Non-binary step-daughter new name request
My step-daughter is 15 and recently came out to us as gay, and even more recently as non-binary, asking us to use they/them pronouns and to call her by her new name, Charlie. While the situation is somewhat difficult to navigate at times, we're working through everything as a family and my husband and I totally fine with trying to adhere to her requests (although obviously I am having a hard time with the they/them part). My one issue that I am looking for advice on is that her new chosen name, Charlie, has literally been my nickname for my entire life. My entire family and my husband call me Charlie much more often than my actual name. Should I give up my nickname and tell everyone to stop calling me Charlie to avoid confusion or hurt feelings?
They chose that name, knowing it was also your name,
They chose that name, knowing it was also your name, so they will need to live with the natural consequences - which will be confusion for everyone involved. No way should you give up a life long nickname for someone who is choosing a new name.
I am sure you have met two
I am sure you have met two people with the same name before and coped in being able to tell them apart. People do it every day. Most of us call our parent's mom and dad but we all manage to work out who's mom and dad we are talking about.
I think that I would say
I think that I would say something. This is Them/Her CHOOSING a name to be in competition with you. There are a million other names right to pick and the one chosen is YOUR nickname.... Really?
No don't stop people from
No don't stop people from calling you Charlie. What was your DHs initial response to the name choice? It seems really weird to pick your stepmoms nickname out of all the millions of possibilities for names! Just because she is going through this development with her identity doesn't mean she gets to impact your identity in the process.
Keep the name
Your answer is in your question: "she's going through this development with her identity doesn't mean she gets to impact your identity in the process."
Congratulate her on her
Congratulate her on her choice of name and tell her how flattered you are that she thought so much of you she wanted to share your name. Be as sincere as you can. Then sit back and wait for the U-turn to another name
^^^^ This is so true.
^^^^
This is so true.
Love this
Ha ha this is exactly what I would do!
I certainly would not change a lifelong nickname to accomodate their choice of a new name.
I agree with others it seems like an odd to pick your nickname - is there some other important Charlie in their lives were it would make sense?
Give it some time
I know a few people who chose different names when they changed their pronouns but later changed back or chose a new name. I would say given that this is likely to be stressful for them if you can possibly stand it just let the name go? I wouldn't be surprised if it changes again. But def don't change your name - that's part of your identity!
15? makes sense
People at 15 test, and often do things that really target adult's vulnerabilities. My best to you as you weather this.
The most successful stepfamily I know lives in a smallish Brooklyn apartment and the SKid, a bright person who I met as an 8 yo, girl, is now 20 and has a male name. BD and SM's acceptance and support impressed me.
I was with my husband from SD's 7th year to her 15th. She was very feminine and superior about being "Normal" Sounds to me like you will do better than we did.
Perhaps a stupid question,
Perhaps a stupid question, but have you tried to sit down with them and asked them why they wanted that specific name?
And yes, make clear that it's a great compliment to you that they chose your name as their new name, but you were wondering why they chose that name out of all the available names on the market.