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This one is too good!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

How long was it that I speculated it would be before HHB did something really stupid?

HHB called just moments ago in tears! She was out with emo friend, and the two of them thought it would be a grand idea for HHB to drive emo friend's car!!! HHB is she does not have a permit...has not taken any drivers' ed classes. As you are probably guessing by now, something bad happened! HHB hit a parked car!! The cops came, and she was issued two for driving without a license, and I forget what the other is for. Two citations and damage to the other vehicle? Talk about expensive!!! I already told DH to be ready for BM to ask for more child support to cover it all. DH said, "Good luck with that! Her mom is the one who let her go hang out with the girl!" He even told HHB on the phone that it sounded like she needs to find a job!

Unfortunately, HHB is coming this weekend...ugh! And of course DH will not give consequences she will get two days free of punishment! I did make it perfectly clear that HHB was NOT moving back here...especially after this!! She needs to lay in the bed she has made this time! And DH wonders why I'm as serious as I am about all keys to all vehicles being kept in our bedroom at all times when we are not going somewhere! Hello, because I knew HHB was capable of doing something just like this, and I wasn't about to have to foot the bill for this kind of trouble!

twoviewpoints's picture

In my state this stunt would now prohibit SD from obtaining a drivers license under at least age 18 ( and that would be after mandatory driver school in a private licensed drivers school and not HS drivers ed...which of course, private is much more expensive place to take it)

Oh, well. Probably a good thing this kid won't be on the roads for a while.

I wonder if the friend's car is covered by a policy that covers anyone who may be driving it? Not that SD deserves a break in cost, but the car's owner could be denied coverage on this accident as she allowed an underage non-licensed driver drive the car. Just my opinion, but all the girls should have to chip in on fixing the damaged cars. Kids. They can be such brainless creatures. At least no one was physically hurt in their stupidity this time.

ctnmom's picture

Same thing happened in Harvey's Lake PA years ago- Disney dad let 15yo DD drive his car around the lake, she plowed into 2 couples in their 60's killing 3 of them. The surviving man had been married to his dead wife for 40 years. :O

Jsmom's picture

Let me tell you the consequences here. She can't get her license until 18 here for this. Her friend, loses her insurance and your SD is on a list of non-insurable people. She can get insurance but she will pay a fortune for it. Also, if your insurance finds out, she will be on your cards as a non-insured driver. I had two accidents before 18 and my parents insurance had me on their cards are non-covered driver for years. They finally removed it when I was 30 years old. Now it has been years since a ticket or accident and my parents still have to have that conversation with their carriers. It still comes up as a family joke. I had vision problems and it wasn't discovered that I had corneal dystrophy until the 2nd accident.

My sister is an attorney for the largest insurance carrier and has told us again and again what happens if the boys do something. GA Law on friends in the car when driving is 6 month before they can have a non-family member in the car and 18 months before 2 kids. If you break these laws it is an automatic suspension. My SD lost her license here after two accidents. One texting while driving. We don't know all the facts, just we have seen on Twitter. Thank god, they took her license. She bragged about two accidents, just in the short time she was back in our lives.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I my state, it is the the driver that is insured...not the car. I know this for fact, as I was hit years ago by a guy driving his friend's SUV to the end point of a marathon his friend was in. After they argued, because of this fact, the insurance company of the driver ended up having to pay my claim. The insurance company will argue this point if the owner of the parked car tries to go after emo friend's insurance company. Now, also in my state, IF BM and SF had been buying instead of renting their home, and had homeowner's insurance, the owner of the parked car could actually ask for payment from the homeowner's insurance.

Right now it sounds like no one is making a very big deal about it, but they are in for a rude awakening! DH is babying his princess right now...called her back after a bit last night and asked her if she got yelled at, is she okay, etc. Supposedly, BM and SF didn't yell at her, just told her she needs to figure out a way to pay for it. I have a feeling everyone over there is in for a very rude awakening!!! 1) in our state, this prevents HHB from getting a drivers' license now until possibly 21, as they raised the age in our state for when you can get a license without drivers' edcucation. 2) Emo friend loses her licesnse, and cannot get it back until 18 or 21. 3) BM and SF can get sued...luckily it was a parked car with no one in both the owner of the parked car AND emo friend's parents for the damage to that car (again, because in this state, it is the driver who is responsible, not the car owner). 4) SF's insurance may go up dramatically simply because HHB lives in his home, and already has one instance of this mess. This last one is another reason I can use for her to NEVER move into our home! I have a sports car that is a modern classic (limited production) which used to be my daily driver a few years ago until I paid it me, our insurance would go through the roof unless I got rid of that car, which I shouldn't be forced to do because HHB can't follow the LAW!

