SD hates me now
I posted this in another forum. I hope that's ok??? I'm just looking for as many opinions/suggestions as I can get.
I have been in my SD's life for 7 years. She's now 17 years old. I've always been close to her (or so I thought). We watched certain TV shows together, went to movies, looked up colleges and scholarships, went prom dress shopping. All sorts of things. A few months back, we found out she wasn't doing her schoolwork and was failing multiple classes. My husband got after her and told her she would be grounded all summer. (This was about the 3 or 4th time she's done this.) It was like someone flipped a switch, and she turned into a different kid overnight. She left the house while my husband and I were both at work. We didn't know where she was. It turns out that she called her mom to come get her. (We had full custody.) She's now living w/ her mom full time. She said she hates me and her dad. She said I am not her family. She said she was always uncomfortable and miserable at our house. All sorts of really nasty stuff. She came over to our house a few mos ago while I was at work. They talked about things a little bit. He told her that she was wrong and that I didn't deserve any of that. She told him she regrets everything she said and did. He told her it's up to her to reach out and make amends to me. When she said she didn't know how to, he told her to start by opening up the lines of communications. I thought maybe she'd text me to get the ball rolling, but I never heard from her.
Since school started, we've gone to some of her sporting events. It's much easier for my husband to forgive her, because of the whole unconditional love thing. It's not so easy for me. The hard part for me is that in my head I know that it's his daughter and he will love her no matter what. But my heart hurts, because I feel like any time he talks to her (which is rare) or we go to one of her events, it's like telling her that what she said/did is no big deal. It's like giving her permission to treat me that way. Part of me feels betrayed by the fact that he still wants to see her and talk to her. I know that's not right to think that way, but I can't help it. I'm sorry this is so long. I guess I'm just looking for help in how to deal w/ not feeling betrayed.