does things it does look like I am singling her out. DH and I both unite against the problem. If we have issue with how other acted we talk in private. We defiantly don't let kids see us disagree on treatment.
This is too much for you
This is too much for you two to handle right now. I'm sorry but I would have her committed to a mental hospital for a while. It's either that or sending her to some sort of bootcamp. If the state took her out of her mom's home then she can't go back there. I know your H loves her but this is way too much for you. Pray about it! That girl needs Jesus!
Similar situation here with a
Similar situation here with a SD17, BM says she is suicidal and it's our fault bc you know the 4 days a month we spoil the hell out of her are just immortal hell. I feel for you since she is in your house full time. Sounds like you are doing everything right to me. Keep up not putting up with disrepect and only engage when absolutley necessary, also remmeber you and your husband are ont eh same team. Thats great, it took mine years to finally understand and get on board with no disrepect at our home.
I feel your pain. I will not
I feel your pain. I will not live with SD because of her mental issues. I have written her off as a lost cause because of her BM. I do not however keep my opinion to myself my SO is very aware of my opinions.
Let DH follow through on
Let DH follow through on "beating her butt". Turn off her phone, take her clothes other than some particularly humiliating garmets, etc.... See how she like public humiliation, and living in a state of abject misery.
You are far more experienced than she is so get focused and apply misery liberally until she pulls her head out of her ass. Or.... let her be committed which is what probably should have happened in the first place.