As for the owner of the parked car trying to come after DH, that is unlikely. I didn't say not possible, but not likely. None of the court orders were ever changed when HHB moved it with was all via verbal agreement. So, if you look at the paper trail, BM is primarily responsible for the child!! Though DH is her parent, as well...the courts around here tend to lean on the person actually responsible for the child. In the court order, DH has so little time with HHB...he is basically and ATM per the court order...the courts will assign influence and responsibility with the person who has the child. If the owner of the parked car did try to come after DH for anything, DH could then turn around and sue BM himself, as it was her responsibility to supervise the minor child! As for the citations, depending on if it were the county or city that gave the tickets, they may all have some options. Because HHB is under 16 still, there are options that do not require money for the fines. However, don't think that HHB is getting off easy!!! Girl may end up having to quit color guard after all, as it may be very difficult to attend practices while she is completing court ordered community service and tutoring! And let's not forget the job to pay for the other person's damage, and at $7.25 an hour, depending on the damage, she could have to work a year before that is even closed to being paid off!

DH knows how strongly I feel about HHB not moving back with us right now. I plan on making it even more clear while she is hear this weekend! I can promise you she will be sucking up to dear daddy with kindness!! I better keep a puke bag handy! Nice thing is, we have a church conference this weekend...a guest speaker is coming in to do a Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday morning thing. So, that means HHB getting dragged to fun for her! Wonder how much faking she is going to do...yes, she is one of those that fakes stuff for attention, and to make everyone believe that she is saved and all that! It typically happens after being in trouble. Regardless, it is sweetness to me knowing the kids is going to be stuck at church ALL weekend instead of sitting at the house on electronics or in front of a TV snuggling up to DH having a pity party! Anyway, girl needs Jesus! LOL

Oh, and I also found out last night the girl still isn't actually in school! BM lost her birth certificate, and had to send DH down to vital statistics yesterday to get a replacement, because she was "too sick to leave the house"! They also don't seem to have any proof of residence lying around...can't find the lease, a utility bill, etc. Yeah, wonder how much trouble BM will get for that one! Girl isn't in school AND is out causing havoc!!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Front row, baby!! All 3 sessions!! That is where you will find me, and if DH makes her sit with me, she is going to have to sit up there and feel the fire! Girl better fall on her face and start repenting! LOL

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, I agree completely!! If she were mine to do with as I saw fit, she would have to quit guard, she would lose her phone PERMANENTLY (she can have her phone back when she can have a drivers' license legally again), she would lose internet privileges until some unknown future date, she could forget about asking to go ANYWHERE with friends for who knows how long, and if the court didn't assign community service, I would be making the girl do it! She obviously has entitlement she is above the law and should be able to do whatever she wants when she wants. I would be making that girl go down the soup kitchen or something like that, and have to serve stinky, smelly homeless people food and hand out blankets. I would make her go work at the food pantry. I would make her go work for Habitat for Humanity! The girl would be to busy to even think about herself any longer!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I've been doing a little research and reading this morning. Emo friend could be in some serious trouble. I double-checked something on emo friend's Facebook page. Seems the girl recently turned 18! According to the law around here...from what I've been reading...a person who knowingly allows an unlicensed driver drive their car can be hit with the brunt of the responsibility for anything that happens while that person is operating the vehicle! Of course, if the parents haven't signed over the car to the girl, they could still be held responsible themselves as the owner of the car...except that they did not give express permission to HHB to drive the car. This whole thing can get complicated and ugly real fast, and I don't envy the owner of the parked car at all! I mean, I'm fighting a battle with the guy who rear-ended me 3 weeks ago, and that is a cut and dry case of responsibility!

