Well, surprised but not really.  SD15 has not been back all week.  DH has let things lie for the most part, he is still very angry and hurt, and wanted to let some of the dust settle.  He did text her a couple times to let her know he loves her, and finally she responded.... only to say that she is off school the Friday before Easter.  Before her drunken episode, we had made plans to take her and a friend or two to a big city that Friday to spend the night downtown in a hotel. Something she has always wanted to do, and we wanted to do something special for sweet 16.  We were going to give her some money to shop, and basically trail them through the city, letting her do what she wants to do (but not comfortable with turning teenage girls loose on their own). At this point, we are not feeling the enthusiasm anymore.  I personally was ready to call it off once I got over the shock and saw that she was going to be ok after being passed out drunk on my family room floor, but of course DH would feel bad to cancel as it is her bday gift.  I am just floored that she has ignored him except to let him know she is available for us to take her on the trip any time that day.  But that is how it has been for quite a while...she only comes here or responds when it suits her or she wants something, yet we are the ones that don't make her feel welcome. 

I think I should go along with what DH decides about the trip to support him, although she is not doing anything to make me feel any better about it.  Today DH and I decided we won't make a decision yet, we will see how the next couple weeks go.  We decided it would be a good idea to invite her to dinner this week, so he called her.  She didn't answer right away of course, but she did call him back. 

The first thing she talked about was how BM and her live in bf just gave her the master bedroom, so she is excited and decorating and wants to come get pictures from her bedroom walls here......they are black and white pictures of the city she loves that DH had taken her to IKEA specially to buy.  So....she had told DH that she doesn't want to live here anymore and that it's our fault, she knows he is hurt, and the first thing she wants to talk about is removing pictures from her bedroom walls here to take to BMs.  AND BM gave her the master bedroom....is that normal???  Is that the reward for SD living there full time, or maybe SD made that a condition?   That was another complaint she has here, she has a small bedroom. My BS lives here full time, even now as he commutes to college, and he has a bigger bedroom next to hers.  My SS went away to college this year, and has a slightly larger bedroom than hers  in our basement.  When SS left for school, DH made the decision that he did not want to change bedrooms around until at least after winter break. SS had given SD permission to hang out and sleep in there.  You may have read my blog back in November about how she spent a day while DH was at work clearing SSs stuff out of his room...and texting SS pictures, who in turn was texting DH at work to get her to stop.  This is another rare circumstance where DH stood up to her - she went through, bagged up, and removed her brother's things without permission, therefore lost access to his room. So a bigger bedroom is important to her, it's something she hasn't been able to have here (little did she know that the rooms were going to get switched sooner than later if she hadn't done that) so it felt to DH like her twisting the knife just a little bit more during that phone call.   "Look what BM does for me that you don't"

  Also, prom is this weekend and this will be her first one.  DH asked where they were doing pictures and said he would like to come see her in her dress (that he bought her), and she blew it off saying she didn't know what they were doing.  I find it hard to believe that a teenage girl does not have a plan for prom pictures, so I am thinking he is about to be left out of that.

Oh, and she is not sure if she can come for dinner this week, just text her and remind and she will see.

My DH is broken at this point, and has no idea what to do.  He said he has been feeling periods of anxiety, like he can't catch his breath.  He can't believe he has a child that doesn't want to be with him, and acts like he is nothing.  I don't even know what to do or say, or what to think. From my point of view, I can't stand the way she has treated him for a long time.  I carry guilt because I feel like if I wasn't around with my opinions, he would be giving in and she could be the master of this house like she is at BMs, and then they wouldn't be at odds.  I am so angry at BM.  I can't figure out why this situation has to be so difficult.  I hate to see my DH hurting, and I know that even though SD doesnt see it right now, she needs her dad.  Just a whole lot of hurt right now for no good reason.