Even if the responsibility for the wreck does fall on emo friend or her parents by the law, there is still the matter of the citations. HHB is about to lose some free time, as it appears that minors under the age of 16 typically get court ordered tutoring and community service. I'm a bit curious about what that tutoring is all tutoring? Something related to the offense at hand (i.e., if the kid is caught drinking, some sort of alcohol class...driving violations, something like defensive driving). I do know one thing...BM better find a ride for HHB to attend this court ordered stuff, because DH cannot be taking off work all the time to play taxi to HHB for her stupidity!

Two issues involving the cops in less than a month! Man, this girl is on a role right now! Glad she moved out when she did!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Yup yup! HHB got in trouble for sneaking to meet boys and getting picked up for a curfew violation several weeks ago...right before Christmas. We handed down a just punishment...I insisted on it, though DH was of the opinion that getting picked up by the cops would be enough to scare her straight! The punishment? All electronics were taken away for an unspecified amount of time. At the very least, they would be gone all of winter break. She was also to forget about even asking about going anywhere with friends and such for the rest of break. She was also informed that this little escapade ruined her chances of getting her drivers' license and a car...that she would have to work to win back the trust as she showed an obvious disregard for the law. HHB was thinking that since she turns 16 in March, the drivers' education classes, drivers' license, and a car were a given right!

Girl did not like the punishment handed down to her. DH dropped her off at BM's Christmas Eve as previously agreed. He gets a call Christmas Day from BM accusing all of us for being too hard on HHB, making HHB feel worthless and 2 inches tall, etc. BM informs DH that the girl is moving back with her effective immediately, and they will be around at some point to get her stuff. That means that HHB was immediately let out of her punishment, as BM didn't see the need to punish her (like DH didn't feel the need to punish her when she was sent to us by BM when the girl skipped school to smoke pot).

So, punishment by the parents, and HHB still thinks she can do whatever she wants! Bad thing is, being "first offense" (as there is no official record of any of the other stuff), the judge will probably let the girl off easy...and it is obvious, so is BM! Yup, phone records still show HHB spending all day on the phone because she is still not in school (HHB told DH last night that BM and SF cannot find anything to show proof of residence). Social media posts indicate that she still has internet access, and the nature of the posts show the girl has no remorse...going on with life as usual! And DH is picking her up tonight to come for a visit for the weekend! Think I will be locking my bedroom door to just to make sure she can't get to my keys while I sleep!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

DH is in extreme denial! His wake up call should have been when his princess got caught smoking pot the first time, if not the second! In possession of alcohol at school at age 13. Smoked pot first time at 13. Got in trouble for skipping school to smoke pot right after her 14th birthday! Add to that all the other questionable stuff in between, and now these recent events, and how can one not see that their kid has some serious issues that require some serious action? But no...he still talks to her calmly, more concerned about how she sees herself in all of this. He keeps going on and on and on about how she has a low self-esteem, how she looks down on herself, etc. He thinks this is all her trying to find herself! OH MY FRACKING GODDNESS!!! REALLY? A kid trying to find themselves wears strange clothes, they change their hair color every other day, they write crazy poetry, etc. I mean, Bark's SD who wants to wear boy clothes and have a boy haircut...that is a kid trying to find themself!

No, HHB's actions are that of a person who thinks they are above everything...that doesn't sound like low self-esteem to me! I mean, this girl has every symptom of narcissism there is! She always talks about how better she is than other people. She has to be the center of attention (even if she hates you, you better still show up to her events to watch her perform...and she has been in it all...choir, theater, dance, cheerleading, color guard). If she doesn't get her way, you will face her wrath...she will sick BM on you to cuss you out and do whatever else she has to in order to make your life miserable until you give in. Girl can't be near a mirror without staring at herself, and we will not go into her obsession with selfies! Low self-esteem my ass! That is just a card she plays when she is trying to get people to feel sorry for her so she can get out of trouble or get attention! The girl thinks she is above the rules...and above the law! When she lived here, she was always defying the rules! Keep your shower to 15 minutes...she would keep the water running in there for 45 minutes to an hour! No electronics in the bathroom when you shower, yet you would always hear music blaring from the bathroom. No texting during school hours, yet her phone records would show her texting it up all day. Don't use this app or that app...remove them from your devices, but she would keep using them, and make the excuse that she forgot when caught. Clean up after yourself, yet she would leave her crap all over the place, and not even so much as rinse a dish to put in the dishwasher...then there were the constant crumbs and jelly on the counter. Eat will never notice. Get off the phone at 11 p.m. and go to sleep...oh, dad locked down the phone...that's what those forbidden apps on devices are for. No butt shorts outside of the bedroom...yeah, everyone must really want to see your ass out the bottom of your shorts so just keep wearing them!

And all this recent stuff? I've suspected HHB of shoplifting for some time now. I know she doesn't have money, and I was pretty certain that BM wasn't giving her money. There was still that slim chance that SF was giving her money or something, but things that have come up since tell me there is no way SF was giving her money. Yet, things like lacy thongs, extra make-up, beanies, etc. kept showing up that I know we didn't buy her, and I was pretty certain BM would not get her. Every time HHB was going to BM's, there was an unsupervised trip to the mall with friends! I suspect shoplifting even more now!!!

The plus side to all of this? If HHB is tied up with community service and having to get a job to pay for the damage, that should put a hamper on weekend visits. Hopefully they will be few and far between!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I KNOW the friend is aware that she does not have a learner's permit! This is NO secret!

But if you recall, the emo friend is the one who has professed herself a lesbian on her Facebook page, and who had several posts making me wonder if she and HHB had a "thing" going...the same friend that insisted that HHB go with her to her homecoming dance at a school HHB did not go to. The girl used to be here at our house all the time, and then abruptly stopped coming over...about the same time that HHB started "dating Robbie". This was followed with all these posts on emo friend's page about how much HHB hurt much she missed her...that she wanted only to hear her voice and all this other crap one usually says about someone they are into. Since HHB moved out of the house, they have been hanging out every day again...HHB even spending several days over the girl's house during winter break.

So, if you look at all of that...I mean, think about a guy trying to impress a girl he likes. They have been known to make some really stupid decisions. Put emo friend in place of that guy, and yeah..."Ooooo...let me drive!"..."Sure (as she thinks she is winning brownie points with the girl she wants to get with)!"

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Consulted a couple of attorneys today, and my insurance.

The verdict is that emo friend's parents insurance has to pay for the damage to emo friend's car (if they want to fix it) and to the parked car. The only possible way for our insurance to take a hit is if damage is more than $25,000, which is the minimum liability that emo friend's parents has to carry. As was explained to me, though the parents can try to say that they did not give permission to HHB to drive the car, it would be considered that they gave implicit permission by giving their daughter (who is the one who gave the permission to HHB) to have control of the vehicle! Seeing as the incident happened in BM's neighborhood, and the only cars you see parked on the street there are crappy ones (there are a couple of folks who have nice cars, but they are smart and keep them in their garages), it is highly doubtful the damage to the parked car will exceed $25,000!

Though I was pretty sure that this would not bite us, there was still that slim chance that I had to verify and set right in my mind so I wouldn't worry about this. Their stance on the issue...girl does not have a permit or license and does not live in our home...not our problem!

I relayed this information to DH, and told him that I did look up the consequences for the citations. I told him don't be surprised if he gets asked to play taxi to HHB when she gets ordered tutoring and community service, and to expect a call from BM that they need a ride to court because BM has to be present in court with HHB as the custodial parent (looked at the court order today, and BM worded it that she is HHB's SOLE legal DH cannot represent HHB in court). DH said, "Oh well! I guess _____ (BM) will need to get off of her butt, get a drivers' license, and get a car! HHB just had to live with her, so now that is her problem!"

Now, on to the weekend and making HHB's life miserable!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Awww...supposedly HHB is sick, and now won't be coming over this weekend! Who wants to join me in singing a great big HALLELUJAH!

Though, this does take away my fun to watching the girl squirm and church, and making her life miserable at every turn (was already planning on having sudden budget issues so we couldn't eat out, but had to eat at home...she hates healthy food).

rahrah2019's picture

Wow. I like to follow this train wreck. Many times (due to being at work), I can't comment; but I have read every post about your SD. I have to admit, I didn't think she would go down this fast. I'm glad for you that it sounds like your DH isn't going to give in to the pleas.

And if my DH ever considered for a moment loading up his vehicle with BM and SS for any reason, I'd turn my bitch on big time. You think you're going to parade around like you're one big happy family? Oh hell no. She's an adult. She can figure out how to get to court.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I didn't think it would be this fast, or for that matter, this big! I thought it would be something like 3-4 months from now she gets caught smoking pot again or sneaking SF's tequila. Don't get me wrong...I knew she was capable of something like this. It caused a huge fight between DH and me one time when I got upset about him leaving the key to my SUV on the coffee table in the TV room. He could not believe that I had so little trust for HHB. His princess would NEVER try to sneak one of our cars for a joyride! I think that is what is killing him more than anything right now...not that I was right, but that he was so wrong! He really wanted to believe in the girl!

I have learned that there has been absolutely no consequences so far for HHB! Explains why she suddenly doesn't feel well and didn't want to come over! She thought she was going to get into big trouble, in which case, our house would be an escape! Butter up to dear daddy, sit around and watch movies, etc. But if there is no punishment at home, no need to risk coming to our house and having to deal with me, or DH giving her "a talk" about "being the person she is supposed to be"!

Here is a little funny! BM called DH last night. Emo friend's dad called and supposedly needs to pay $1,000 out of pocket to fix the cars. He asked BM to split the out of pocket cost, making her share $500 (rightfully so, he is accepting half the responsibility, because his daughter was wrong in letting HHB drive her car). BM actually had the nerve to call DH and ask him for $250 for his share! He told her, "I don't see how you can say any of this is my responsibly! YOU let her go with the girl and YOU let her run away from her punishment here for the last stupid thing she did! YOU just had to have her move back in saying we were too hard on her, YOU can deal with it!" He then suggested she take the money from the child support....tell emo's father she can pay $250 this month, and $250 next month. HHB may just have to do without make-up and new clothing for a couple of months (and we aren't talking NEEDED clothing...HHB thinks she should be allowed regular mall trips just because). She wasn't too happy about this suggestion, but he made her realize she had no choice.

rahrah2019's picture

I know you said your DH told HHB that it looks like it's time for her to get a job, but this would have been the perfect opportunity to reinforce that idea with BM. These BMs have bigger balls than the men. Just knowing your situation and how there was no support from her when HBB was with you, where does she find the nerve???

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I know, right? Their screw up, but DH has to pay half in their eyes! They sign up the kid for about a billion activities that require this or that...without consulting dad, of course...and dad has to pay half of everything those activities require. Basically, BM is allowed to do whatever they want with the child, and dad is expected to pay half!! I'm waiting for that call that BM wants DH to pay half of HHB's prom dress or something stupid like that...and for THIS year, not even a prom that is hers, but BM thinking it is "cute" that an upperclassman asked HHB to prom without even considering the REAL reason why (i.e., the activities outside of prom)!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Remind me because it's been awhile, like since the summer.....but aren't you the primary bread winner in the house? Or didn't you get the training job at the gym to make ends meet? I keep thinking that you were saying DH couldn't even afford to pay child support, or get a new car, etc. over the summer. I think I remember you saying that's why you always had a budget.

So, if this is all true, DH had better NOT let that skid back into your home! If CS is going to BM and there is hardly anything left from DH's paycheck, then any extra expenses are on BM and HHB. I hope DH doesn't put blinders back on and start sliding HHB money. And I'm glad to hear that he wants BM to provide the taxi service everywhere lol! I imagine that SF might figure into this equation sometime soon!

Don't you worry about NOT being entertained at church, this weekend, just sit there and count your blessings! You are one lucky SM to not have that skid around anymore!

~ Moon

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Yes, I am the main breadwinner...and I work at the gym to help my son with extra money for school. I've made it very clear to DH that there will be no more extras for HHB! If they can't find a way to pay for it with child support, HHB doesn't need it! We had the girl for 2 years with NO financial help from BM...she never even offered! It isn't our fault the woman doesn't work...maybe it's time she start! I'm don't with any of my money going to that spawn! I'm thinking he has finally figured out that I'm done with the girl! He is also finally realizing what a case HHB is. Just a year ago, he would have caved to these requests! First DH refused to buy the color guard stuff, now he refuses to give BM money for this. Sounds like th Bank of ________ (insert our last name here) is officially closed!

Calypso1977's picture

i truly hope this lasts for ya!!! Sadly, i fear this girl will probably wind up dead, particularly if she runs with the drug crowd.